A few days ago, I chatted with several mothers, and found that the children now have a lot of temper.
Tingting's mother said: I was playing a game with my child in the car that day, and the child lost, and then started to cry, slapped me in the face, and deformed my glasses. This is not the first time I have done it, and it is useless to reason.
I locked the car door, held her hand tightly, kept looking at her, and told her firmly that I would not allow her to do this. She cried more and more, all kinds of sophistry and all kinds of excuses.
I didn't care, until she cried and coughed, she apologized to me, said she knew she was wrong, and then scratched my hand with her nails while apologizing. I was in pain, but I didn't show it, I said it was useless for you, I didn't feel it.
In the end, she gave up completely and sincerely apologized to me.
At that time, she really wanted to slap her and slap it, but she didn't want to use violence to control violence, so she could only put pressure on her like this.Is there a better way?
Scenarios where children are in bad mood and lose their temper, almost every family has encountered:
Parents do not buy toys, children collapse and cry;
Parents prevent children from playing games for a long time, children are upset and crying;
Parents let children Children go to bed when they pack up their toys, and children cry when they are not happy;
Parents criticize their children for hitting other children, and children cry again;
Parents fail to play with their children in time when they are busy, and children cry again...
And when parents face a child who loses his temper , parents will get angry at their children in a conditioned reflex: "I reminded you a long time ago, but you still..."
But mothers, have you seriously thought about why children lose their temper?
At different ages, children have different reasons for tantrums.
year old loses his temper: I can't do it!
In the cognition of a 2-year-old baby, he is the center of the world.
htmlAfter the age of 12, they began to be keen on exploring and would repeat the process of exploration at home over and over again to build their own sense of space.
They are eager to do something, but when they want to do more than they are capable of, the brain produces stress hormones such as cortisol. It can generate anger in your baby's brain.
So, he was angry, angry with himself.
-year-old loses his temper: fear of change
-year-old's newly formed sense of security is very fragile.
On the one hand, they rely heavily on the laws they master, on the other hand, they want to control the environment.
shows the tantrums.
For example, asking for a piece of candy, or more snacks, unwilling to eat vegetables and fruits, asking for some kind of toys, etc.; when the needs are not met, first ignore whether it is a reasonable demand.
Children are very prone to angry and angry behavior. When this behavior can no longer attract the attention of parents, the child will escalate to smashing items. The more parents value something, the child will smash anything until the parent responds.
So the child's trouble may be because he feels the lack of love and sends out a distress signal.
-year-olds lose their temper: fighting for more power
-year-olds lose their temper because they want more power.
For example: During class, the teacher asked the students to raise their hands to answer the question, and she also raised her hand. If the teacher did not point to her, she would be angry.
During lunch, the teacher invited the children to pick up meals. She applied. If the teacher did not invite her every day, she would also be angry.
-year-old child loses his temper: wants to do everything well
He is desperate for attention and wants to do everything well.
At this stage, there are two main reasons for him to lose his temper: it is hard to study, or he does something wrong.
Because I am too anxious to do it well, once I encounter setbacks in learning, it is easy to lose my temper.
In summary, children lose their temper mainly because from a psychological point of view, children think that they are a complete and flawless person, so they cannot accept their own mistakes, and they may pass the mistakes on to others (not admitting) , or take out your emotions on others.
What should parents do when their children lose their temper
According to the reasons for children's tantrums at different ages, different coping methods are adopted: Sometimes children are young and ignorant. Failure to solve the problem may aggravate the problem; how to be independent, and to make mistakes, you need to tell him clearly to avoid making bigger mistakes.
. Help the child figure out where his temper comes from.
A mother told me that the child has been very temperamental recently, crying and stomping. When I chatted with the child, the child said this: I don't know why I lost my temper, but I don't want to lose my temper, I don't want to make my mother angry.
Then follow the child's train of thought and figure out the reason for the child's tantrum: I don't want to make my mother angry, but I am even more anxious when I see that my mother is already angry.
Taking the child to review the process of losing his temper has already injected rational thinking into his emotions, which can play a role in self-reflection. Parents not only express listening, but children can also feel their parents’ attention to themselves. More importantly, children’s descriptions are also a process of venting.
. Help children resolve their emotions and face mistakes
When children feel "dangerous", they will pay too much attention to themselves, so they will not be able to pay attention to the mistakes themselves. When the "threat" of children is lifted, they will not pay too much attention to themselves, and will turn to attention error itself.
urge children to make corrections, and praise their courage to face mistakes, especially for some difficult mistakes, they should be encouraged in time.
Whether it is right or wrong for a child to lose his temper, it is never wrong for a parent to show understanding and sympathy. Children feel that they are understood, and they know their emotions, and all mistakes can be easily admitted (the weakness of human nature).
In contrast, if the parent's first reaction or first opening is to deny the child's emotions, it will often cause the child to resist subconsciously.
. Teach children to control their emotions
After the children's bad emotions are understood by their parents, the children will be much more satisfied.
The next step for parents is to teach their children the right way to manage their emotions.Bad emotions are often destructive, not only putting the child in a bad psychological situation, hindering the child's motivation to do things, but also affecting the child's interpersonal communication.
DAP has something to say
When kids make mistakes, see it as an opportunity, not a hassle: it’s okay to make mistakes, and they can make up for it without suffering or humiliation; kids learn, too, They take responsibility for their actions and others do not bear the consequences for them; they can also learn to choose where different activities are appropriate, which is also a social skill and courtesy.
When your child makes a mistake and loses his temper, please listen to it as a signal for help, not an attack.
Finally, I would like to remind parents that as parents, we should pay more attention to every detail and problem in the development of our children, find out the cause of this problem, and then prescribe the right medicine to help the baby grow up healthily!
