often see reports about children doing stupid things because of psychological problems. Whenever this happens, I feel very sad. It is also at this time that I always think about the past inadvertently.
Actually, I don’t want to recall my student days at all. I started elementary school in 1985 and graduated from junior college in 1997. This has experienced three student careers, including elementary school, junior high school, and technical secondary school. Each student career has left me with painful memories. The past is unbearable to look back on, like scars, which hurts once you reveal it.
11 The countryside in 1985 was still very backward. The village did not have decent learning. Two teaching points were set up. Children who were in the third grade were at one teaching point and those above the third grade were at another. The teaching point in grade 3 or above is considered a real village primary school. There are several decent tiled houses as classrooms, while the other teaching point is actually several dilapidated tiled houses. I don’t know what they were used for before, so it was temporarily changed into a classroom. When you are in the third grade, you can transfer to a formal teaching point. I remember when I was in the second grade, because the house was too dilapidated and was a dilapidated house, we moved to a dilapidated factory to attend classes. The factory was used to make brown sugar before the land reform in the village. There were about a dozen children in several grades, and they all got together to attend classes.
If you want to say these difficult conditions are nothing. At that time, I was very afraid of going to school. I had to pass through the neighboring village when my family went to school. There would be gangsters from the neighboring village on the road. They would bully you on the road, threaten you for money, and beat you. Fortunately, a good friend from my brother's neighboring village stood up later to protect me and prevent me from being bullied.
There is only one teacher in the school, and he teaches mathematics and Chinese. He loves drinking and is famous in the village. He trembles his hands when writing in class. When he was studying for us, his hands were trembling when he held the textbook. At that time, he didn't know that this was a symptom of alcoholism. Everyone in the village laughed. What kind of students can this teacher teach? And what the villagers unexpectedly disgusted is the teacher's vulgarity and the obsceneness of the children. I don’t know if the teacher was confused when drinking every day or was intentional. Every day in class, he sat on the podium to read the text. The zipper of his pants was open, revealing the red underwear inside. This is a common thing.
What is even more infuriating is that at that time, the nap was sleeping on our desks. The small desk carried our small bodies. We lay down obediently and didn't dare to move around, and we might fall off when we move. The teacher would stretch out his hand to touch the girl's body countless times during lunch break, and put his lower body into the child's hands. At that time, I would deliberately not sleep, and I would deliberately move, so that the teacher would think I was not asleep and would not touch me. At that time, we didn't know that such behavior was serious, and no one told us. This situation has continued for several years. Later we moved to the teaching center in the village and the situation improved. But this experience makes me feel disgusted every time I think about it.
My inferiority complex probably started from that time. I don’t like to talk, I don’t like to communicate with others, and I’m afraid of meeting people. Before the 6th grade of elementary school, my test scores were never higher than 80 points, and I couldn’t write my compositions. When it was 6th grade, we combined the same class with another class in the 6th grade. At that time, I was very glad that the new head teacher, Mr. Huang, gave me great encouragement. He gave me humorous lectures and encouraged me to raise my hand to answer questions in class. He asked me to write a diary every day,
, and then showed it to him, and then gave it to me every day to modify it. After giving me a semester this, my grades gradually improved, my composition improved, and my situation improved. I have always been thinking about this teacher, and this is the best teacher I have ever met in my career.
During the junior exam, I was admitted to the town middle school. I am very grateful to Teacher Huang. If it weren't for his rescue, I think I wouldn't have been admitted to the middle school. I heard that our class was the most admitted to junior high school in our primary school in history, and it was all brought by Teacher Huang.
Junior high school was studied in the town. After junior high school, I lived in the school. The town is about 10 kilometers away from home, and there are two roads that lead to the school. A big road can be opened to traffic. Although it can be opened to traffic, the cars at that time were just bicycles at home, and there were only a handful of them who could have bicycles. The other is the mountain road. Every weekend I have to walk the mountain road home and get a week's living expenses with my parents, as well as rice and vegetables. In that case, rice and vegetables are brought from home. I buy an aluminum lunch box myself, put the rice and vegetables in the lunch box myself, and steam it in the canteen every day. Every day, the dormitory student is sent to the canteen and brought back. At that time, I usually used soybeans and dried vegetables, and occasionally there was bacon. The days with bacon were the spring semester after the Spring Festival.
