A girl’s childhood is the source of strength for her to face setbacks in the future.
hopes that every girl will be cared for and grow up to be independent and confident.
Author | Li Walnut
saw a breathtaking video.
A girl was cut into a "pot head" by her mother. It was so ugly that the girl cried loudly.
Instead of trying to correct it, the mother laughed loudly and held up her mobile phone to take pictures of her daughter's "ugly behavior".
The daughter cried harder and harder, and the mother laughed louder and louder.
The daughter who almost collapsed cried and slammed the door and left, leaving only her mother's devilish ridicule in the video.
Netizens couldn’t stand it anymore and accused mothers of hurting their children’s self-esteem.
Some girls also came forward to express their own experiences, telling about their low self-esteem due to having their hair cut off when they were young and the pain of being isolated by their classmates.
Not only did this mother fail to realize her mistake, she instead angrily criticized netizens for "meddling in their own business."
It is a girl’s nature to love beauty, and adolescence is a special stage when girls care about their appearance.
This mother’s series of operations not only destroyed her image and hurt her self-esteem, but may even affect her daughter for the rest of her life.
Thinking of Dong Qing, she was teased by her father for being ugly when she was a child. "A potato is still a potato no matter how dressed up," which caused her to have very low self-esteem throughout her teenage years. Years later, she still couldn't control her emotions and shed tears when recalling the past.
Compared with the thick lines of boys, girls are more sensitive, emotionally fragile, and more easily hurt.
Therefore, parents of families with girls should know some "trap avoidance guidelines" for raising girls.
Don’t hurt 5 things on a girl, otherwise it will harm her for life.
Self-esteem should not be hurt
I read a piece of news. After classes resumed due to the epidemic, my daughter who had gained 30 pounds and could no longer fit into her school uniform. Her mother laughed while taking pictures of her embarrassment about not being able to fit in, and posted it on social networking sites.
’s daughter’s classmates saw this video, and everyone laughed at her. When her daughter came home, she cried and made trouble and asked her mother to delete the video.
Not only did my mother not delete it, she even sent the video to the teacher with a smile.
Bi Shumin said:
"When a child grows, he must first confirm his own existence from the pupils of his parents. If even the closest people ignore your dignity and deny your value, then the child will not be able to see his own existence. The meaning.”
Self-esteem is the backbone of a person, carrying all emotional experiences.
Girls' prefrontal lobes develop faster and more fully than boys, their emotions are more sensitive, and their self-esteem is more easily injured.
If an adult does not care about the child's dignity and ridicules, satirizes, and belittles her unscrupulously, making her feel ashamed, her self-esteem will be injured, which will lead to a series of low self-esteem phenomena such as inferiority complex, cowardice, and negativity.
Good parents know how to protect the dignity of girls.
will not criticize her or expose her shortcomings in front of others, nor will she publicize her shortcomings in a humiliating or ridiculing way.
Only girls who have been given enough face by their parents can understand self-esteem and self-love, and grow up to be sunny and progressive.
A sense of security cannot hurt
Bill Gates once said: "Education is a lifelong thing, and my first priority in educating children is to give them a sense of security."
A sense of security is the most basic and important component of a girl's personality. .
Brain science research shows that children with a stronger sense of security learn faster and are more active in doing things.Because her heart is at ease, she is more able to go all out.
On the contrary, if the inner sense of security is not guaranteed, the child will always be on tenterhooks and focus more on gaining inner peace, making it difficult to concentrate on completing one thing.
Girls with a sense of security have stronger hearts, sounder personalities, and healthier minds. They dare to break the constraints and shackles, and have the courage and determination to face the uncertainties in future life.
Such a girl needs more energy and support from her family of origin.
Maternal love is the best source of security, so before the age of 3, it is best for girls not to have an obvious separation period from their mother, so that the daughter can have the mentality of "my mother is there as long as I need her" and gain inner peace of mind.
html Girls aged 33-6 have a stronger perception of the world, so at this time, parents need to create a harmonious family atmosphere, avoid quarreling in front of the child, and not become emotional. Let the child feel the friendliness of the world, and she will become brave and confident.
htmlAfter the age of 36, a girl mainly relies on her father to gain a sense of security.
The book "Raising Girls" says that security is the core feeling that a daughter can get from a kind and good father. "
Therefore, the father must play the role of "backer". Whenever his daughter needs it, he must give her comfort and help as soon as possible so that she has no worries.
A girl's life may not be so smooth. When she encounters difficulties, She may stagger back, but dad is the last wall she retreats to.
