Summer vacation is here, and a harmonious parent-child relationship is on the agenda again. Especially parents of adolescent children must be cautious in their words and deeds to strive for an unforgettable and meaningful holiday with their children. The source of
harmony is that you know that I understand you, you know that I love you, and you also know that doing so is good for each other. The two reach a consensus on the basis of mutual respect and trust.
To achieve this, parents must have a reserve of psychological knowledge, be able to understand the reasons and demands behind every behavior of their children, and be able to understand what their children really want to express behind their rebellion. "Zimbardo's General Psychology" edited by
Zimbardo, Johnson, , McCann and others is a highly comprehensive psychological work.
It is a 16-karat thick book with more than 700 pages. To be honest, I was shocked when I first got it. I thought it would take a long time to finish reading such a thick book. Unexpectedly, it reads very smoothly, and the content of each chapter is also very clear. You can choose what you need to read first.
, a work compiled by 14 psychologists, interprets psychological phenomena and psychological problems from different fields of psychology, helping everyone who is facing confusion to clear up the fog. Philip Zimbardo, one of the authors of
, is a professor of and at Stanford University. He has nearly 50 years of teaching experience in psychology. He is passionate about teaching and social service activities. He conducts research and publishes articles on various topics. He has published more than 400 professional papers and articles of various types, and published more than 50 kinds of books.
Under the guidance of authority, we can not only see clearly our own psychology, but also the psychology of others, making conversations between people more simple and harmonious.
Take family education as an example. Every parent hopes that his son will become a dragon and his daughter will become a phoenix. However, without understanding the growth and development characteristics of the child, excessive force will only encourage the child to grow. The book
provides a comparison table of the social and psychological development stages of Erikson's study. Parents can use the reference provided in this table to guide their children to master the abilities of each stage.
The social psychological development stages studied by Erikson:
0 to 1.5 years old: basic sense of security and the ability to rely on external forces.
1.5 to 3 years old: See yourself as the main body of life, with the ability to control your body and make certain things happen.
3 to 6 years old: Confident in one’s ability to innovate and create.
6 to adolescence: Believe that you have basic social and intellectual skills, self-acceptance.
Adolescence: Feeling good about yourself, feeling that you are an independent individual and accepted by society.
Early adulthood: Gaining intimacy and the ability to make commitments.
Mid-adulthood: Focusing on something beyond yourself. extended to family, society and the next generation.
Late adulthood: A sense of completeness and basic satisfaction with life.
From this study, we can see that when children reach adolescence, they will feel good about themselves and think of themselves as independent individuals. At this time, if parents intervene too much in their lives or point out their behavior, they will show strong rebellion in order to control their children.
When parents understand this, they can change their approach to communicate with their children, respect their ideas, but give their own opinions. The result is that children do not need to criticize when they are wrong. There is always a process of trial and error in life.
When parents can predict accurately every time, children will naturally consider whether their own ideas are worthy of discussion and whether it will benefit them to refer to their parents' opinions.
Parents who do not force or blame will naturally win the trust and respect of their children over time.
The main disagreement between parents and children is learning.
html On July 5th, the results of the Beijing High School Entrance Examination came out. Parents were stunned when they saw the scores. The full score was 660 points. Among them, 517 people from Haidian District alone got 655 points or more. The numbershows that in this exam, many students got full marks in many subjects, and the top 2,000 students only lost one or two points in one subject.
This is just the test for graduating from junior high school. Can the parents of those students who have not yet taken the high school entrance examination not be anxious? Anxious parents accidentally transfer their emotions onto their children.
No matter whether your child can catch it or not, it doesn’t matter how hard you try. If you use too much force or use inappropriate force, the harm to your child will be far greater than the benefit of improving your performance.
After years of research, child psychologist Piaget summarized the cognitive characteristics of children at the same age. Parents can determine training and education plans based on their children's physical development.
, and they have not allowed their children to have a strong interest in learning when they should master skills. Interest, this is the result of parents not teaching their children during the critical period of their growth.Piaget's stages of cognitive development:
0 to 2 years old (sensorimotor stage): Children explore the world through sensorimotor abilities.
With the emergence of symbolic thinking, object permanence and self-directed behavior also emerged.
2 to 7 years old (pre-operational stage): Children's thinking is egocentric. panpsychism thinking, centralization and irreversibility
and other characteristics.
The continued development of symbolic thinking
7 to 11 years old (concrete operation stage): Children have mastered the concept of conservation and developed the ability to perform
mental operations on the representation of concrete tangible objects
Over 12 years old (formal operation stage): This During this stage, adolescents and adults develop the ability for abstract reasoning and hypothetical thinking.
When children want to explore the world, parents should not over-protect them for the sake of safety, nor should they eagerly give external stimulation the opportunity to destroy their children's spiritual experience.
No matter what age he reaches, give your child any kind of experience platform so that he can slowly understand everything unknown in the world of awareness. This is more valuable than any preaching.
Children have not been taught well. Are parents responsible? They must be responsible. They have not given their children a platform suitable for their growth, they have not allowed their children to feel love and empathy
Parents in today's society have four parenting styles:
1. Authoritarian parents
2. Authoritative parents
3. Tolerant parents
4. Neglectful parents
As for the adverse consequences of each type on the growth of their children, parents can decide on their own Search, I won’t explain them one by one here.
Finally, people learn how to get along with others through interactions with parents, peers, and other people. This developmental task is called socialization. In the process of a person becoming a social being, no one can grow for him, and parents are no exception.
It is better to learn more about psychology, discover your own blind spots in education, and learn to be a good mentor for your children as they grow up, which will benefit them throughout their lives.
"Zimbardo's General Psychology" analyzes people's psychological conditions from 14 aspects such as behavior, biology, and perception. It is both thorough and rigorous. It is truly a rare work.
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