In an era of rapid technological development, parents are not only worried about their children's learning, but also have another worry: how to keep their children away from various electronic products. Today I received a case of a child playing with his mobile phone while studyi

In an era of rapid technological development, parents are not only worried about their children's learning, but also have another worry: how to keep their children away from various electronic products.

received a case today about a child playing with his mobile phone while studying. The mother called me and said that her child has been playing with her mobile phone from time to time while studying. This phenomenon has been going on for some time. She also told her child many times, but there has been no obvious improvement.

Tomorrow is the last day of the final exam. Today, when the child returned home and was reviewing in the room, he saw the child playing with his mobile phone while reviewing. The mother immediately lost control of her emotions and became angry with her child, criticizing her child for not being half-hearted when studying. Tomorrow is the last day of exams and she should spend all her time reviewing.

The child got angry after being bullied by his mother for a while, and said: "Why don't you let me play with my mobile phone? I have been taking exams for two days, can't you just let me relax for a while? Besides, the results of the first two are already over." "Come out, does playing with my mobile phone affect my study?"

The mother was speechless by the child's questioning, but she couldn't really let her child play with the mobile phone. She felt panicked and felt very uncomfortable, so she called. Consult and ask the listening teacher: "Teacher, am I wrong? But I really can't do it if I watch him study on his mobile phone. I'm really worried that he will affect his study and lead to a decline in academic performance. What should I do? "What can I do?"

In the mother's expression, she can feel her great anxiety: she is worried that her children's playing with mobile phones will affect their children's learning, but when she wants to interfere, she faces the children's incomprehension and resistance; she wants to let go and believe that her children can Controlling the speed of her mobile phone would not affect her studies, and she couldn't do it herself.

She is a full-time mother, and she is also a full-time mother who takes her children alone to study in a strange city. She placed all her feelings and expectations on her child, and the child has always lived up to her expectations, being very sensible and doing well in school.

In the process of communicating and discussing with her, as the discussion deepened, step by step, she got closer to the anxiety behind her fear that her children playing with mobile phones would affect their children's learning, and saw that what she was really worried about was not actually her children's learning. The achievement itself.

What she is really afraid of is the failure she may face because of this. She believes that if her children's grades are really affected by letting them play with mobile phones, then she will become a failure as a mother and face criticism from other family members. She couldn't accept it.

To put it another way, she needs the result of her child maintaining excellent grades so that her efforts, hard work and dedication in studying alone can be seen by her family, to prove that she is a successful mother and that her efforts are meaningful.

She has this understanding of her children's learning: if her children do not do well in school, she is a failed mother. It is this kind of knowledge that makes her worry that it will affect her children's learning whenever she sees her children playing with mobile phones, and she feels anxious because of it.

asked her if there were any stay-at-home mothers who accompanied her to school. Their children's grades were not very good because they were playing with mobile phones or for other reasons. What did she think of those mothers? Does she think those mothers are failures?

After listening to this, she had some insights and realized that her thoughts were biased: the child's learning quality cannot be the only criterion for measuring the mother's achievements. The root cause of her anxiety is that she has put her own life into perspective. The subject is placed on the children.

And so far, it has been proven during this period that although my children play with mobile phones, they are not addicted to them and affect their studies. The children also need channels to relax and adjust themselves after studying. She is overreacting. .

Many times, we say we are worried about something, but in fact, we may really be worried about something else.Just like this mother, she said she was anxious because she was worried that her child's use of mobile phones would affect his learning, but in fact, what she was really worried about was her own sense of failure and the accusations of others after her child's learning decline while playing with mobile phones.

After she clearly understands her own thoughts and perceptions, she will know how to deal with the matter reasonably, reach a consensus with the child in a rational way, and get a result acceptable to both parties. .