Self-confidence cannot be hurt
The book " The Weakness of Human Nature " says: "People are born to like to be encouraged, use this. Treating children in the right way can allow children to grow up in a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, gain confidence, and become better. "
The most beautiful temperament of a girl is the confidence and freedom released from her bones.
If she grows up in an environment where she is denied and beaten, she will easily become self-doubt and self-denial, and will not dare to overcome all difficulties and obstacles.
There is a girl next to me who is obviously a top student, but she is always criticized and scolded by her mother anytime and anywhere.
Over time, even she does not recognize herself. When things happen, she always blames herself first. She doesn't dare to fight for the people and things she likes. She subconsciously avoids others when they show kindness, and tries her best to talk about her shortcomings to offset the praise of others. She unconsciously classifies herself as unworthy and bad.
Therefore, never underestimate the power of parents’ negative evaluation of their children. She will believe and fully accept their parents’ denial of herself, and internalize it into her own character and temperament.
A girl with low self-esteem will not walk with ease. Dare to raise your head and raise your chest, avoid your eyes when speaking, dare not participate in group activities, and shy away from doing things. It is easy to form a pleaser personality.
Good parents know how to be a girl's "praise teacher" and always accept her, affirm her, and encourage her. Give her the confidence to hold her head high.
Courage cannot be hurt.
In our traditional concept, girls are fragile and need to be protected, so adults always ask them to "stop climbing up and down" and "stop running crazy." "Girls should look like girls"...
As time goes by, girls really become quiet and timid. They cry when they are bumped into each other. When they are in danger, they quickly hide behind adults. They look either timid or shy. Shy.
But modern society is no longer suitable for a fragile and helpless little princess.
Leaders will not give her preferential treatment just because she is a girl. Customers will not be picky because she is a girl, and bad people will not be concerned about her weakness.
Carnegie said, Courage is the standard for measuring the size of the soul.
Good parents will always encourage girls to have courage, ambition, pursuit, and bold expression of themselves. At the same time, he accompanies her to exercise to "boost her body and strengthen her spirit."
For example, Li Yan , because she was born with a birth defect and is the daughter of Faye Wong , so she has been paid special attention to since she was born. However, she has never been afraid of the outside world's eyes. Every time she appears, she can be full of aura, brave and brave. confidence.
This is the confidence given to her by her native family.
Faye Wong always said to Li Yan: "There is nothing wrong with you." "I think you are beautiful, really."
Grandma also said to her: "Everyone in the world is different, so your lips are different from others." It's normal."
Her father gave her a direct message: "God gave you this scar, and I want this scar to be your glory."
Only with the acceptance and encouragement of your family can you raise a child who is neither humble nor arrogant, courageous, independent and free. girl.
Opinion cannot be hurt
How many parents have said this to girls?
"You have to be good", "be obedient" and "be sensible"...
As everyone knows, a daughter who is too good and obedient can easily be led by others.
Psychology has proven that girls who were well-behaved as children are often more likely to have psychological problems when they grow up.
Because at the expense of suppressing her true self, she would rather wrong herself than meekly cater to others, living a life of grievance, struggle, and frustration.
As Wu Zhihong said: "Forcing children to be obedient is feeding poison to them."
Being obedient is not an essential quality for good girls, otherwise the initiative in life will always be in the hands of others.
A good girl does not necessarily have to be too well-behaved, but must be independent-minded, able to think independently, dare to say no, be responsible for her own life, and never be someone else's marionette.
It is not difficult to cultivate such girls, because girls’ language skills develop earlier and they prefer to interact, communicate and share with others.
Parents should give their daughter the right to speak, let her express herself boldly, and even allow her to talk back and express her opinions, giving her the opportunity to have an equal dialogue with her parents.
At the same time, parents should try their best to let go, not make decisions for their children, and let their children be responsible for their own decisions as much as possible.
Only girls who are respected dare to speak, dare to think, dare to challenge themselves, have more initiative, and live their lives as the helmsman of their own destiny.
Dr. Montessori said: "Every character defect is caused by some kind of wrong treatment experienced by children in early childhood."
It is not easy to cultivate a confident, brave, and secure girl.
We must carefully protect her self-esteem, affirm her actions, encourage her to strive for it, teach her to have her own ideas, and always give her a sense of security.
Although it is not easy, when your daughter grows up, you can see the relationship between the education you gave her and the strength and quality she possesses today.
Japanese parenting expert Yoshihiko Morotomi pointed out that For girls, loving and being loved is very important, which is related to her level of self-awareness.
Everyone’s destiny is their original family. Only girls surrounded by love know how to love life, love themselves, and have the power to pursue happiness.
