Thanks to the internet, stories of tragic events are overwhelming children, so it's crucial to talk to them and help them process the associated emotions.
Parents may want to have this conversation with their children, especially since children often hear misinformation from their peers.
Asking your children what they already know can help you have age-appropriate conversations about difficult topics.
TV channels and social media accounts are filled with thoughts and prayers for the victims and survivors of this era (of all types of violence), often accompanied by images of the worst events in people's lives (natural disasters, violence, war etc).
Additionally, with recent attacks on women's health and trans health, and movements to silence or oppress historically marginalized groups, parents may be wondering whether they should talk to their children about these difficult events and the topics they involve ( For example, sexual assault, death, hatred, violence).
If they decide to initiate these conversations, they may not know what to say; they may question what is most effective, and they may even worry that such conversations may be harmful.
I'm sure parents and other adults should talk to their children. If they want their children to understand what's going on in the world but also have the ability to ask questions, multiple conversations can help their children gain the knowledge, insight, empathy, grief, and healing that are part of why we're talking Traumatic grounds.
Here, I humbly offer some reasons why parents should talk to their children, and some tips on how they can do it.
1. Children with Problems
Although parents believe they are protecting their children by not talking about issues related to violence (e.g., terrorism, crime) or oppression (e.g., racism, LGBTQ rights, women's rights, disability rights), young people Information is being learned and absorbed that parents may not even know.
They listen to adult conversations and use a variety of media (e.g., news, social media, television programs), which results in the formation of opinions and questions that require clarification. Many children will be reluctant to clarify their questions or concerns for adults, which is why adults need to initiate these conversations.
2. Children Talk to Each Other
Children of all ages talk about things they learn from their homes or from their media consumption. Young children teach their peers new words or concepts (good and bad). Meanwhile, older children introduce ideas, jokes and other content to their peers. When you don't discuss traumatic news events with your children, other children may provide your children with misinformation or controversial opinions.
Peers' perceptions or interpretations of these events may also instill a range of emotions that your child is not ready to deal with, including fear, anger, and sadness. So, if you don't talk to your child, other children will, and they may tell them things you may not want them to hear.
3. Children communicate unresolved emotions through their behavior
When children feel angry, scared, sad, helpless, anxious, or traumatized, they may "act out" through their behavior. Young children may lose tempers or engage in persistent violent behavior (e.g., hitting, kicking, spitting) toward their peers, siblings, teachers, or parents.
Older children may engage in self-injurious behaviors (e.g., cutting or experimenting with alcohol, nicotine, or other substances); depression-related behaviors (e.g., crying, sleep disturbances, changes in eating); or other harmful interpersonal behaviors (e.g., bullying, physical violence, inappropriate or risky sexual behavior).
4. Children may experience collective trauma
Collective trauma is when a group of people may experience negative psychological symptoms after a violent act by members of that community, even if they have not directly encountered the act or personally know the victim or survivor. Symptoms may include difficulty concentrating or functioning, loss of interest in life activities, or feeling unsafe or unsafe in daily life.
When people from historically marginalized groups (such as gays and lesbians) experience any form of collective trauma, they may experience increased negative emotions, such as fear or sadness; they may also internalize beliefs about their identity or identity group negative information (for example, inferiority complex , self-blame, low self-esteem). Therefore, helping children process negative emotions early can help reduce trauma symptoms and promote a healthier identity.
5. Children learn about humanity and justice through the actions of their parents
When children absorb large amounts of information from their surroundings, they develop their own personalities, values, and identities. When they see their parents or other adults ignoring injustice or showing a lack of empathy or emotion in response to traumatic events, they may be socialized to believe that these are normal and acceptable behaviors or reactions.
As a result, when these children grow into adults, they may have difficulty expressing or living with negative emotions, as well as the ability to respond to injustices they encounter or observe.
I now offer four tips on how parents can handle these conversations
While every family situation and dynamic is unique, these approaches can change accordingly. Furthermore, some of these approaches may involve responses to the times (new tragedies), while others may involve long-term strategies that can help as new events arise.
1. Be prepared to have age-appropriate conversations with your children
Tailor the conversation to your child’s age or maturity. Younger children (7htmlunder 1 year old) may not need to know the specifics of violence, but may benefit from a discussion of how sometimes people do bad things for reasons that are often difficult to understand.
Teenagers (1 years and older) are generally smarter than their years and have insights that rival those of adults. Children between (7 to 0 years old) may be able to understand concepts better than younger children, but still lack the maturity to discuss heavier topics such as tweens or teens.
Meet them where they are and think about what age-appropriate messages you want to convey to them (e.g., "I will do my best to keep you safe" or "I want you to be prepared in case In case of a situation like this").
2. Ask your children what they already know
Having children share what they know first (as uninterruptedly as possible) is a good baseline for deciding how to guide the conversation. This is also an opportunity for parents to later correct misinformation or clarify topics that young people may not fully understand.
Inviting them to share what they know first also gives children a sense of agency, as adults trust them to share their knowledge rather than lecturing or preaching what parents think they should know.
Finally, understanding what they are learning from others (peers, teachers, media, etc.) can also inform decisions about potential interventions (e.g., talking to peers’ parents or teachers, limiting or monitoring screen time).
3. Create a culture of communication and follow up regularly
Regular, organic conversations with your children about social events and their daily lives can help monitor their emotional, behavioral and psychological development and well-being. Parents may find that the best times to have these conversations are when their children's attention spans are less focused (e.g., riding or walking to and from school, family meals without screen time, before bed, etc.).
4. Ask for help when you need it and offer support to others
If you are concerned that you need additional help or resources, don't be afraid to ask. Because only 8% schools have mental health professionals (tutors) on campus, you may have to seek outside support. Hospitals and communities will also have mental health and behavioral health services departments.
Conclusion
Until traumatic events or systemic injustices are reduced, parents should expect to have ongoing difficult conversations with their children to prevent mental health problems in their children as adults.
As a final thought, parents often think about how they would like to be better at parenting than their parents were - often noting that previous generations had less emotion, communication, or validation. Because of this, when parents feel confused or sad about something they are exposed to, they may think about what they wish they had learned or gained from their parents.
Reflections like this may help parents think about how to start these conversations with their children.