The life in junior high school makes me feel fresh. The courses also increased all of a sudden. When I was slowly adapting to junior high school life, I slowly discovered that the children from our village were so different from those on the street. This deepened my inferiority complex. We wore in inappropriate clothes. I remember that my summer clothes were the same as those in autumn. The clothes for the two seasons were two autumn clothes. In summer, I rolled up my sleeves, and there was only a thin quilt in winter. Every winter night, it was so cold that I couldn't sleep.
A classmate with good family conditions will have a natural sense of superiority, and one thing that makes me feel shame is that once a classmate said that I stole the snacks she brought to school. At that time, I didn’t know what snacks were. I swear I’ve never seen them before and never took them, but she refused to let them go. Later, I asked me to kneel down to her and swear that if I took them, I would do whatever I would do! It's better that the other party will give up!
So I secretly decided in my heart to study hard! You must study hard! Be sure to be proud!
At that time, there was no tap water in the school. We had to walk more than ten minutes to the water we used. We went to the river to pick it up ourselves. After self-study in the evening, we lit the kerosene lamp and went to the river to pick up the water. Those with flashlights were considered advanced. The road to the river is along the school wall and then through a few rice fields. In fact, it is necessary to go around a few ridges. We can drive on the ridges. Some people walk quickly, some people walk slowly, and some people carry it together with win-win cooperation. It is the worst when it rains and cold rainy nights, because there are very few umbrellas at that time. I often have to fetch water in the rain.
At that time, there was no bath room. I went to the river to take a bath. No matter spring, summer, autumn and winter, when we were in the third year of junior high school, we almost had to make up classes on weekends and didn’t go home. We took a bath at the river to take a bath. Only when we went home could we wash hot water. I remember that every time I do preheating on the shore for a long time, then take off my coat, jump into the cold water, then get up and apply soap, rub it symbolically, then jump into the water, and then jump to the shore immediately, wipe it dry, put on clothes, and take a bath. The whole process of taking a bath is probably no more than 3 minutes!
The hardships in life are actually nothing. The terrible thing is that there are often bad guys on the street going to the dormitory and classroom, and when the teacher is away, they blackmail everyone for money to ask for meal tickets. Every time we were trembling and dared not move because those people were holding knives and several people often came together. Later, someone reported to the teacher and the situation improved. But every night, we hear the sound of stones smashing on the tiled house in the dormitory, and someone throws things to the roof. Every time we hear such a sound, we raise our hearts to our throats and quickly check whether the dormitory door is locked.
A heartbreaking thing finally happened. A male classmate in the class was stabbed to death in a ditch not far outside the school one night, and was not discovered until the next day. We are all silent and study and live carefully every day.
After three years of hard life, I ushered in the high school entrance examination. When I learned that the results had been announced, I planted rice seedlings in the fields. When I walked to the school on the mountain road and asked about my grades, the teacher told me that I was admitted to the technical secondary school, but I was not admitted. Later, my father went to school through a friend and the principal said shamelessly and bluntly that my file had been replaced and I failed the exam!
I think the sky is falling! Isn’t I studying hard for a few years just to leave the countryside and go to a wider place? Now this dream is shattered!
At that time, a few of us sisters were studying and our brother was studying. The family was actually very difficult. My father went out to work all year round and was responsible for design or construction. His income was good, but for some other reasons, my father only received a part of his salary. This was what my father told me later that although my father had an engineer certificate, he was actually relatively decent when working outside. He was responsible for design and sometimes he was responsible for construction. But to put it bluntly, my father was just a migrant worker, and it was common for him to get the salary.
