There is a saying that goes, "At the age of three, and aged seven." At first glance, I think this statement seems too exaggerated. At the age of seven, has his life fate been decided? Can we know what will happen to him when he is old? So on the surface this seems to make no sense, but in fact it makes sense, and the two ages of three and seven are indeed an important time point.
Based on my own observations and research in psychological counseling, I found that this is actually the case. That is to say, when a child is born, he will have his own basic wish, which is, it seems that he pursues something, and then when he is born and enters a family, he will be affected by the family, whether good or bad.
He will have a basic feeling, and he thinks that this parents are good to me, but it is not good. Because for very young children, parents are the whole world. So he will develop a value in his basic deep subconscious layer, thinking that the world is good or bad. Then he will instinctively use his own methods to deal with this external environment, so that he will form his most basic personality.
If we regard personality as a building, it is like shaping a basic embryo of its building, just like the most basic foundation of building a house, that's it. Then, although there were all kinds of things and changes in life later. But in most cases, the embryo of this most basic personality will not be changed. Because he will look at all kinds of things based on this.
If he felt that the whole world was bad when he was very young, then even if the environment around him improved later, he would look at the world with a very negative, pessimistic and hostile attitude. Then his approach would cause the world around him to gradually become bad.
The same goes for the other way around. If this person is particularly optimistic, sincerely optimistic, deep in his heart, he feels that the people around him are good. Then even if he meets some people who are not so good in the future, because of his kindness to others, the people around him may be better to him than to others.
So in fact, His basic personality traits have been formed at the age of three. Of course, what has just formed is not so stable, and there will be several years of attempts and changes. But after three or four years old, he was about seven years old, basically his most core values and basic personality have stabilized.
Then he will have some changes in personality, behavior, and habits. Of course, there are these things, and the environment in the future will also affect him. But that is not a decisive thing. It seems that it will only affect some details and rarely make him undergo a complete change.
So for most of us, really three years old is enough to know what kind of person he is when he grows up, and seven years old is enough to know what kind of person he is likely to be in his life.
Of course, everything is not absolute.
If he encounters something particularly big after he grows up, or meets a very good psychological counselor, or he suddenly has a particularly transcendent understanding, then of course he will change. What we are talking about is that when ordinary people don’t encounter such a special situation, it is true that they are older at the age of three and older at the age of seven.
(Author: Zhu Jianjun, official account: Neiming Online School)
