The case of being beaten in Nanjing these days has been flooded with the screen. Several groups are discussing it. Some support the family of 5-year-old children in Nanjing and some support Dr. Lu’s family. It’s really because the mother-in-law is right and the mother-in-law is right.
Are they all innocent? It turns out that no one is innocent, have they all done something wrong? It turns out that no one is wrong. I think the most innocent one seems to be the little boy who was beaten (Dr. Lu’s son), after all, he was the one who was bullied.
Here, I don’t want to explain which family is more beneficial and which family is more wrong. Looking at the whole thing, I quote a sentence from the comments from People's Daily : "Once parents go barefoot in battle, the balance of public opinion will inevitably be biased towards each other."
Here, I just want to talk about the "war" between children.
The initial facts of the Nanjing "Man Slapping a Child" case was as follows:
It is said that Xiaohang (Ms. Tang's son, the slapped child) was very rampant in kindergarten. This time, Ms. Tang's son strangled Tuotuo (Doctor Lu's son) from behind with his arm. poked the back of the brain of with a sharp weapon (the position of the air pump) for three consecutive times. The strength of 3 times went from light to heavy , resulting in the wound on the back of the brain of Tuotuotuo as long as 1 cm .
What's even more annoying is . The teacher has obviously pulled them, but Xiao Hang still takes action. Moreover, it is said that this boy who bullied Tuotuo has committed the first time.
Some children are not naive, and many children are completely evil in front of adults and among their peers. There is no reason to say, and there is no bottom line or constraint. Moreover, once the perpetrator gains satisfaction in bullying others, this behavior will not stop because of temporary satisfaction, but will continue to escalate, like an addiction, until the worst result comes.
Writer Liu Na once said this:
"Children are weak, parents must be strong.
This 'strong' is not a strong argument or bullying the weak, but 'I am ordinary, but I must not bully you. I am kind, but I don't give in.
Then, stand in a tree and let the child know that you are;
walks into a path, let the child learn to protect himself and cherish himself after seeing the templates of 'protection' and 'precious'."
What a child who has been attacked and hurt in the external world most desires is nothing more than the unconditional love and acceptance of parents. I think if this happens to any child, normal parents will find the abuser's home to ask for an explanation.
Tutuo dad (Dr. Lu) came to the door to reason. In the video, the child did not apologize or apologize or confess. The old man was also mixed with him. There were also people shooting videos. The family's unacceptable attitude of admitting his mistakes instantly angered Dr. Lu. He was extremely angry and beat the child. So a video of Dr. Lu slapped the child appeared on the Internet.
Doctor Lu's move to beat the child is indeed wrong, but the attitude of this family is really infuriating. Have you ever seen a family that has a family that has hit someone because their children beat someone else, someone comes to ask for an explanation, apologizes in good faith, and even films videos?
Netizen said: If it were me, I would definitely criticize my child first, and then apologize to the parents who came to ask for an explanation. How could I push the child who made a mistake in front?
is because the other party dares not do anything to the child, and he is also because the other party is angry with his own child. Once he has excessive behavior, will he take the absolute initiative in law?
It is true that as a father, Dr. Lu’s anger is reasonable. No matter what the reason is, it is indeed wrong for him to come to beat the child, fight violence with violence, and even escalate violence. Based on this alone, Dr. Lu lost the commanding heights of morality and law, changed from passive to active, and turned reasonable things into unreasonable.
so impulse is the devil! ! !
However, what I want to say is the abominable face of adults pretending to be deaf and dumb when facing bullying incidents.
Children's view of good and evil requires discipline and guidance from adults. Every bully basically has an irresponsible pair of parents, or they are related to their original family.
Author Chen Lan In the book " Why We Are Bullying ", it is written:
If young children are not cared for and cherished, are not allowed to express emotions, and have no other channels to relieve pressure, they will easily vent their anger, disappointment, pressure... to the children who are weaker than themselves. The other party's non-resistance and obedience will arouse stronger hatred by the abuser - why don't you resist - Deep down, the abuser is actually hating the fact that he is powerless to resist reality.
Every kind of unreasonable evil flows deep in the stinking of despair, and adults are deaf and blind.
It is said that Xiaohang's mother, Ms. Tang, is a person who lies (from the Internet, I'm not sure, if I get it wrong, I apologize), but at least a normal family will not deliberately upload these videos to the Internet to gain sympathy, especially the videos of the other party kneeling down.
