A parent asked me: Teacher Yuner, the child is unwilling to go to school after being diagnosed with depression . Should he let the child go to school? Or don't let him go to school? Some children are also diagnosed with bipolar disorder . The school teacher advises the children to take a leave of absence. Should they go to school? There is even more serious one. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia . The school asked parents to go through the school leave procedures. Can the child return to school smoothly after taking a year off?
Should I go to school? Should I take a break from school? This is a matter that bothers many parents and children, and even psychological counselors. This is also a paradox: not going to school can avoid various problems in school. Will you recover from your psychology? However, his studies have become even more unfamiliar with his classmates and teachers, and his social functions have become more unwilling to go to school. He doesn't go to school, and he doesn't have self-control. He doesn't study at home, so he slept until 12 o'clock or even 3 o'clock in the afternoon. When he got energetic at night, he either played games, watched videos, or chatted with some netizens. The end result is that I am even more reluctant to go to school.
Teacher Yuner
In reality, he does not interact with classmates and teachers, and has a stronger sense of distance between him and his classmates and teachers. He gradually feels that he is not from the same world as others. He hopes that others will understand and care about him, but he will not participate in collective study and life at all. How can others understand him?
There is also, because the child does not go to school and the black and white at home is inverted, the parents are anxious and uneasy. If they say a few words, the children will make a big fuss with the parents, resulting in tension in the parent-child relationship.
In the end, not going to school not only did not make the child mentally healthy, but instead led to more serious psychological problems. This is why many children start not going to school and end up being unable to go to school.
So, do I not support asking for leave for my child or oppose taking leave for my child? No, this requires specific analysis of specific issues. Some situations require a leave of absence, but some do not need to take a leave of absence. Let’s analyze it in detail below.
For the sake of convenience, I will collectively call children who are unwilling to go to school children with "rejection disorder".
I will not discuss here whether the causes of children's refusal to study are depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety, personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and other issues.
teacher Yuner
I have also talked about it many times before. There are several reasons why children are unwilling to go to school. Today we will analyze whether children with school refusal caused by study should go to school.
First of all, we need to know why the child refuses to learn.
's academic performance has declined, I can't understand the class, can't complete my homework, and can't face my current situation. This is the most important factor for children with school refusal, accounting for about 80% of the total number of patients with school refusal. This part of the children is mainly children in the first and second grades of high school. Children in this stage of school account for almost 60% of children with school refusal, followed by junior high school students, senior high school students, college students, and a small number of primary and graduate students.
In fact, the decline in grades is a common phenomenon. If you advance to junior high school, if you do not adapt to the junior high school courses, it is inevitable that your grades will decline. After junior high school and high school, many children still want to improve their grades through rote memorization, which obviously doesn't work.
Let me talk about the problems of junior high school teachers here.
Many junior high school teachers force students to memorize "Story, Geography, Politics, Chinese, English" by rote, so that students can easily achieve high grades, taking up a lot of time for their children. Students will also be unable to calm down and think about math knowledge because they can quickly see their grades through rote memorization. Including chemistry and physics in junior high school, it also memorizes phenomena and theorems by rote. This leads to many children not calm down and think about the essence behind the phenomenon and the pleasure of exploring knowledge out of utilitarianism. One by one, the chickens that are ripe with hormones have no resistance at all. They are just a glamorous appearance and an empty heart. They will basically be killed when they encounter a little cold.
Teacher Yuner
After entering high school, some children still learn by rote memory, which is simply unable to adapt to high school courses.
High school knowledge, especially science courses, is nothing more than understanding and memory of concepts, definitions, theorems, rules, and formulas. However, there are only some phenomena and principles for physics and chemistry, which are all classic knowledge. If you don’t understand the essence of it, it will be like listening to a heavenly book. For example: I didn't understand the relationship between the matrix and the system of equations in linear algebra , as well as the transformation of the determinant and the relationship between the matrix of determinant , and basically I can't learn it later.
There are also many college students who are unable to face their grades, even fail the subject, or become resistant to the major they are studying, and feel that they cannot realize their ideals, thus becoming desperate and even having a tendency to commit suicide.
