"I didn't do one thing right, what should I do?" This is a sentence that countless teenagers wandered around their minds many times, but rarely said words.
"How should children educate themselves if they do something wrong?" This is a problem that can be seen everywhere on major platforms. Some people advocate timely corrections, while others recommend step by step. Some advocate strictness, while others advocate moderateness.
How should parents and elders help their children face their mistakes?
A plot in the book "What kind of life do you want to live" that benefits Miyazaki can bring us some inspiration. The protagonist of the book, Little Brother Pernie, is a 15-year-old boy. His father passed away a few years ago, and he lived with his mother. His uncle, who lives nearby, often came to accompany him.
For a while, senior students in the school often looked for trouble, bullied lower-grade classmates, and threatened to beat a friend of the young man Pernie.
Four good friends discussed how to deal with this matter together, and finally decided that if the senior students really took action, they would accompany Beijian to be beaten.
A shortly after, a snowy day, a senior classmate broke out in conflict with Kitaki and fisted at him. The other two friends Puchuan and Mizutani, despite their fear, rushed up to block Kitamiya and were beaten with him.
The little brother Pernius was not far away. He wanted to stand up, but he couldn't make up his mind to take that step. After
, the group of senior students left, and the three friends who were beaten hugged their heads and cried bitterly. The little brother Pernie was frozen in place, constantly calling himself a "coward" in his heart, apologizing for breaking the agreement, but he did not dare to come forward to apologize.
Maybe because he had been standing in the snow for too long, the little brother Pernie caught a cold after returning home and was in bed for half a month. During this period, at the beginning, he condemned himself for betraying his friends, while thinking about what kind of reasons to find to make his friends forgive him. Finally, I found that all of them were excuses. He was tortured by irreversible regrets, and even thought of not going to school again because he really didn't know how to face Bei Jian and others.
After learning the whole story, my uncle asked the little brother Pernie to write a letter to Kitani to apologize to him.
The little brother Pernie was still hesitating, worried that Kitaki would still not forgive him after apologizing.
The uncle, who has always been gentle, became harsh at this time. He told the little brother Pernie that it was really uncomfortable to separate from his close friends because of this kind of thing, and he could understand that he wanted to reconcile. But after does something wrong, the first thing that comes to mind should not be these, but to be responsible for your own behavior and apologize immediately. Even if those friends want to break up with you, you are not qualified to complain.
After my uncle's advice, the little brother Pernius mustered up the courage to face his mistakes and wrote a sincere apology letter to Beijian.
It is human nature to escape when facing errors. It is also normal for human beings to apologize and get forgiven immediately. However, not every time I am "sorry", it should be exchanged for "no matter". The most important thing is to be brave enough to assume one's own responsibilities.
I once read a comment about apology online:
"It is not that one party admits the mistake and apologizes, and it is over. After "apology", you have to accept the other party's negative emotions counterattack. This process may be very long and will make you all exhausted or even separate, but this is fair.
Some people say "I'm sorry I was wrong" just to make the other party shut up quickly, making the mistake seem to have never happened, but that is just a evasion of responsibility. Accepting punishment and facing consequences is the true meaning of your apology. ”
Many children are at a loss when facing mistakes and want to escape because they neither know how to deal with it nor have the courage to deal with it.
Methods and courage are what parents or elders need to provide.
The mother who learned about this told the little brother Pernie to tell her own story:
When she was in middle school, she once saw an old lady wearing wooden clogs and carrying a baggage on the steps of the shrine.Seeing that the old lady would take a break every few steps, she felt that she had to help with her luggage, so she decided to wait for the old lady to rest halfway through to help. But every time she was about to get closer, the old lady would take a step. As soon as she saw the old lady trying to get up without distraction, she was embarrassed to talk to her and followed her silently. This situation is repeated two or three times, and the steps are at the top.
She couldn't help the old lady, and the old lady didn't know that there was a girl behind her hesitating to help...
Although more than 20 years have passed, this matter has always been remembered by her mother. She often regrets why she didn't put her thoughts into action at the beginning.
Then, my mother said this:
"I don't hate the memories of Shijie. I really regretted it afterwards. I thought it would be good to do that and to do it like this, but there were other things that made me feel 'fortunately I did it at that time'. I don't mean to think back to the past from the perspective of profit and loss, but after having warm and beautiful thinking in my heart, I put it into action. Afterwards, I would also feel 'It's great to do it at that time'. Looking back now, I have so many other beautiful memories for the memories on Shijie that I lost."
Every time I read this, I am moved by my mother's gentleness and wisdom.
Mom told Little Brother Pernie that things have happened and it is indeed irreversible, but if you regret it and understand the path of being a human being, it will be a waste of such an experience.
Uncle taught Little Pernie to be brave enough to take on the wrong things and what apologize is, while his mother made Little Pernie realize how to face the mistakes.
Secretly calling yourself a coward and then escaping all this is a way to face up to your mistakes and draw strength from it. After
, my uncle wrote a letter to Little Brother Pernie in his notebook "Human Troubles, Faults and Greatness". I deeply agree with his words in his letter: " We have the power to determine our words and deeds, so we can stand up from our mistakes. "
How to face mistakes is a common topic for parents, elders and children. After children make mistakes, their world will either become smaller or bigger, which depends entirely on how they view and how they face the mistakes.
