Because of the busy working hours on weekdays, the day of writing the recovery report has been postponed again and again. From November 2021, I waited until the Spring Festival holiday today. I am now free, and I finally calmed down. Today is the traditional festival of our Chinese nation, the Spring Festival, the first day of the first lunar month. In the new year, everything will be renewed. I hope to abandon all the demons and worries of the past and welcome a beautiful and happy life. With the arrival of the footsteps of the Year of the Tiger, my story begins.
Let me first introduce some basic information about myself. I was born in a relatively backward rural family. The eldest child in the family has a younger sister. My parents are both farmers. I can only remember very few things from my childhood (before the age of 8). Later, when I grew up, I learned from relatives and neighbors that my father passed away very suddenly due to a strange illness when I was three years old. Because there was no labor at home, my mother could not bear the burden of the family's life, so she took her sister and remarried someone else about a year after my father's death.
I grew up with my grandma. After enduring the pain of losing her son, my grandma always regarded me as the hope of the family, so she doted on me as her grandson. When I was a child, I lived a carefree life without any worries. When I was 8 years old, I remember that it was a late autumn day. Suddenly one day my grandma was covered with straw by my uncle and aunts and she slept in the main room of the house. I didn’t realize that anything bad had happened. It was only when my grandma was about to die that my uncle asked me and my cousin to come to grandma. Grandma took my and my cousin’s hands and looked at us reluctantly, but couldn’t say a word.
After my grandma passed away, I lived with my uncle and my cousin’s family. My uncle’s family didn’t treat me like an outsider, so they still had enough to eat and clothes to wear. Moreover, I was not allowed to do any work such as household chores. It can be said that my life in primary school was very happy for me, and I was very healthy and optimistic mentally. Especially when I was in the sixth grade of primary school, I was the health committee member of the class. I was very prestigious in the class. My classmates had to listen to me for fear of offending me. This made me not feel that there was any difference between myself and other classmates in terms of family.
Picture source network, unrelated to the article
This kind of life was not broken until I started to enroll in junior high school on September 1st after I graduated from elementary school. Because of economic poverty and my family’s special circumstances, my uncle took me to the village committee leaders and the leaders of the town’s education department to seek exemptions from tuition and miscellaneous fees. Then I went to the school to find the class teacher to submit a letter of introduction. After a day of effort, half of the exemption was reduced and the uncle had to pay half. For the first time in my life, I felt as if I had lost face.
went to middle school and lived on campus, only going home on Saturdays and Sundays. After the first week of school, I returned home full of joy. Before I could share my new and different school life with my family, my uncle asked me to herd the cows. After herding the cows and having lunch, he asked me to do farm work. My uncle was a very kind-hearted but temperamental person. He is also a very irritable person. Since I have basically never done any farm work since I was a child, when I go to the farm and cannot do anything well, my uncle has no patience. He loses his temper and scolds me and tells me to get out. This is also the first time I have experienced a different side of my uncle, and it really makes me feel a little scared in my heart. Fortunately, my aunt has a pretty good temper, and I tell her basically everything I need to say. In the next year, basically every time I came home from school, there was a housework for me to do, but I couldn't do it well every time, which always made my uncle angry and angry. Sometimes he would beat me and say I was too stupid.
When I was in the second grade of junior high school, my aunt opened a small store in the city. In order to improve her life, my aunt took my cousin to the city to help my aunt with the business, leaving my uncle to farm at home. Gradually, I found that every time I came home from school, I didn’t dare to have sex with my uncle. I feel inexplicably nervous when I'm alone. At the same time, I also feel that my hands-on ability is particularly poor and I can't do anything well. I try to pick simple things to do when my uncle asks me to do them. For difficult things, I let him scold me a few times and then stop letting me do it. Later, going home was a psychological burden for me. I was very tired of going home every weekend. I watched my classmates go home happily and see their parents preparing delicious meals, but I didn't. . . . . .
The third year of junior high school will be divided into fast and slow classes based on the final exam scores in the second semester of the second year of junior high school. Due to a series of reasons, they did not do well in the exam and were assigned to the slow class. In layman's terms, the slow class is composed of students with poor grades. I was in the third grade of junior high school, and my grades started to get worse. My uncle knew that I was in the slow class and he was very disappointed with me. I remember one weekend when I came home, my uncle asked me to pick pumpkins in the vegetable field. I picked an old pumpkin. My uncle was very angry about this and beat and scolded me. After lunch, I shed tears and said with great grievance that I had to go to school. I even thought about never coming back to this home again.
After that, I would go to relatives' houses every weekend unless I had to. Later, because I didn't go home to ask for living expenses from my uncle, I started to steal my classmates' meal stamps. Sometimes I felt bad, but I had to do it in order to keep myself safe. Gradually, I developed some bad habits of stealing. I took some things from my favorite classmates. Maybe it was because I was timid. Every time I did such a bad thing, I would feel guilty and tell myself not to do it again.
Picture source network, unrelated to the article
It is true that if you do bad things, you will get bad retribution. Once I took the key to the school dormitory (which I assigned myself) and was about to open the door and go in to change my shoes. The director of the Political and Education Department happened to see him and mistook him. Because I was going in to steal something, I was taken to the office for interrogation and told that if I didn’t tell the truth, I would be sent to the police station. In fact, I really didn’t go in to steal something this time. This was a coincidence, because in order to enter the dormitory to change shoes easily, several of my classmates were given door keys, but those who knew didn’t. Many, but this time I was unlucky enough to be caught, and I had indeed engaged in such petty theft before. So under the psychological attack and intimidation from the leaders of the Political and Education Department, I quickly explained everything I had done in the past six months. The school asked me to write a book They asked me to go home and find my parents for a self-examination and a letter of guarantee. How could I dare to go home and find my uncle after something like this happened? So I had no choice but to find my uncle who was a cadre in the village (my father’s cousin) and went to school. The teacher told my uncle about my situation and asked him to strengthen my education. I continued to study in class.
originally thought that this matter would just go away, until suddenly one day, the school sent out a request for opinions on my disciplinary action. The content was roughly about my affairs. A report was made to all classes in the school, and each class was asked to come up with a disciplinary opinion. This announcement was a catastrophic news that came as a bolt from the blue to me. It made me lose face. I will never be able to hold my head high in front of others in the future. Everything happened so suddenly. We had promised that in view of my special family situation, the matter would be kept secret for me as long as I told the truth honestly, but now it has developed to such a bad result. This was undoubtedly a traumatic injury to the mind of a child who was only 14 years old at the time, and it also laid the foundation for my subsequent neurosis.
After the incident happened, I sat in my seat in silence with my head down for several days, and even cried for several days. I didn’t want to leave the classroom and was too embarrassed to leave the classroom. I just felt so embarrassed in my heart, and secretly swore in my heart that no matter how poor or miserable I lived in this life, I would never do anything like stealing, even if I starved to death.After waiting for several days, I didn't see any movement from the school. My classmates didn't make fun of me, so I calmed down. Fortunately, at this time, a few classmates who played well came over to comfort me and help me with some living expenses. It just happened to be that there was still more than a month left before the high school entrance examination. As time went by, I slowly focused on studying. (Unfinished)
Note: The case has obtained the written consent of the consultant and is willing to publish it publicly. In order to protect the privacy of the case, professional ethical and technical processing has been done.
