"Honest" is not a derogatory term, it means "gentle and honest". In the past, people always treated honest and obedient children with special preferences, thinking that such children would be more calm and easier to achieve when they grow up.
However, in today's society, it is obvious that few people are willing to raise their children too "honest". Because children who are too honest often mean that is not flexible enough and can easily suffer losses. is not a good thing.
Actor Qin HaoOnce on the show talked about her daughter Xiaomili being bullied by others, but she couldn't help but cry. The reason is that his daughter is always bullied by a boy intentionally or unintentionally in the new school. She is forced into a corner and doesn't know how to resist. She is so obedient and honest that it makes people feel distressed.
Qin Hao even said that if the boy's parents can't educate him, he would want to teach the boy a lesson. However, parents cannot always protect their children. If the child will not resist himself, he may often be subject to others in the future.
This alone is something that many parents cannot accept! Therefore, we can educate our children to be kind from an early age, but we do not want to raise the children to be honest and honest.
Kindness does not mean honesty, your kindness should be a bit sharp
0 China Youth Research Center published a set of survey data in 2011: About 30% of primary and secondary school students have been bullied, of which about 32.5% of primary and secondary school students are occasionally bullied, and 6.1% of primary and secondary school students are bullied a little more frequently, and most of them are provoked by seniors.
Usually these children who are easily bullied often have several common characteristics: they are weak in physique, weak in social skills, and have almost no ability to resist; they are too kind and honest, and dare not tell adults after being bullied, and they will only endure it silently.
When the child of the mother of the Guan mother was in the third grade, he talked about a senior boy who often scolded him. The cause was that once he accidentally splashed water on the other person while washing his hands. Although he had apologized, the male classmate still "holds a grudge" with him and would insult him every time he met. Although the child did not take action, he felt uncomfortable and did not dare to resist.
The child came back and said, we were also very anxious. When we thought of the online rumors of "bullying" on campus, we were very uneasy. I have no idea what grade the child is, and what name his or her.
So I told the child: Next time I meet him, don’t have a head-on conflict, first figure out which class he is, it’s best to know what name he is, so that we can find people and have a direction to deal with problems.
The child nodded, but he didn't expect to meet him after having sex the next day. The other party insulted as usual, which attracted curious eyes and laughter among some of his classmates. My child still didn't say anything, and he followed quietly after the other party left.
Seeing the other party enter a classroom in the fifth grade, they happened to see that the teacher in their class was also there. Perhaps the child was forced to go straight into the classroom, told the teacher about the whole story, and pointed to the two classmates who were with the child to testify. After hearing this, the teacher presided over justice very righteously, asked the child to apologize, and informed the parents.
th the matter has come to this point, there is no follow-up, we didn't show up throughout the whole process. Children also understand one truth through this matter: cannot be tolerant before bullying themselves, but resistance should be based on methods and protect themselves as the premise of .
Many campus "bullying" incidents have escalated, the main reason is that children dare not resist after being bullied for the first time and have never told their parents. This has a lot to do with parents' educational concepts.
We always teach our children: be kind, don’t cause trouble, don’t fight with others, fighting is not a good child... However, we forget that teaching children to be too honest will easily make them the target of bullying by bad children. After all, not everyone is kind.
So, as parents, it is necessary for us to let our children know that can keep kind, but kindness must be a little sharp and have scale and boundaries .Unprincipled kindness will only cause greater trouble to yourself and even put yourself in danger.
Don’t want to raise your child too honestly, you must teach him three things
I have read an elementary school student diary before. The little protagonist tells him that after he was bullied at school, he went home and told his father. But unexpectedly, the father not only did not comfort and help the child solve the problem, but also slapped him in the face. It was useless to scold the child!
It is undeniable that some parents are strict in disciplined their children , which has worn away the edges and corners around them, but they still blame the children for not resisting and lacking in backbone . No matter what educational method your family adopts, you must teach your child three things to make it amulet for his life!
- Other people's requests touch their own principles and bottom line. We must bravely reject
The fundamental reason why many people are reluctant to do something is: it is difficult to refuse. Learn to reject is a very important lesson in the growth of children .
Harvard University once conducted a three-year follow-up survey on more than 1,000 people, and found that if a person learns to refuse reasonably, it will reduce unnecessary troubles by more than 90%, and can avoid a lot of personal waste of time and wealth.
It takes courage to stick to your own heart and reject others, and there may be some choices. But there is no need to stick to for cheap friendship. If other people's requests touch your own bottom line and principles, you must firmly refuse. And you should express your thoughts and show your bottom line, and avoid the second and countless rejections in the future.
- Don't be afraid, parents will always be your strong backing
The big reason why children give in to others is that they have no confidence. Usually, children’s confidence comes from their parents . Whenever we are on the same front as our children, and even if we do something wrong, we will take responsibility with him. This is the source of our children's confidence.
We often teach our children to share and consider from the perspective of others... but at the same time we should respect their own ideas and needs, teach them how to make the right choices, and safeguard their rights and interests.
The most important thing is that we should instill a concept in our children: should be kind to others, not cause trouble, but not be afraid of trouble, when things come, you must face them bravely and resist them. If you can’t solve the problem, you must seek help from your parents and teachers as soon as possible .
- When encountering bullying, you must have courage and skills to resist
In the face of bullying and strong forces, tell your children to learn to judge the situation. If your strength is enough to compete with the other party, you can return it on the spot without swallowing your anger. Because the weaker you are, the more you are bullied.
If your strength is not enough to compete, you can temporarily avoid its edge. The most important thing is to protect yourself and not be injured . Afterwards, find the right method and the right time to "set the accounts after the autumn".
written at the end
It can indeed save parents a lot of trouble, but it is not a good thing for their children's lives and future lives. Therefore, during the nurturing process, we must pay attention to our methods and attitudes, and we must not be too indulgent or too strong. Respect children, pay attention to children, and prevent problems before they happen on campus.