Looking at the situation at home, I told my father, I will go to Guangdong to work. My father made the decision to change my life and asked me to repeat the school, but he did not agree with me going to work too early. Because of this, my father was criticized by more people in the village, thinking that I, a girl, don’t have to read so many books and can come back to work and help my family. But my father had his own idea and felt that girls could not do cool work, so they must study hard and receive education, so that they would have a better way out in the future.
So my father and his friend went to the school to ask the principal to repeat the school, and I started a year of repeating the school. The year of repeating the study was the darkest period of my life. From the day I repeated the exam, I felt a mountain in my heart. I must pass the exam and get good grades, not only to repay my parents, but also to get out of the mountains.
I started to suffer from insomnia, and it became more and more serious, and I couldn't sleep all night. Later, my father took me to see a doctor. The doctor said he was suffering from neurasthenia and prescribed medicine. After a while, he returned to his original state. In order to sleep and to be able to study, I often visited the outpatient clinic outside the school and bought sleeping pills. The doctor would give me 2 pills each time. The time I repeated the school, and I persisted with sleeping pills. My brain is swelling like a paste, and I don’t have time to wake up. I kept practicing the questions every day, and when I saw each question, I could tell the answer with a glance. During the 3 days of the second high school entrance examination, I never finished the exam. I applied the stylus essence to temple to refresh myself. In this way, I survived that period of time. At that time, I once made a vicious oath that I would not study or take the exam in my next life!
My grades were more than 30 points higher than the secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical secondary technical as I wished. When he went to get the notice, the principal said he would pay 300 yuan, and each student who passed the exam would have to pay 300 yuan. The principal said he went to the school he contacted. Later, I went to help me take it out through the school’s calligraphy teacher, a friend of my father. Later I heard that the principal was investigated, and later I heard that the problem was very deep.
has finally graduated. I let out a breath, but insomnia followed like a demon, and since then I have followed me. It has been lingering for decades, like a bottomless pit, swallowing me little by little. At that time, my biggest dream was to have a good sleep. Over the years, I have sought medical treatment everywhere, and I will definitely go to the hospital to report when I go to a place, but it has not improved. In countless insomnia nights, I think of suicide, thought of cutting my wrists, and jumping off the building. But every time, I think of my parents, brothers and sisters, I give up. This situation ranges from technical secondary school to work, to marriage, to having children. . . The best youth in my life were all worn out one by one under insomnia.
Depression has seriously affected my life, my work, and my life.In life, I am inferior, not good at communicating with others, and do not actively communicate with others. Things are always stuck in my heart, and I often feel that it is my fault. I spent every day in the midst of gains and losses, getting married and having children did not change my condition, and it became worse when I was in the middle of the month. I fantasized about what would happen if I jumped downstairs? Looking at the hungry child, I restrain myself again and again. I yelled roughly at my husband and children, and kept complaining, complaining, and accusing me, and the family became a mess.
value Later, I came into contact with traditional Chinese medicine, learned the basic knowledge of traditional Chinese medicine, learned meridians, learned scraping , massage, insisted on practicing 8-section brocade , standing stance , meditated, read classics, and let myself feel at ease. Finally, I slowly adjusted and could have a good night's sleep!
Looking back at the past, I feel very moved. Once at a junior high school class reunion, a male classmate said, "You have changed a lot. At that time, you always lower your head and hurriedly walk past the campus." Actually, I don’t like to attend class reunions, but I don’t want to face the past.
Going through hardships, now,
I finally learned to let go, and reconcile with myself and the past in every simple day. For the sake of my family and children, I must love myself well and work hard to change. Yijing told me that I must learn to adapt and learn to adapt to the environment and change myself.
It is said that there is no way to go in life, every step counts, and every section is wealth. We can use suffering as a stepping stone to reach the height we think of.
May the rest of your life be happy! I hope that in addition to paying attention to their children’s grades, parents should pay more attention to their physical and mental health. A healthy body and mind are more important than good grades, what do you think?
I would like to use this article to commemorate my past youth years! If more people can pay attention to the child's mental health, then it will not hurt even if you reveal your scars. May everyone have a good life and everyone have good memories!
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