To be honest, a lot of the knowledge we learn in middle school and university is actually a burden to people. If you are not engaged in professional research in the future, this knowledge is of no use at all. If you take these achievements too seriously, it will be in great pain. When I was in school, I also learned football, calligraphy, , Chinese painting, , but it was just a credit at that time, and it was useless. I also learned probability theory and mathematical statistics, econometric , microeconomics, macroeconomics, computer language, real variable function , mathematical analysis, advanced algebra , analytical geometry, linear planning , pattern recognition, matrix theory, multivariate statistics, and operation research , game theory. I felt that it was high-end at the time. Decades have passed, and these courses have not been used once in my work and life. Because most people go to college just to find a job, it’s OK to get a diploma if they don’t fail the course. As for work, as long as you are not engaged in a professional job, you can learn and sell it as soon as possible. Especially for those who are determined to take the civil service exam and professional exams, your major is good at learning badly and badly, and it will not affect your future work and life.
Think about it carefully: Why bother to make things difficult for yourself and not be able to get along with yourself? Why can’t you forgive yourself and reach a reconciliation with yourself? Why do you have to compare with others? As the saying goes: Better than the top, you can be more than the bottom, and you can always be content. Of course, since there was a psychological problem, these words could not be heard in his ears.
teacher Yuner
Second, you need to know how far a child’s psychological problems have reached.
Let’s talk about what situations require taking leave and what situations require taking a break from school.
If you can explain the above principles to your children, not keep a close eye on your academic performance, and let yourself live a muddle-by-step life, then it is also allowed for your children to take a few days off to rest, because these children are seriously mentally traumatized and exhaust themselves every day. It is not easy to be able to persist for one or two weeks. Don’t think that other children go to school happily every day, why can’t you go? You should know that their minds are not 100% on learning. They are all dedicated to learning. They are not only studying, but also pay attention to others every day to see me. Isn't what I did wrong? Other people's expressions, tone, and actions are the focus of his attention. He puts so much thought into "How do I become a perfect image in the eyes of others", "How do I make others envy me", "What should I do if I am not beautiful", "How do I have money" and so on. You said, is he tired?
If he can tolerate the pressure, or if he can persist in going to school through taking medicine, then encourage him to go to school. Even if you take a few days off, parents should not pay too much attention.
Some parents will say: Will taking a few days off and not delay your study?
Here comes a question: Do you care about your child’s mental health or your academic performance? If a child becomes mentally strong, his academic performance will not affect his life. If he is mentally unhealthy, no matter how good his grades are, they will not bring him happiness, because the human heart is insufficient, and he will eventually become depressed and in pain because he cannot achieve his life goals.
If the child cannot improve his mood, including taking medicine, and even has suicidal thoughts and behaviors, he or she must go to school to avoid tragedy.
Some parents are worried: Can they return to school smoothly after taking a break?
In fact, what does this worry mean? This means that parents do not take their children's psychological problems as important as that! Parents really need to calm down and reflect on a question: The lives of children are important? Or is it important for children's learning?
Every year, many children are on the verge of dead ends due to mental illness and pay the price of their lives. From a person’s life, what is more important than mental health? No! He (she) may not go to school or work, but he cannot be without a healthy life, including a healthy psychology.
Every time I receive consultation from a family, I will be subjected to a strong impact. A child who was once so outstanding, so proud, and so envious, all thinks that he (she) will have a bright future. Why do I suffer from mental illness? Even on a dead end! Why can't he be so smart that he can't make this bend? In fact, this is all because we ignore a serious problem: our education cultivates a twisted soul under a glamorous appearance.
Therefore, it is more important to cultivate children's healthy psychology and good interests from an early age, establish a correct outlook on life and values, exercise children's psychological endurance, and cultivate children's strong perseverance from childhood.
Because there are too many people who send me private messages every day, I can’t make everyone reply in detail. You must learn to send me private messages.
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, that’s all for today’s talk. I am Yuner. Welcome to continue watching "Everyone must understand some psychology". Thank you for your trust and support in Teacher Yuner. Don't forget to like it! goodbye.
