text | Jingma
01
When learning psychology, the teacher told us that There is a problematic parent behind every child with problems!
Children are originally a small problem and can be corrected, but after being infinitely enlarged and labeled by parents, the children's problems become bigger and bigger!
There is a noun in psychology called "self-fulfilling prophecy". means that children will grow up in the direction given by their parents. For example, if you say your child will procrastinate, the more they procrastinate, the more they procrastinate.
Because my parents have set this tone for him, he will naturally linger on this tone.
So The child’s problems are more likely to be the parents’ problems!
02
This reminds me of the story of a child with ADHD who was admitted to Tsinghua University . When the child was in kindergarten, the teacher told the parents that your child was very active, so you better take him to the hospital for a look.
When I came back, my mother told the child that the teacher said that you could only sit on the stool for three minutes before, but now you can sit for five minutes, which means you have made progress!
When he went to elementary school to hold a parent-teacher meeting, a teacher complained that his child might have a slow reaction, and it should be because he had a brain problem. It is recommended to see a doctor.
Mother told the child: The teacher said that your grades in this exam have improved. As long as you work harder, your academic performance will be the same as your top student.
Mom just becomes a variety of encouragement of her child, and makes this child, who has been judged by her teacher since childhood, and has a dull brain, finally admitted to Tsinghua University!
So children’s problems are more often the parents’ problems.
Seven common problems for children. Parents should learn to find the reasons and solve the first type of
: children like to interrupt
Many children like to interrupt when their parents talk, but when their parents ignore him, they start to get angry, pulling their mother or beating them, so that their mothers can pay attention to themselves.
This just shows that the child’s does not receive enough attention, so he always asks his parents for attention.
This parent should be more attentive to accompany his children so that they can feel the love of their parents and be more independent if they have a sense of security.
The second type: Children like to lie
A study found that babies will lie when they are two years old. By the age of 4 to 6, 90% of children will lie, and almost all children over 6 have lies!
and family education is the stricter the child is, the more he will lie. children lie in order to escape the scolding of their parents, or to teach them a lesson.
Children like to lie, you need to reflect on whether you have ’s requirements for children too high!
For example, if a child must get 100 points in the exam, then if the child fails to get 100 points, he may secretly change the test paper to 100 points for you to see. This is actually because you have too high requirements for him.
The third type: children are timid and cowardly
In the child’s innate temperament, some of them may be relatively introverted and will react slowly to problems. So when they see a new thing, they will not play immediately, but observe first. This is the child’s characteristic!
But if parents always want their children to be cheerful and bold, they always say: "Why are you so timid?" sticks this tag on the child, which can easily lead to the child becoming as timid as mouse .
The fourth type: children like to take other people’s things
Two or three-year-old children Take when they see what they like. This is his nature, because he thinks that as long as I want it should be mine.
But slowly when the child is over three years old, if you still keep taking other people's things, it may be a problem with parental education. Parents have not taught their children the correct concept of property rights . Your own things are yours, but you cannot move other people's things, and you can also decide whether to give your things to others.
Parents Don’t just take your child’s things and distribute them to others’ , and don’t help your child get other people’s things just because your child likes them. Let your child know that not everything you like can get.
The fifth type: children have difficulty choosing
There is a noun called "difficulty in choosing". means that when facing choices, it will be very difficult for you to make a decision!
If the child is young, parents satisfy the child everything and give him whatever he wants, which leads to the child having a lot of things. In fact, he is not very interested in anything, and he actually loses the ability to choose.
When he needs to choose when he grows up, he will be very entangled.
The sixth type: the child is jealous and
The child is jealous of others. It is very likely that the love he gets from his parents is very little , so when he finds that others get a lot of love, he will be jealous.
is like a child without sugar in his hands. When he sees someone else has a lot of sugar in his hands, he will definitely be envious and jealous.
As parents, don’t always focus on their children’s shortcomings and repeatedly criticize them. Instead, you must learn to find their children’s advantages and repeatedly exaggerate their advantages so that their children’s advantages can be carried forward.
Only children can grow up confidently and sunny and not be jealous of others.
The seventh type: Children like to be angry
Why do children like to be angry? That's because his inner dissatisfaction was ignited and exploded!
Why do children feel dissatisfied? It may be because of the long-term denial of him by his parents and the long-term suppression of him.
So this type of parents should usually recognize and praise their children more.
As parents, they should understand their children's psychological development process, be more affirmative, understand their children more, and give them the children the opportunity to make independent choices so that they can make their children more confident and sunny when they grow up, and achieve higher achievements after they grow up.
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