———
Recently I received a question: I am too busy with work, and I have less time to spend with my children. The child said, "Mom, I just want to be with you, I will definitely not disturb you!" What should I do to not affect my work and not disappoint my child?
I guess, when you hear the child's words, you must feel soft and want to say to him immediately: "Okay, mom will accompany you now, immediately, immediately!"
But the words are in lingering On the side of your mouth, you hesitated again.
It’s not that you don’t want to accompany your children; on the contrary, you want to accompany you too much: in the past few years, you have seen him grow up little by little, and the little ball of meat that only opens his eyes from the cradle has grown day by day to now, and it has become vaguely vague. He looks like a boy.
You really want to let go of everything, hug him, and even buy him any gifts he wants immediately to make up for the guilt in your heart that "because I chose a career, it's hard to accompany you."
I know what you are hesitating about.
What you hesitate about is whether you will give up your work companionship this time, which will give your children "false hope". Maybe I can give up my work today, but what about next time? If you are working overtime at an important meeting, if you are still working in the company, if you are still on a business trip, can you rush back again?
I know what you are hesitating about because I have been like you.
———
2015, I almost gave birth to prematurely, and quit my home naked, giving birth to a big baby and cute baby;
2016, I was lucky enough to welcome Xiaobao Xiaoguai, and accompanied them all the way to 2020 as a full-time mother Year.
For five years, I have been by their side all the time, accompanying them as a full-time mother.
Since the beginning of 2020, I have begun to return to the workplace, and the time I spend with my children has dropped drastically.
If I was the "24-hour mother" in the past, then the current me is the "weekend mother".
Not to mention accompanying the children, sometimes they go out early and come back late, and they can’t even see their figures on business trips.
At that time, I was deeply hurt by a sentence: "Every working mother owes a child a sorry!"
With such guilt, I began to gradually go astray-
guilt caused by impulsive consumption, which made me feel so hard that I could not help but make me feel guilty. I bought them a luxury brand that is not their age (or under my financial ability) that should be consumed: from burberry to monclur, from amarn to gucci...
"over-entertainment companionship" brought by guilt, which made me drag them out to play whenever I had time, and sometimes I didn't even let them finish my homework...
I was once in a state of "I can't accompany my children well" In the inner demon, I feel guilty. When I see them, I want to buy them and buy them, and I want to make them happy...
In fact, many people, like me, hope to use "money" to make up for the lack of companionship. The guilt comes.
can't remember how many times it has been. Because the business trip schedule is too tight, I always arrive at a high-speed rail station or airport, and I remember that I didn't buy anything for my children. I had to choose for them in a counter that is 2 to 3 times more expensive than outside. Take a gift home...
Later I found out that I was wrong.
———
Last year, when I was working from home, I got along more with my children and began to gradually find problems:
The luxury brand I bought for them because of impulse made them feel that "more than 5,000 yuan of clothes are not expensive. ”;
as long as I am in , they don't do their homework, and even use me as a shield, thinking that I will tolerate everything about them;
They will deliberately typify the keyboard, tear off the stickers on my computer, and even start to affect my work...
Once upon a time, I was worried about the elderly Loving children too much affects their growth; now, I have become such a person, the person I once hated.
learned from my mistakes, and I began to find a way to solve the problem.
First adjust your mindset.
As parents, we come out to work to support our family. There is nothing to feel guilty about - if we have difficulties in food and clothing, how can we accompany us?
So, I don’t owe them a “sorry” because I’m already giving it to my family with the best I can.
, however, in the past, it was more about companionship, but now it is more about making money.
is then analyzing and solving problems.
is not influenced by emotions, but is more pragmatic: "The soldiers come and the generals block it, and the water comes and the soil covers it." When you encounter problems, just analyze and solve the problem!
Overall analysis ideas
The so-called "no time to accompany you" is actually divided into three categories:
1. Really no time: too busy with work, no time to take care of your family, no time at all;
2. Time doesn't match: have time, but with your children The work and rest time is staggered
3. Less accompanying: I can spend 1 hour or less every day, but at least I can meet
every day, and I have different specific analysis. It is roughly divided into six categories from A to F.
and the solution is not difficult, it is nothing more than the following:
Increase companionship time: Rescheduling work time (A), time at home (E)
Improve companionship quality: weekend companionship (B), high-quality companionship (F)
0 Improve companionship quality: weekend companionship (B), high-quality companionship (F)
Remote companionship: timed phone number (C), mobile phone message (D)
The first two situations are relatively simple. When you are at home, try to put down your phone as much as possible and respond in time when your child wants to accompany you. It's enough.
But the problem I face is very difficult: I really have very little time to spend with me, either work overtime in the company, or I have been on the road... I am in a state of "not even seeing a figure".
So, I did the following three things:
. Equip the child with a remote contact tool
Mobile phone (WeChat)
Mainly give my old phone to the child, apply for a WeChat message for him, and usually send me a message. When I send homework and photos, I will also make voice calls and video calls.
mobile phones are managed by the teacher, so they can apply for use instead of using them at any time, so they don’t have to worry about being addicted to mobile phones.
Smart desk lamp
My family has bought two smart desk lamps in succession: Tencent Dingdang vs Word Jump Dali
On the left is Tencent dingdang Dingdang. Basically, there is no problem checking new words, but you need to turn on the corresponding function to use it. There are often responses like "Dingdang doesn't understand what you are saying, please change the word and ask me again"; they rarely use contact with me, mainly for checking words and doing homework by themselves. On the right side of
is the character dance Dali (two names can be set: Dali or Dali classmate), which is used to communicate and accompany them remotely, which is very, very convenient!
