Psychologist Li Meijin believes that the answer to an adult's behavior today can be found in his experience as a child. If a child is not confident enough, it is often due to the lack of praise and approval from his parents when he was young, causing him to seek approval from oth

Psychologist Li Meijin believes that: The answers to adults’ today’s behavior can be found in their experiences as infants and children.

If a child is not confident enough, it is often due to the lack of praise and recognition from his parents when he was young, causing him to seek approval from others throughout his life.

The pictures and pictures in this article are all from the Internet, and the pictures and texts are irrelevant.

They account for a larger proportion, and the one who has the deepest impact on children is the mother. Your education and affirmation are the key for children to face their self-worth in the future. If you fail to do a good job, children will often have low self-esteem to the core.

"Since I was a child, I have never heard my mother praise me..."

I am a mother who never hesitates to praise her children. The two children in my family have grown up with my praise since they were young. Every time they accomplish something, , I am happy for my child from the bottom of my heart, and am willing to express my true inner thoughts.

My husband often calls me a "first-level scholar who blows rainbow farts and ". With this skill, I win the favor of my children and gain a particularly high status in this family.

I didn’t think this skill was that great in the past. It wasn’t until my little cousin appeared that I felt lucky that I was a pretty good mother.

Then Tiantian Girl came to my house as a guest. I watched Xiaobao fold his clothes and put them back in the closet in the room obediently. I said habitually, "This family cannot live without you, you are the best baby..." "

The family has long been immune to this kind of rainbow fart, but the cousin on the side suddenly choked up and said: "Since I was a child, I have never heard my mother praise me..."

Looking at the red corners of her eyes, I suddenly felt mixed emotions and remembered the past. Every time I go to my cousin's house to pay New Year's greetings, I always see my aunt scolding her three children. We always feel a little unbearable when we see the children with their heads hanging down and their faces flushed. We urge our aunt to talk less, as the children are all very good.

As a result, my aunt did not accept the offer. Instead, she listed a lot of children's shortcomings and complained that several children in the family were not promising. Every time my aunt finished saying this, the corners of my cousin's eyes were always red.

She has been suppressed by her aunt since she was a child. She has an extremely sensitive and fragile personality. When she occasionally hears words of encouragement from others, her first reaction is "I don't deserve it."

My cousin's experience always reminds me of a sentence mentioned in a parenting book I read, " You don't know how much your blurted words hurt your child..."

Parents never know: The background of children's low self-esteem is often painted on by you yourself.

Most of the mothers of children with low self-esteem are of the following types

1. Suppressive mothers

are similar to their cousin’s mothers. They are always used to suppressing their children with words or actions, trying to use this method to make the other party be Tamed and controlled, unintentionally planted the seeds of "inferiority" in children.

Previously in "Youth Talk", a little girl complained in front of everyone that her mother often beat herself up and compared her with "how other people's children are" but could not see her own efforts, which made her feel very painful.

But the mother insists that the child's personality is easy to "drift" and someone needs to be pushed from behind. This is all for the child to make better progress.

Even if the girl thinks that this "stimulation method" is not suitable for her and will only make her feel bad about herself, her mother is still stubborn. The conversation between mother and daughter ended with the girl running off the stage in tears. However, judging from the result of the communication, the mother did not realize her mistake.

In fact, this is also a mistake that many traditional parents tend to make. Because most of the in China is "self-effacing education" , so parents rarely take the initiative to praise their children. Sometimes, although they are proud of their children in their hearts, they still say it with their mouths. If you are disparaging, I hope the child will not be proud.

As everyone knows, your belittling often easily causes children to doubt themselves, not only affects the parent-child relationship, but may also become a lingering nightmare for the child's life.

2. Mother who loves to cry about poverty

"My family has no money" is their mantra.

No matter what the children ask for, their first words are "the family has no money", although the original intention is to reduce the children's desire to consume and let them learn to be frugal. But often this can do more harm than good to the child.

It is easy for children to have the following extreme personalities:

It is easy for children to have low self-esteem. reveals poverty at its core. Be cautious when spending money, and your social skills will also be affected.

makes children spend money. has a sense of lack in his heart, so he wants to desperately make up for his childhood regrets. When he has money, he spends crazily and cannot save money.

makes children too obsessed with money. An economics professor at Harvard University has put forward a term called "scarcity mentality". He said that people who grow up in an environment of scarcity are often prone to an "unbalanced" mentality. The more they lack something, the more they care about it.

The scarcity of money since childhood often makes them obsessed with making money. In the future, when everything is measured by money, their happiness will often be greatly reduced.

3. The comparison-loving mother

In the recently popular "Come on Mom", the role of Qin Wei is very impressive.

She likes to compare. In order to maintain her dignity, she pretends to the outside world that her husband is an elite and she is a rich wife. She is picked up and dropped off by a special car every day, wearing brand-name clothes and carrying brand-name bags.

Not only did she have to put on a show, but her daughter also wanted to act along with her -

because she wanted her child to go to a good school, she went online to buy a princess dress at a high price when her child was going to perform. In order to make it easier to return it later, she chose to put the tag in it. In the clothes, she also repeatedly told her daughter not to stain her skirt.

As a result, the daughter was under excessive psychological pressure and the "uncomfortable" performance costume caused the performance to be ruined. The mother's dream was shattered. The child stood in front of the piano with a face filled with grievance and fear, as well as a lingering low self-esteem.

In order to maintain the image of her mother, her daughter has to pretend to be "sensible" and "obedient" every day to earn face for her mother. This kind of overloaded love makes the child breathless and creates a deep sense of inferiority and powerlessness in his heart.

[Summary]

As parents, we should understand that we should act within our capabilities. Everyone has a different starting point. There is no need to flatter ourselves and set too high expectations for ourselves and our children to avoid injury to both parties.