"After school, you should write first , after finishing homework, do other things or go out to play. "
" When you wake up in the morning, you should wash and then change your school uniform so that you won't get wet. "
" You are ten years old and are still fighting for toys with your younger brother. You should give in to your younger brother, he is still young. "
" You should..., you should... "" Do these scenes often appear in your life, and do you should" say to your children often?
In fact, children are children. In the world of children, nothing is supposed to be, or nothing is what children "should" like or should not like .
During the summer vacation, my sister-in-law took her daughter to play. The girl was enthusiastic and lively. Although she was only 9 years old, she spoke and did things like a little adult. She had a very happy time with my 5-year-old Xiaobao and knew how to be humble to her sister. I was busy making lunch, so I told Xiaobao to have fun with this sister. But when I came out of the kitchen after lunch, I saw the little girl pouting, sitting on a corner of the sofa, with an unhappy face written on her face.
I quickly asked Xiaobao what happened. Xiaobao said he didn't know, and said it seemed because my aunt said that my sister should watch her build blocks instead of playing by herself. The little girl suddenly said, "Mom always said that I should give in to my sister, I should watch my sister play, but what's wrong with me playing for a while. "At this time, my sister-in-law put the tableware on the dining table and whispered loudly: "What's wrong with you? You're so old. Just watch your sister play, and you're still rushing to play with her sister. "
The little girl was very aggrieved when she heard this, and immediately cried and said with a sob: "I'm competing with my sister, and I didn't grab it at all. My mother always said that I should give in to my sister, but we had a good time and there was no conflict. "After saying this, the little girl accused again that her mother always said that she should be like this and that, but many of them were not what she wanted and liked. The little girl became more and more sad as she spoke, and she started crying as she said that she could think of what her sister-in-law always said to her children "should" be like. For example, when the child plays with other children, she always said that she should learn to be humble. If there is conflict between the children, she should not be too concerned; for example, when the child is in school, she should study hard, turn aside from the window, and only read the books of sages.
Like the sister-in-law There are many parents, and even I often do this. It is also during the holidays that my friends and family invited us to Haxionggou to play.
Haxionggou, as the name suggests, there is a ditch, and in that ditch, there is a stream of water flowing. The children don’t like it when they see the water. My 10-year-old Dabao didn’t take off his shoes, so he snatched up the water.
I was a little uncomfortable when I looked at it, but Dabao actually asked me to go to the car to get her mineral water, and she wanted to play with water with a bottle. I felt so angry that I heard it. A series of thoughts came out: Why are you so naive when you are too many? You are not a two or three year old, you need tools to play with some water. And there are empty bottles thrown by others in the ditch, just find one to play with.
At that time, I could feel a strong airflow holding in my throat, which would gush out at any time. Fortunately, I thought that this was outside, and I still had to save face for the child. Moreover, I had read so many books and learned so many courses. I was the mother of two children. I rolled my eyes to Dabao and endured it so hard that I didn’t post it.
If I were not outside at that time and had no friends and family, I think I would probably judge her again and would try to convince her to tell her to use a bottle to fill water. That is something that children can do, and she can just look at it when she is so old. However, when I saw a few teenage children holding bottles, some of them containing water and some of them containing sand, each child had a lot of fun. Such a childlike picture is really enviable.
I suddenly realized that 10 years old is also a child, and I am also full of joy and curiosity about everything in nature. This is just a normal psychological need for a child.What's more, I usually don't allow my child to pick up things outside casually, fearing that it is unhygienic, so why do I think she is "naive" and "boring"? At the same time, I also found that for a 10-year-old child, what should and should not do depends on everyone's acceptance criteria, because for the same thing, everyone's acceptance criteria are different under different circumstances.
So, in life, if the child’s behavior is unacceptable, we just need to honestly discuss the matter with the child, explain to the child what impact this matter will bring to us and what kind of feelings it will have. As for whether the child chooses to terminate or continue this behavior, it is up to the child to decide.
So, I told the child frankly: "The sun is too sunny, and my mother doesn't want to go to the car to get a mineral water bottle."
Dabao hurriedly said, "Give me the car keys, I'll go to the car to get it myself." With the keys, Dabao ran away happily. After a while, she saw her jumping back, holding three bottles in her hand, giving each of her sister and a child from her friend's house. My friend and I sat on the stone next to us, watching them shiny with excitement, and I was very glad that I resisted not saying the word "should" this time.
