Li Ling was born in a remote and backward countryside, and her parents gave birth to five children in total. As the second child, she not only took on the burden of taking care of her younger siblings and sharing housework early, but she also often did not receive the attention a

　　Li Ling was born in a remote and backward countryside, and her parents gave birth to five children in total. As the second child, she not only took on the burden of taking care of her younger siblings and sharing housework early, but she also often did not receive the attention and attention of her parents.

　　In Li Ling's eyes, her parents went out early and returned late every day, and there were only a few acres of farmland in her eyes. Their conversations when they returned home were also related to crops, and they seemed to care little about living the lives of a few children. After going to school, parents never ask about their studies, whether they have completed their homework or how many points they have scored.

　　 In Li Ling's eyes, her parents were unqualified. Fortunately, Li Ling and the others are very successful. Some have been admitted to university with their own efforts, while others have learned their skills and are doing well. Li Ling believes that if parents can spend more time on a few children, they should be able to live a better life.

　　Li Ling had her first child after getting married. Unlike her parents, she treated her children very carefully. No matter how tired she is at work, she will give her children some company every day. She has formulated a set of guidelines for her child’s work, rest, diet, and behavioral habits and requires her child to strictly implement them.

　　She believes that her way of parenting is very scientific. When the child resists, she will move with emotion, reason with reason, and use both soft and hard until the child obeys. Throughout primary school, the child performed very well, not only with excellent grades, but also with obedient and sensible. Li Ling is quite proud. She believes that all this is exchanged for her own efforts.

　　However, when she arrived in junior high school, her child began to have problems, she was tired of studying, skipped classes, and played games, and her grades fell even more seriously. Li Ling was very worried that she was more concerned about her children. She had a job suspension at the company and stayed with her children wholeheartedly.

　　She rented a house near the school and thought about ways to make nutritious meals for her children every day. She also specially hired several tutoring teachers for her children and provided one-on-one tutoring to her. However, the child's grades always go ups and downs and can no longer return to his original level. What's worse is that the child is becoming more and more rebellious and unreasonable. The child is not only unhappy with Li Ling's efforts, but also always doesn't appreciate it, saying that she is meddling in other people's business.

　　Li Ling was both angry and wronged. She loved her children so much and gave so much to them. Not only did the child not develop in the direction she hoped, the situation was getting worse and worse. She didn't know what was wrong, and the child's performance hit her very much. She couldn't eat well and couldn't sleep well. She was tired and unhappy every day. She felt that she was going to be depressed.

　　After a friend's introduction, she went for psychological counseling. After listening to her story, the psychological counselor told her that the problem was not the child, but Li Ling. Li Ling really wanted to be a good mother. When a child is young, the meticulous care and care of adults can indeed give the child a full sense of security and can also help the child avoid many detours.

　　But as children grow up, their awareness of autonomy becomes stronger and stronger. They need space and opportunities for trial and error. Too much help and demands from adults will become their burden. Li Ling has always focused on becoming a "good mother", but she ignored the child's growth rules and what the child really needs.

　　 What children need in the process of growing up is not a parent who cares about them at all times, but a leader and companion who can advance whenever they should and retreat whenever they should go.

Everyone wants to be a good parent, but don’t turn being a good parent into an obsession, otherwise it will backfire.

　　This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio". You are welcome to follow, like and comment. The article is not reproduced.