In the book "Redefining Parents", the author Mowei mentioned a misunderstanding of parent-child communication: beating is a relative, scolding is love, and not beating or scolding is harm.
In our country, it seems natural for parents to beat and scold their children.
What is the reason why our parents beat and scolded their children?
One is the cognition in the farming era.
The origin of mankind was violent conquest and elimination from the primitive era, and in the farming era it was violent domination and slavery.
Violence is a kind of force attack by the strong on the weak by the weak in order to dominate, enslave and control others.
From the late industrial age to our current intelligent age, the relationship between people has become equal respect.
After World War II, human beings entered the era of civilization, and the laws of various countries were restricting violent behaviors to deal with relationships between people.
But in the family, we are still using the obedience and beating and scolding methods of the farming era, which is a cognitive misunderstanding.
Second, it is our parents' own anxiety.
Beating and scolding children is more about letting children change and listen to their own words. In essence, they are unable to control their emotions after they have not changed, and they do not understand the developmental rules of their children and their characteristics.
Third, it is the trauma of the original family.
Generally speaking, parents who beat children have been beaten by their own parents. When the little bomb hidden in their parents' bodies is out of control, when facing children who are weaker than them, they start to explode and become the perpetrator.
If we parents want to terminate the trauma caused by our original family and no longer let their children bear the pain, fear and humiliation they have suffered, must change their cognition through learning, see their children's needs, understand their children's development and growth laws, and eliminate unnecessary anxiety.
See your own pattern clearly at the same time and notice when your anxiety comes. Is this really good for your child?
Children who are often beaten and scolded may form two extreme personalities:
One is particularly rebellious and violent;
The other is particularly cowardly and inferior, pessimistic and disgusted with the world.
In addition, it may be difficult to establish good interpersonal and intimate relationships.
Because there is no love and no sense of security, you either try to please others very much or have a rigorous relationship with others when you are outside.
Can't concentrate and do not concentrate during daily study.
Due to insecurity and value, girls are prone to encounter scumbags when they grow up.
When a child grows up, he looks procrastinated, lazy, and inaction. It is likely that because he was beaten and scolded by his parents when he was a child, his emotional regulation ability and focused work ability have not been well developed.
The goal of our education is to make children better people. A truly good education should be communication between hearts and hearts, not reprimanding by force or violence.