However, no matter what, the editor hates bullying incidents! ! !
The editor once had an experience of being bullied:
In the fifth grade of elementary school, I left my home and went to the village next to my third aunt. As the only transfer student in the school, at the beginning, many boys cast unfriendly eyes at me, an outsider, and even stopped me and laughed at me.
until after the midterm exam, because I got the first place in the exam, when I went home that day, dozens of boys actually blocked me with another friend and refused to let us go home. Later, we had to return to school.
I don’t remember how to go home, but after I got home, I told my aunt about this, and my friend told her uncle (also a teacher at our school). I heard that the children involved were beaten up by their parents that day, and the next day the teacher beat each of the boys in our class dozens of times.
Later, no boy dared to do such a thing.
so, after children encounter bullying incidents, they must tell their parents. Once parents find out, they must tell their children that it is not his fault to be bullied. He does not need to face alone, and his parents will accompany him to deal with it.
Borrow a passage from Chen Lan in "Why We Are Bullying"
Whether it is a good school district or a bad school district, whether it is a public school or a private school, it is impossible to completely eliminate the occurrence of teenage bullying. But if parents can discover in time, students can express in time, teachers can stop in time, and the three parties jointly take appropriate response measures, and then comfort and guide the victims and perpetrators, the harm can be minimized, and perhaps it will be a blessing in disguise, allowing children to learn an important lesson in life.
So, how do we judge whether a child is subject to school bullying?
Feature 1: The child suddenly acts unwilling to go to school
originally did not exclude the school and had good grades, if a child suddenly showed a tendency to go to school, it may not be that the child was disgusted with school, but it is likely that some things that made him troubled and troubled and unwilling to face and deal with in the school. Please note that maybe it was the child who was bullied at school!
Feature 2: complained that a classmate targeted him
This is a signal that your child is asking for help from you. You can provide some feasible methods to teach him to try to alleviate this situation and ask him within a certain period of time, or invite his classmates to his home to play and chat inadvertently. If you are targeted for a long time, you have to pay more attention.
Feature 3: A scar appears on the body but he is unwilling to tell the parents
Some children are dirty when they go home from school and have scars on their bodies. People with discerning eyes can see that it is caused by fighting, but the child insists that he accidentally hurts it. Although it is normal for adolescent children to appear occasionally, it cannot be ignored.
Feature 4: Abrupt changes in temperament and abnormal behavior
Children often feel depressed when they come home from school and have the idea of being disgusted with learning. The originally lively and cheerful child suddenly becomes unstable. Or, the child's emotions suddenly become particularly unstable, particularly clingy, and becomes very timid and afraid of others. It is likely that something in the school affects him.
What should parents do if their children encounter school bullying
Parents cannot be with their children 24 hours a day. What are the practices that you should teach them to their children now to prevent school bullying?
First, often keep in touch with children, telling them how to protect their rights,
Let the children believe that being bullied is not embarrassing, there is no need to hide their feelings, and telling the teacher will not make things worse. Help your child find the teacher he trusts in school, so that when something happens, you know that he is not alone and who can help him.
Second, Teach children how to protect themselves, and be a strong support for children
Generally speaking, bullies dare not resist when facing bullying of classmates, nor dare to go home to complain. On the contrary, if a boy is provoked and musteres up the courage to beat him back, then bullying will not happen again. Although this practice is not recommended, it simply and roughly expresses a clear signal: I am not easy to bully.
If the situation has exceeded the child's ability to cope, just like Dr. Lu's children, then parents should take action personally when the child is bullied, demand that the school and teachers do something, and they cannot let it go, and support the child, so that the child can understand that parents are their own safe haven and the strongest backing.
Third, if the child really encounters school bullying and physically and mentally, the following suggestions can help you:
(1) Don’t just comfort the child and don’t care about it with your classmates, because this may make the child mistakenly think that the bullying incident is because of his own problems, which will cause the child to fall into deeper pain and self-blame.
(2) When your child is willing to tell you about the situation of bullying, please stay calm and don’t ask too much details. The first thing you do must be empathizing with . You are very sad about the cruel treatment they have been suffering.
(3) Acknowledge the child's courage and thank the child for his trust. Tell your child that you are very grateful for having the courage to tell you about this. At the same time, he is also affirmed: Only when you are willing to talk about this matter can parents have the opportunity to help him, which is also amazing.
profile: I am Jingyan Chenyu,
