When it comes to this topic, there is always a deep sense of guilt and powerlessness. Because at the end of the day, I'm a yelling, punching, emotional mom.

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一

When talking about this topic, there is always a deep sense of guilt and powerlessness sense.

Because at the end of the day, I am a yelling, punching, emotional mom.

And I have to admit, I am also very good at beautifying myself. I always use filtered words and pictures to shape myself into a mother with advanced educational concepts in the new era.

Perhaps, it is because of my deep self-esteem . I always hide my humble and dark side unconsciously, mention it in one word, or simply avoid talking about it.

I only show the side that I want to be seen, so as to Attract admiration from others and gain self-satisfaction.

But reality is reality after all. In the reality of long-term living, I have nowhere to hide. Sometimes I feel like a wake-up call when I come back to my senses.

Like last night.

二

After washing up and going to bed, it was the fixed time for reading picture books.

picked up "I am Kamen Rider Kaibu" after a break. He has been reading this book for more than a week, and he still likes it.

Although I feel that this book is The book was superficial and dogmatic, but I picked it up without thinking. After all, Ikkyu was the protagonist in the picture book session.

I have always just read picture books. At best, I try my best to speak clearly and pretend to read the lines of different characters in different tones. I rarely expand the content of the book through explanations and questions and answers.

First, I am lazy. , Second, I read in Yin Jianli ’s book that it is recommended to read the original text to the children, without additional educational value, and the purpose is simpler.

But an exception happened last night.

The protagonist Xiao Kuan was playing the Kamen Rider game with his mother and sister. He used a hard homemade weapon to hit his mother, who was playing the bad guy.

After her mother's resistance was ineffective, she simply quit the game and stopped playing with him. , Xiao Kuan felt aggrieved. At this time, a voice said, "If you don't think about others, you will become a bad guy."

After reading this, Yixiu suddenly added, "Xiao Kuan doesn't think about others. Hit Mom with a hard toy."

I immediately rolled my eyes, "What about Ikkyu, do you think about others?"

"I think about others." Ikkyu said thoughtfully, "I didn't mean to hit you. And I will apologize."

His concerned voice immediately appeared in my mind, "Mom, are you okay? I didn't mean it."

smiled and continued, "What about me, do you think I did it for you? "Is it for your own good?"

I thought it was a sure answer, but Ikkyu said firmly, "No."

I was confused, "How could I not think about you?"

Who knew that Ikkyu suddenly felt sad and his eyelids drooped. , pursed his lips, and turned his back to my little body,

said aggrievedly, "You kick me, the bones on your feet are so hard, it hurts to kick me, I cry for you Don't stop..."

My heart suddenly tightened. It turned out that some damage was irreparable.

Even after beating him and venting my anger, I will apologize to him as soon as possible after I calm down.

His body will no longer be tense at that moment, and he will get into my arms with trust, and his head will be relaxed and close to him. My chest,

stopped crying, calmed down, and the next second he jumped up and down to play with toys, as if everything was normal and nothing had happened.

I also naturally thought that a sincere apology could reconnect our emotions. , covering the child's physical pain,

But the grievance and bitterness that I couldn't hide last night broke my heart,

Because it was caused by me, even if I maintain full contact with the child in the future, the painful memory, The psychological trauma will always be there. Once the switch is triggered, the pain at that time will sweep towards the child.

So I often advise my friends around me, and at the same time remind myself, Don't hit your children.

三

Sometimes, children will turn into annoying "monsters" and supermen who talk about "don't, don't, don't",

But more often, it is our own bad emotions that are causing the trouble, or it may be excessive pressure. , maybe it’s because he’s being angered elsewhere, maybe it’s because of his overwhelming desire to control, or maybe it’s just bad weather.

Anyway, he’s just angry and doesn’t like everything he looks at. At this time, the child appears naughty and ignorant. It became a legitimate excuse for us to vent,

so vicious words, intimidating tones, and intensive slaps came one after another towards the children who were unable to fight back.

The child has calmed down and his anger has calmed down. It is simple and quick, but does it really solve the actual problems of us and our children? Not necessarily

.

What is particularly bad is that this simple and crude education method leaves traces on the child's heart. In the future, he may lick his wounds alone for countless days and nights to complete self-healing.

It is more likely that he will die. I have been hurt all my life, including when I entered the role of a parent.

I unconsciously inherited the method of torturing myself, which was straightforward beating and scolding, and used it on my children, passing it on from generation to generation, until I finally realized it. That generation emerged.

Some people may object, you mean that if the child does something wrong, I can’t tell or beat him, so what should I do? Let nature take its course?

Read this passage in " Positive Discipline " over and over again, which may give you some inspiration.

Parents, whether controlling or indulgent, are usually reactive rather than proactive. This means that they wait until a problem occurs before responding immediately.

Kind and firm parents are able to take a step back, observe and think before acting. They behave in a way that allows the child to see what should be done instead of constantly saying "Yes!" or "No!"

Kind but firm parents seek solutions rather than blaming their children, and recognize that it is the parents themselves who can and must change first. By changing yourself, even the smallest change, you can positively influence your child's behavior.

Kind and firm parents allow themselves and their children to make mistakes, imperfections, and repeated attempts. why? Because they know that mistakes are the best teachers and that's how humans grow.

I can only say that the process of raising children is also a process of self-healing and self-cultivation for you and me.

When we develop a peaceful mind and a tolerant mind, education will come naturally. Of course, the biggest beneficiary is ourselves. After all, the person who has been with us the longest is ourselves.

In short, on the road of

education,

there is sourness and sweetness,

you will make mistakes,

but you must be aware and grow.

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