[To develop a stable sense of security, a condition is required for a child to live with his mother before the age of three, without serious separation (it is serious if he is separated for more than two weeks), and his relationship with his mother has a high quality. ］——Wu Zhihong
Further extension, the child will be born before the age of 3 and will have a peaceful, stable and safe feeling in a loving environment, not necessarily by his parents
Stubborn snail: I am looking forward to book friends telling about their understanding of the "love environment"
Let me tell you my own case. When you have memories, you are happy and free most of the time. Because I was born in a big family, I learned to take care of my cousins and sisters. Of course, I was also taken care of by older brothers and sisters. The most important thing is that my parents really want to love. There is no scene in my memory about them quarreling and conflicting. I love me very much and create a free environment for me. At that time, I was not afraid of heaven or earth, and went to cause trouble, tried, and explore. Most of the time I was dealt with by them~
There is also a group of playmates who caused trouble together, played the "war" game together, and made various tools together~
In my study and life, I had an English teacher who treated me very well in middle school, and then a high school Chinese teacher~
In addition to middle school, the young love between girls in high school, there is also a girlfriend who loved each other for 4 years in college...
Relatives, second aunt, aunt still loves me like her family~
The environment of love is probably a fertile soil, and every time I receive the love from others is watering and fertilizing~
These are one of the important factors in our dealing with people, and it is also a "pointer or lighthouse" for us to know people, things, and things~
I just reviewed it, it is probably like this~
Stubborn snail: Thank you very much for your patient and meticulous reply. After listening to your review of your journey, I feel that I am full of happiness. But perhaps the "environment of love" obtained by different people is very different, so for those who have not received full nourishment from this "environment of love". For example, if you receive a lot of care and care from family members, you still lack such a "small part", and this "small part" happens to be the key part. So can this missing "small part" be filled by another "most"? I want to hear what book friends think.
This is a very important question. If it were a year ago, I might not know how to answer this question. Regarding some "must care and love"
Before answering this question, I continued to talk about my own experience
① When I was in the second year of high school, the head teacher kept (male) for maternity leave, and later after giving birth, I taught us again. At that time, I had an idea (simple): Will love be reduced for the class she led? Because I will divide love to my daughter who was just born. This idea has troubled me for a while, but there is no experiment to verify my ideas. It took a long time to understand that love will indeed be "diluted". The main reason is that people have limited time/energy. When they work hard to take care of their families, they have to take care of their careers (attention and guidance for students) ~
Later, I learned the law of balance and realized that this is dynamic change ~
That is, if Liu pays more attention to children, then love Libra tends to children, but close to the exam cycle, Liu pays more attention to students, then Libra ~
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_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ This process actually causes ignorance. If you ignore further expression, you may miss the "problem period" of students or ignore the important growth changes of children.
There is a specific part that may be the "key part missing" you mentioned~
This point is to your family, and the relatives are also like this. I will also talk about the core "missing" experience I thought before.
Graduated from junior high school, 8 points away. When I went to the best high school in the city, my brother was 15 points away. Then the head teacher said: It's a pity for you two, so we went to the high school in the county (the high school in the county is probably equivalent to bronze level, and the city is at least platinum or diamond). For a long time, I thought that "destiny" was rewritten because of a sentence~
② In high school, due to some setbacks, pressure, and other things, I suffered from depression (I didn’t know at the time, but I only realized it after studying psychology). I was so serious that I was particularly prone to illness, insomnia all night, losing weight all night, and often wanting to destroy myself, and all these were ignored. Teachers, classmates, friends... I couldn’t find a way out. I felt that I was in purgatory (this state lasted for more than a year), and I was about to split later. It was normal in front of others, but in fact I was often in pain~
This experience can also be regarded as a critical period, but fortunately I was "redempted". There are past love, love deep in my heart, and other factors~
So, what about me now, are there still some shortcomings? Maybe there is, maybe not, but what does that matter? I live a good life. I have created an environment and life full of love, freedom, and responsibility for myself. I slowly embarked on the journey of realizing myself. This is the most important thing for me~
In fact, there are too many people around us who are "missed". Missing is a normal state because our parents and elders are perfect, and there is no perfect environment. ~
After beginning to understand this, I further came into contact with the psychology of "cutting": The specific description of topic separation is:
"A person who separates the subjects sees the problem this way:
he feels uncomfortable, this is his subject, yes.
But he feels uncomfortable. As a relative, friend, and colleague, I like him, and I can be kind to him.
Of course, if I hate this person and don't want to have any relationship with him, I can turn around and leave.
The key is not to mix his discomfort with my subject.”
In other words, many times our lack is not my fault, not your fault, others' fault, the environment's fault, so slowly realize this and identify and further learn this skill are very helpful for us to move towards the next step or further away~
Here I will talk about another thing: the environment of love is the soil for our growth, so treat us as seedlings. The conditions in nature are: sometimes flooding and sometimes drought, sometimes nutritious (nitrogen element, potassium element, etc.), and finally survived the years of flooding and drought, and again and again, the seedlings slowly took root and grew slowly, and many could become towering trees~
Let’s switch the role and change the seedlings to teenagers or children. The same is true. Many people around us have been bumpy all the way and stumbling all the way. After a few years, many people have lived a happy and happy life~
Life is a marathon, a long-distance running until the end of time, and the bumps experienced are more of an embellishment of our life path~
Finally, I will share a sentence: "Everything that people have can be deprived, but the last freedom of human nature - that is, the freedom to choose one's attitude and lifestyle in any situation - cannot be deprived." - Victor Frank
0 I was depressed for about 3 months due to the failure of my second venture a year ago. Now I am full of blood and resurrected and live my freedom again.
or above are my thoughts. I hope my "love" can be conveyed to your heart
Finally, in fact, I felt maternal love from my junior high school English teacher, I also felt maternal love from my second aunt, I felt strangers from my ex-girlfriend, and I felt strangers from my love that was close to family. In addition to family, there are also very rich and "fertile" elements of love. What is special in the family is that there is "blood relationship" and "blood connection" ~
Stubborn Snail: Thank you again for your untiring explanation from the book friends. Thank you for your last words from Victor Frank who encouraged me. Between your lines, I understand that maybe we can lose a lot of things, but there is one thing that we must not lose, that is, the "right to free choice". When we realize that it is still there, we can use it to do a lot of things. A very pleasant exchange, and finally wish my book friends good health, harmonious family and prosperous careers!
