often hear mothers complain that some people have not finished their homework and always lie to the teacher and say they have forgotten to bring them; some people want to buy something, but their mother doesn't agree, so they lied that they need to carry them in school activities; some people make mistakes when playing with others but refuse to admit them...
Do you also think these situations look very familiar? Even children who are usually well-behaved have lie. So, does children tend to become bad when lying? At this time, will we question the child angrily, and once the child defends his explanation, he wants to beat him up?
In fact, who hasn't lie? Therefore, when facing children's lies, we do not need to nervously elevate them to the moral level. This is a necessary path for every child to grow up, and it is also a reflection of self-awareness development .
But as parents, it is necessary for us to figure out why our children lie, is they afraid of being criticized? Or to achieve some kind of wish? Or don’t want to distinguish between reality and imagination?
First of all, I am afraid of being criticized
Three or four-year-old children lie because they don’t know that this is called lying, nor do they know that this is a wrong behavior. They just simply think that parents don’t know what’s going on.
For example, if a child dirty his clothes at school, but he is afraid that he will be criticized after returning home, he lied that it was made by his classmates; or if he did not do well in the exam, he said that the teacher did not give the test paper, and they all wanted to escape punishment.
At this time, parents should reflect on whether they treat their children too harshly, which makes them afraid, so they dare not show their true side in front of themselves.
Second, in order to achieve a certain wish,
Children may pretend to be uncomfortable if they don’t want to go to school; in order to go out to play, they lie that their homework has been completed long ago. And these lies, they are simply trying to achieve their wishes.
And the reason why they lie is because what they want is very attractive, but they can't do it, so they lie to achieve what they want.
Third, it is impossible to distinguish between imagination and reality
Children cannot distinguish between imagination and reality, so sometimes parents think that lie. In fact, children may just not distinguish between imagination and reality.
For a child who has just entered kindergarten, his language skills are not strong enough, his imagination is imaginative, and his description of things is not comprehensive, so he also looks like a lie.
For example, he keeps repeating that he sees a monster in the corner of the window, and this may be just a dream he has or a plot in a story in kindergarten;
So sometimes, what the child says is completely unlimited and sounds ridiculous. We think he is lying, and it is probably just his imagination.
So, what should we do as parents when facing children lying?
First, if you know your child is lying, don’t continue to ask
In fact, we question the child, just hope to give him a chance to tell the truth, but the result is often the opposite.
If you know your child is lying, don’t ask him again and again. Otherwise, you can only force your child to cover up with other lies, which will deepen the child's psychological uneasiness and will also make your emotions out of control. Instead of doing this, it is better to skip the lie and tell the child directly how to do it, instead of constantly arguing with the child.
Second, don’t severely accuse
After the child lies, as parents, we should figure out the reason as soon as possible, instead of blaming him or her, and we should not morally kidnapped the child .
For example, if the child breaks the bowl, he is afraid of being scolded, so he dare not admit that he beats it himself.After finding out the truth, we must guide him to keep glass and porcelain items if they are accidentally broken, should they stay on the ground or clear them out quickly? And let him know that everyone will make mistakes, and the courage to admit mistakes will not receive severe criticism.
In this way, when he makes the same mistake next time, he not only knows how to deal with it, but also knows the courage to admit his mistakes, because he will not receive severe criticism. This guides children from daring to lying to daring not lying.
3. Don’t label your children casually
Many parents label their children as "little liar", "little lies" and "disheartened" after their children lie. They cannot set their children's sex just because of a lie.
This will not only fail to correct the child's lying problem, but will instead play the role of negatively strengthening , which may prompt the child to tell more lies in the future.
When it comes to parents lying to their children, they must be right to the wrong thing and the others. And you need to change the negative label to positive encouragement, tell your children that parents believe that you are an honest and good child. This time it makes your parents very sad, and I hope you can tell the truth next time.
In this way, the child will regard his parents' words as encouragement and tolerance, and then slowly get rid of the bad habit of lying.
Fourth, find out the reason why children make mistakes
The reason why children are unwilling to tell the truth is largely clear about the consequences that will occur. What children need is to learn from mistakes, rather than choose to make up lies and escape.
At this time, parents can guide their children, and parents will not be angry. You tell the truth and let us find a way to solve it together.
gives the child a sense of security enough to let him know that parents are always the strongest backing and will solve any problems with the child.
Fifth, rebuild parent-child relationship and let children tell the truth bravely
Many times, the real reason for children to lie is that the child does not trust you enough, dare not tell the truth to you, worrying about being severely criticized, or that he has ever told you the truth and was severely scolded.
When the child has a good relationship with you and has enough trust in you, he will be more willing to tell you the true thoughts in his heart, even if it is a wrong behavior, because the child knows that you can accept it and will not be severely punished, so he will naturally dare to tell the truth.
Lying does not mean being a bad child. The growth of a child itself is a process of constantly making mistakes and correcting them. Therefore, when children lie, parents should not be too nervous, keep a normal mind to tolerate and understand them, guide them scientifically, and accompany their children to grow together.
