Many parents are afraid that their children will lose their temper. In fact, when a child expresses his strongest emotions, it is also the best time to manage his emotions. So today I would like to share with you 4 things we should not do when a child is having a tantrum, and the first words we should say~
When a child is having a tantrum, 4 things we should not do
- Stop venting emotions
When a child is having a tantrum Sometimes, the first reaction of many parents is to stop and find ways to stop his crying. For example:
. Threat: "If you lose your temper again, mom will leave!"
. Ignore: "You lose your temper in the room first, and come out by yourself when you don't want to cry anymore."
. Coaxing: "Don't get angry, baby, like this It's definitely wrong, isn't it..."
In fact, losing your temper is harmless, but stopping it is. You tried your best to stop his crying, but it became an indigestible emotion that eroded the child's heart.
- Reasoning with your children
"It's useless to lose your temper. It won't solve the problem. Will the matter be solved if you lose your temper?" In fact, when the child is losing his temper, he won't listen at all. What you say
Even if he heard everything, he still couldn't communicate effectively.
- Blame loudly
When their children lose their temper, many parents are okay at first, but later they can't help but use louder voices to suppress their children. The child will either add fuel to the fire and become even more angry, or he will collapse and cry.
Why do parents easily lose their temper with their children? The inner consciousness of parents is that you are our child, and you must listen to me. In our inner concept, children are children and are not equal to us. In the eyes of most families, children are young and ignorant. When the children are not under our control, we lose control. So when we encounter something that we cannot accept, one principle is: deal with emotions first, and then deal with things.
The same goes for when a child has a tantrum. You will find that the more we try to control our children's tantrums and reason, the more violent the children's reactions will be at this time. At this time, all the child needs is a gentle hug. When the child is calm, communicate with the child again.
What to do when a child loses his temper?
- The first reaction is to accept the child's emotions!!
Don't regard the child's tantrum as a bad temper and willfulness. Take it as a signal for help sent by the child to you. In this way, we may more calmly allow children's anger to occur, instead of trying to suppress it forcibly, or even encourage children to vent their negative emotions of grievance. The first sentence is:
. "I know you are unhappy, you can cry."
. "I know you really want to buy snacks, but you can't buy them now, and you feel a little sad."
In fact, all children are not Will lose temper for no reason. Many times it is because your needs are not seen. Parents should learn to be more patient with their children, allow them to defend their inner feelings, and accept their children's emotions.
Tips
Acceptance does not mean letting children cry and vent violence. Instead, teach children how to deal with negative emotions reasonably. If
your child loses his temper in public, take him to a corner of Little Red Book where there are few people around, and don’t yell at him in front of everyone.
- After accepting emotions, you must also empathize with your children.!
We have found through many experiences that being reasonable when children lose their temper will make them more likely to lose their temper. In order to persuade children, we must learn to empathize.Empathy is to make children feel that "it's not just me who is like this". Others, even parents, will behave in the same way when encountering such things. Empathy naturally requires parents not to blame their children from above. Only when the children find that their parents are not on the opposite side will they be willing to cooperate with you and their mood will improve.
Tips
Parents should treat themselves as children and think from their children's perspective in order to understand their children's inner thoughts. Parents should not feel that their children are a burden. They should be more serious or even harsh when they are with their children.
- Communication comes after empathy
After the child's mood is stable, tell the child that losing his temper is not the best way to express himself. Learn to speak slowly. Although the sound of a tantrum is loud, the mother cannot hear or understand it, so she does not to get the results you want. The best thing is to wait for him to stop losing his temper and then encourage him positively. It is a good expression that you did not lose your temper today. This is good! You can continue to do this. The things you hope and like may slow down. It's slow!
When the child does something right, we need to encourage and respond immediately. Direct body language allows the child to receive the mother's love and understanding from the emotional level, and the anxious mood is soothed. Children are more sensitive, and you can even wait until 1-2 days later to talk about this matter again. Only when the child is truly stable, education will be helpful to the child. Then you can interact with the child in a funny and fun way. Laughter once again strengthens the bond between parent and child.
Other tips
. Counting methods
Many parents like threatening counting methods such as "I'll count to three and if you don't get up, I'll leave!" Now change it to this: "Let's count to 5 and become happy together. Okay". Use counting to help children get out of their emotions.
. Wait quietly
Note that parents should not look serious. All children hope to get the care of their parents. In fact, he is very worried that his parents will express their opinions that he has done something wrong. Sometimes we just look at him quietly, but in fact he himself knows where he went wrong.
. Give you a chance to say it again
Many times when children want something, they don’t choose to discuss it with you, but are worried that you won’t give it, and communicate with you in a tantrum. You can say, “You are like this It's rude. I don't like it. I'll give you a chance to say it again. "
. Let the children figure it out together.
"You want to eat ice cream. The problem is that you have a cough now. Let's figure out what to do together!" Bringing them in to figure out a way to solve the problem together can not only help the child to control his emotions and stop acting out, but it also helps the child, but
being a parent is not an easy task. In life, we often encounter all kinds of troubles, big and small.