Because I deeply thought about my schedule: it’s not that I’m busy all the time, but that I can always take some time to see my children’s learning and growth, such as lunch break, before dinner, before going to bed, actually, I’ll take about 10 minutes. I'm always free.
This is to be responsible for them in terms of schoolwork: select extracurricular stories they like, let them upload homework, correct them themselves, and then assign targeted exercises - even if I am not by their side, I can still spend time and give them the same Their company of growth.
Occasionally, I can find some small surprises and leave my "correction":
. Let the child approach us
For example, during the winter and summer vacations, I can take the child to the company.
Indeed, not everyone can take their children to the company - but if you have to work overtime, after get off work, you can actually let your family take their children near the company, have dinner together, or meet and chat with the children for a while. It's OK.
To be honest... My boss's learning efficiency in the company is really good; and he is already familiar with the company. When I get busy, he will go to dinner with the HR sister or go with me. I ate the takeaway I ordered in the small conference room.
and even the company's self-service vending machines and snacks have become the "snack cabinet" they are thinking about. They often ask me:
"Mom, can I go to the company with you?"
Sometimes, I work overtime on weekends, I They will also be brought with them: I type in my seat and have a meeting, and they will do their homework, read books, or watch animations on the big screen.
. Give alternative companionship
In fact, as long as children play well, they often forget our existence. So if the child insists on us to accompany him, we may have to think about it:
. Are there some problems with the people who are accompanying him now?
Do you often scold them for some trivial matters?
Is it deliberately telling scary stories to make them unable to sleep in order to make them obedient?
Is there something that they refuse to buy, or they buy something they don’t like?
…
No matter men and women, as long as they go out of the house and work outside, they must at least ensure that their rear is stable, otherwise it will be easy to get more than worth the loss.
My point is: Although I work very hard, my family is still ranked first.
Only by giving children high-quality alternative companionship (actually those who replace our own companions) can we work and do things with confidence -
At this point, think it through early and relax early; otherwise it will be easy to get along with the elderly There was a dispute: I clearly asked the elderly to help me just to replace us. I can’t just do housework for us, and I hope my children like me the most, right?
How can most things in this world be able to achieve both?
In this way, I actually re-examine my relationship with my child, other people and my child’s relationship: when I am not at home, my husband, my parents, my parents-in-law, and even friends and teachers in the child’s class. They all replace me and become the person who gets along directly with children.
. As it turns out, people as reliable as them, generally speaking, when they bring their children up... The children will not even take the initiative to contact me!
demarcate the boundary of companionship
The questioner's child said:
Mom, I just want to be with you, I will definitely not disturb you!
I think the questioner should also be worried that what the child said "definitely not disturbs", and will gradually change from real non-disturbance to real disturbance.
For this reason, we need to define the boundary of companionship: so that children know when they can find us and when they cannot.
I have also analyzed several common situations and solutions:
can also be simply summarized into the following two situations:
If you really can't accompany you, then quickly arrange other things for your child, or take care of others;
If you can accompany you for a little while, then just hold it, or make an agreement not to speak, but you can hold it in your arms.
It should be noted that as long as you decide to let your child be with you, you must be prepared. "They will definitely have an impact, no matter how much or less" - so you can prepare some plans in advance.
I usually prepare some in advance:
New book (you can take time to see the flash sale activities of e-commerce platforms on the way to and from work, and take time to stock up, collect it)
small toys (1688 can wholesale McDonald's toys, about a few pieces per one)
small toys (1688 can wholesale McDonald's toys, about a few pieces per one)
small Snacks (stock up everyday)
Let them take advantage of the freshness to read books and play with toys - don't let them watch cartoons at this time, otherwise they will keep disturbing you until you let go and promise to show them cartoons!
———
I can’t count how many times I have been. When I was working at home, my two children also looked at me eagerly and said:
Mom, I want you to accompany me.
They even started playing puzzles with me: Mom, please make a spell: "Splash-hey", what is the spelling word?
Mom, next to the ear, one stands and the other mouth, what is it?
I stopped the work in my hand and held them in my arms. Xiao Meng soon felt bored and jumped to the ground and left; but Xiao Guai, who had just turned 6, could sit quietly in my arms.
Once, when I finished the meeting, Xiaogui looked up at me and said, "Mom, what are we going to eat later?"
"Well, what do you want to eat?"
"Fried pork with shredded bamboo shoots!"
I nodded.
He jumped happily to the ground and ran to his brother happily, shouting as he ran, "Xiaomeng, we can eat the food we made today! Mom personally stir-fried pork with shredded bamboo shoots made for us!"
"Then I want to eat two bowls of rice!" Xiao Meng closed the book and said while twisting her body.
"Then I want to eat three bowls!"
Interactive topic
How do you view this issue?
Let's share it in the comment area together~
END
I am a cute mother Cecilia, an academic second child mother
If you have any doubts or questions about parent-child
Welcome to leave me a message or send a private message
Scientific raising, I hope every parent will be willing to give me a message or send a private message
Scientific raising, I hope every parent can All can grow up with children
* Some of the pictures in the article are from the free picture website pexels
