(This article is from a psychological counseling case, reprinting is prohibited, important information has been blocked, please do not check in)
I am the mother of a 13-year-old girl, and I feel a failure as a mother. My daughter is already one I don't go out very much or go to school for a year and a half.
Every time I see other people’s children go to school with their schoolbags on their backs and hear other parents talking about their children’s schooling, it hurts to think that my daughter does not even leave the door.
Sometimes I couldn't help it, so I carried my family on my back, found a place where there was no one, and cried.
I have also consulted with several consultants. After repeated discussion and analysis, I summarized the following errors and shared them with my parents for reference. I hope that the tragedy that happened in my family will not repeat itself.
The first mistake is to pay too much attention to learning, to be too anxious, to get angry, and to spoil the child's life too much.
When my daughter first entered junior high school, she had heavy learning tasks. I checked her homework every day. If she didn't write or did not write well, she would get angry at her. The less homework my daughter writes, and the worse it gets, the more I go crazy, and there is hardly a peaceful day at home.
The opposite of learning is spoiling in life. Whatever the daughter wants to eat, she must be satisfied. The daughter has the final say on what to eat at home. If your daughter doesn't like to eat, give her some takeaways.
My daughter is at home, and she doesn't do any housework. I do all the housework. What I think in my heart is that as long as my daughter is happy and study hard, it is fine for me to suffer a little and be tired.
The result of this is that on the one hand, the daughter hates learning, on the other hand, she is very self-conscious, using her parents as a nanny.
The second error,It was something related to my daughter, and I wouldn't let his dad interfere. I think his dad can't speak.
The result of this is that the daughter is estranged from his father, and his father lacks a sense of family responsibility. No matter how my daughter and I make trouble every day, his dad doesn't say anything.
When my daughter was young, I could control her. But as soon as my daughter entered junior high school, she became more unruly and played on her mobile phone until midnight. When I care about her, she quarrels with me, pinches and twists me, and I am more and more powerless.
The consultant said that the father represents the rules at home. My father has stood aside for more than ten years. I always have the final say. No wonder my daughter is becoming more and more unruly.
I regret it. I should let his father take the lead in the house as soon as possible to reconcile the relationship between my daughter and me.
The third error, does not support the daughter to make friends.
My daughter has no friends at school, for two reasons.
The first reason is that the relationship between me and my daughter is not good enough. The mother-daughter relationship is the basis of other relationships between my daughters. The consultant only understood it after explaining it, and it was too late to regret it.
The second reason is that I do not support my daughter to make friends. I always feel that making friends is a waste of time. It is better to spend more time studying.
The consultant said that it is not a trivial matter that the child has no friends at school.
First of all, if you encounter problems without the support of your peers, your ability to withstand pressure is naturally weak.
Secondly, if there are no friends in the school, the link with the school is weak. This is one of the reasons why children do not want to go to school.
The fourth error is that the relationship between mother and child is not managed well.I always regard the children's study and living habits as very important, ignoring the emotional interaction.
I am ashamed to think of it. The child is thirteen, and there are only a handful of days chatting with my daughter happily. No wonder my daughter hates me more than she loves. When my daughter was young, she always looked at my face no matter what she did.
My daughter has been at home for a year and a half. Because of school matters, I don’t know how many noisy times.
My daughter is actually more uncomfortable than me. She also tried to get into school, but she came back after she couldn't adapt.
Daughters often cry secretly on their own, and try to avoid them whether they are strangers or acquaintances. I can understand her. She feels ashamed that she didn't go to school, so she didn't want to see anyone. The child was so difficult.
I try not to get angry at my daughter, and try my best to talk to my daughter. If I can't help it, I will cry by myself.
My husband also realized his fault and gradually returned to the family. He was able to watch TV with his daughter. This was unique in the past.
Although our family of three are working hard, no one knows when we can go to school. Such a big girl, playing games and watching TV at home every day, is really sad!
If I can come back, I will love my daughter. The daughter has a good personality, self-confidence and sunshine, learning must not be a problem, everyone said yes?
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