These 4 kinds of Chinese manners are hurting our children. If you are among them, please stop immediately after reading this content.
Article 1: The big one must let the small one
I don't know when, in everyone's cognition, such a rule has appeared, that is: the big one must let the small one.
Whether in a family with a second child or when playing with children outside, the default rule in everyone's heart is that you are an elder sister or elder brother, and you must let your younger siblings.
I have a friend who has three children in the family. She is the eldest. When she was five years old, her younger sister was born. That boss.
With the pocket money that I worked hard to save, I finally bought my beloved headband. Just because I liked what my sister said, my mother forced her to give her the headband to my sister , and told her that if you are my sister, you should let it go. younger sister. Both
sisters like to eat chicken drumsticks, but my mother will put both drumsticks in my sister's bowl every time, and tell my sister: You are in puberty, eating too much meat, and gaining weight will not look good.
When she was 13 years old, her mother gave birth to a younger brother. Since then, she has become invisible at home. When she eats, drinks, and wears clothes, she must be close to her younger siblings first. It is because of him. She is an elder sister, so everything must be left to younger siblings.
The most sad thing for her is that in the year she was admitted to university, because her sister went to high school and her brother went to elementary school, the family expenses were too big to bear, so her mother said to her: You are sensible since you were a child, and now you are too When you’re old, why don’t you go out to work and earn money? gives the opportunity to go to school to your younger brother and sister . After all, girls are going to get married, so it’s useless to go to so many schools.
Later, it was a friend who knelt on the ground and begged for her mother to get the opportunity to go to college. Later, my friend worked hard and finally stayed in the city where he went to college.
Now she is married and has children, but she seldom goes home, and seldom contacts her younger siblings, and she is determined not to have a second child. The only reason is that she does not want her children to repeat the same mistakes she made in the past.
Modesty is indeed a virtue, but the parents are wrong. should not force children to be humble to .
Every child has the right to choose independently, and every child deserves to be respected by parents as an independent individual.
This kind of behavior of forcing children to be humble will only make the older ones become helpless, lose their sense of security and confidence, and make the younger ones become scheming and ignorant of gratitude.
If the child is willing to be humble, parents should encourage and affirm the child's behavior in a timely manner, but if the child is not willing to be humble, then please respect the child's choice, according to the child's age characteristics, in an orderly manner, so that the child can feel the sharing effect. Come for the fun.
Article 2: Say hello when you meet
This kind of requirement to say hello when you meet people, I was particularly disgusted when I was a child.
Every time my mother forced me to say hello to someone, I would silently complain in my heart: Why does ask me to say hello, I don’t even know if these people are good or not.
I even blame my mother for being so busy in my heart, why are you always so enthusiastic, maybe they are trying to pretend they didn't see us.
Only when I was forced to do anything, I reluctantly whispered hello to the other party.
As a result, my mother had to say in a tone of hatred that iron is not steel: Our children are a bit reckless and timid. and then turned around and said to me fiercely: , this kid is so rude!
This kind of Chinese-style politeness that makes adults have face does not know how many children have been hurt, forcing children to say hello, This kind of behavior seems to be teaching children to be polite, but in fact, it is destroying children's sense of security step by step , a sense of belonging and worth.
This kind of accusation and denial from parents will leave in the child's heart that I am not good, I am poor, and I am unworthy of the psychological shadow, making it difficult for the child to get out of the curse of inferiority for the rest of his life.
Article 3: Play it with your children, buy a new one for you next time
For many children, this sentence is the biggest lie, it is true for other children to play with it, but buy a new one next time Yes, but I don't know that it will be the year of the monkey and the month of the horse.
There are many parents who, in order to look good on their own face, will persuade their children to let them play for a while when children are fighting for toys. There are so many toys in your house, so don't snatch them from other children. You have to know how to share with others.
Sometimes there are children who come to the house as guests and take a fancy to their children's toys. Parents will generously give their children's toys to their children. Seeing their children cry so much, their mother will hug them While holding his child, he comforted and said: is ok, next time my mother will buy you a new one.
I don't know if you have said this to your child. If you are also disposing of your child's toys according to your own feelings and making some false promises to your child, recommends that you stop your behavior immediately from now on.
When other children have taken a fancy to their own children's toys, parents must not tell their children: you have to be generous, and you have to give them to children.
You should tell your child: is your own toy, you can make your own decisions, share or exchange, and mother respects your choice.
In this way, it will not hurt the child, but also cultivate the child's social skills.
Article 4: Excessive modesty
is full of losses, but modesty benefits.
Chinese people have always been self-effacing. When hearing praise from others, many people's first reaction is often to shirk.
There is a little girl in our community who is very spiritual. Not only does she have good grades in school, she dances very well, and she can play the piano well. Once, the little girl won an award in the class again. Everyone gathered around and praised, Your daughter is really good, everything is so good, I really envy you for having such a good child.
But the little girl's mother said: is so good, you don't know how stupid this child is, he can't even wash his socks, the desk is never tidy, it's as messy as a dog kennel, let her wash the dishes Well, I don't know how many I broke. . . .
Looking at the little girl again, the smile on her face gradually disappeared, and she silently lowered her tearful eyes.
Psychologist William James once said: "The deepest human need is the desire to be appreciated and admired by others."
I don't know what kind of mentality the girl's mother said when she said that. Maybe she felt that she couldn't be too high-profile, or she didn't want to make her child proud, or it was just because she was subjected to Influenced by traditional culture, do you think one should be humble?
It is understandable for parents to have such worries, but like a girl's mother, denying the girl's achievements and efforts, and instead complaining about the child's shortcomings and deficiencies, this approach can really help Realize the expectation that the child will not be too proud?
So what is the correct way to face praise from others?
The creamy mother recommends that everyone try and attribute the praise correctly.
For example: when the child has achieved good grades in the exam When the time comes, parents can say: Yes, this time the test is really good, mainly because the child has been working very hard recently. He has read the textbook over and over again, and he has also done the workbook. Seeing that the child has this grade, I will also replace it. He is happy.
This method can be said to kill three birds with one stone. It not only affirms the child's good grades, but also sees the child's hard work and dedication, without making others feel that you are a arrogant parent.
For the sake of face, many parents force Children use this kind of "Chinese politeness", but they don't know how much harm this behavior has brought to children.
If you have done similar behaviors before, I hope you can start by reading this content, Change your way of thinking and communication, and be a smart mother that children like.
I am a creamy mother, a family education instructor. If you like my content, remember to like and share, and follow me on the way to parenting. Let's grow together.
