Note: This is an unaccepted manuscript and is free to be slightly "negatively altered" because it was not adopted.
I am honored to be asked to write a trial column. I hope that what I write can be seen by more people. One day in the future, children with autism spectrum disorders like my daughter can truly live in the sun, even without my protection, but I know that this is a distant dream of mine (the original words are: this is a distant dream of mine).
The topic selection of articles is very important. I have always tried to make my articles express my thoughts from re-creating life, remove preaching, lower my posture, and remove the so-called "professional" shell, so that more people can read in a way that is closest to daily life. Understand " autism " instead of speculating, romanticizing, deifying and demonizing. Outsiders can resonate with it and know to some extent the "difficulty" behind the survival of the spectrum. Parents in the circle can start from their own side to understand the essence behind "autism" behavior, tolerate and accept their children, and get rid of the teacher's presence. The daily life of the "angel" parents and the "tough bitches" of the "devils" around them, and calmly deal with various situations of their children.
So after thinking about this article, I will elaborate on the "understanding" of children on the "autism" spectrum based on the "simple" situation that has just happened or is happening to my daughter and I recently, and it is a "real" understanding.
understand! understand! Long live Sister Li! Long live understanding!
Let’s talk about the basic point first. Each of us knows and definitely looks forward to “Long Live Understanding” of ourselves. The “Long Live Understanding” that I “understand” is that a person can completely put aside his own subjective position to empathize and examine others. The behavior is to "substitute" oneself into the perspective and position of others as much as possible to "understand" others and then "help" others. And what autistic people need most all the time is this kind of "understanding", especially for small children, instead of just ignoring their appeals and not considering them just for the sake of the word "normal" in our cognition. The limitations of their abilities make them turn their heads to "understand" the unconditional repair and intervention of this so-called normal world.
Of course, I admit that this is the ceiling of "understanding" between people. It is not as simple as lip service and lip service. Psychologists may not do a good enough job, and it seems that it is difficult to obtain it immediately in children with autism. What is the most basic "feedback". It is extremely difficult for people with "autism" to grow up, and different spectrums have huge differences in manifestations depending on the degree of autism. When it comes to the occurrence and acquisition of any daily thing, children with more severe degrees of autism can do it. The difficulty has increased exponentially, which parents need to recognize and accept. Although "As long as you work hard enough, an iron pestle can be ground into a needle" is chicken soup. In the eyes of many people involved, it means that you can stand and talk without backache. However, my interpretation to you is not to ask you to find a thick iron rod to grind the needle. We must accept the reality before us and change what can be changed now. In this way, you will be rational and clear when dealing with any behavior of autistic children, including "abnormal" behaviors, and getting along with your children will naturally go smoothly, and a lot of things will be eliminated invisibly. In your eyes, the child's "behavioral problems" allow the interaction between the guardian and the ward to form a virtuous cycle.
A qualified parent will discover the shining point of his child from many small details in daily life, and then ignite it. A single spark can start a prairie fire. The growth of a child is a step-by-step process from quantitative change to qualitative change. For children with autism spectrum disorder, it is a very "long" process by ordinary people's "standards".
Ever since my daughter was very young, we have basically been outside every day, trying our best to get in touch with the outside world and adapt to various environments. Every summer, the most obvious symbol of our father and me is a big cattail leaf fan, which is a big fan to drive away the heat. A murder weapon, and my daughter’s physique is abnormally capable of sweating. Of course, as her body grows older, it is much better now.A few days ago, we lost a big cattail leaf fan while going to the wholesale market to buy vegetables. The process was quite dramatic. On the one hand, I felt annoyed for myself. Losing things has become the norm as I get older, and cattail leaf fans are really hard to buy now. When the weather is hot, I am often asked by uncles and aunts on the road. On the one hand, I feel helpless and even a little angry with my daughter, because I found out that I lost it after I bought a trailer of things and got on the bus. It is difficult for me to recall that I lost it. I was at a certain stall in a certain place, and I casually said to my daughter, "Our big cattail leaf fan is missing," but she was very happy. On the bus, she muttered "The big cattail leaf fan is missing," as if she had picked up 10,000 yuan. Asked "Do you know where dad threw the cattail leaf fan?", and got such a definite answer as "It was lost at the tomato stand"... If the big cattail leaf fan was worth 10,000 yuan, anyone would be so angry that he would lose his breath, but he has already sat down Getting in the car was a done deal, and I really didn’t have the energy to drag a cart full of vegetables and take my daughter back to look for it.
大 Orange focuses on
"Property rights awareness" has been a high-level proposition for my daughter since she was a child. In the past, she was quite "a strong person without desire". Even now, she has an objective understanding of "property rights awareness" and takes it very lightly. As for the Things like money and things, which are the same as the lifeblood of our existence, are even more dispensable in the eyes of others, so this "ridiculous thing" happened in our eyes like watching me lose the cattail leaf fan, and I am not sure Where exactly the cattail leaf fan was lost was uncertain, as was the girl's casual answer, because she still had trouble answering accurately questions like "location and orientation". For example, after I go out and ask "Where are we going?", she will always stop and rack her brains, think seriously and then answer "Go buy bananas", and then go around to where to buy them, at a fruit stand, where. Buying, in the supermarket, how to get there, taking the bus... there are always links in her mind with no shortcuts. No link can be pulled out and said casually, even if it is something we think is super simple and easy. "Where"! Knowing her current situation and her way of thinking is the most "thorough" "understanding" of her. Therefore, I will not blindly force her on many simple things, but will give her the most patient guidance.
In this way, two days passed without the big cattail leaf fan. My daughter also talked about it for two whole days. On the third day, she finally agreed to the arrangement of going out to find the big cattail leaf fan. I was fed up with her not having the big cattail leaf fan all day long. On a sweaty day, we went straight to the tomato stall in the wholesale market under the leadership of my daughter. Along the way, I imagined that maybe a miracle would happen. If the big cattail fan was recovered, it would be like meeting an old friend in a foreign land after a long drought, and my daughter was the happiest. of that.
Picture courtesy of Queen Mother. All rights reserved.
"When you see your aunt, you should say hello and ask her if my cattail leaf fan is there?" I taught her on the way.
"Yes!" She doesn't think I have the need to teach her, and thinks that she is the master of the world, okay...
"Hello, aunt, I want a big cattail leaf fan!" I watched her negotiate from a distance, and I I kept my composure and did not interfere. The stall owner understood it and took out the cattail leaf fan in an instant. At that time, my daughter and I were as happy as a child, "What do you have to say?", "Thank you, aunt!" Her reaction to these words is still relatively good now. quickly. In fact, this is really a miracle for us, it can sweep away the ubiquitous haze in life.
"Good boy, you are great. You can help dad remember where the lost cattail leaf fan is. You also know that when someone helps find something lost, you should say thank you. But next time, remember to remind dad when he forgets something. Or hold it for dad. We must know that we cannot throw away our own things casually. If we lose it, we may never find it again. If we never find it, it will be gone..."
Thinking of how many things she had when she was a child, her smiling expression showed She disappeared without a trace. She just hid and threw things without looking for them. She broke the casserole without asking for it. She often lost control of her emotions because she couldn't accept the things she couldn't find. But now I can make her progress no matter how insignificant it is in the eyes of others. You can notice it and be happy about it. This kind of happiness is something that outsiders cannot feel.
Picture courtesy of Queen Mother. All rights reserved.
That night, before the big cattail leaf incident happened, we both came out of my grandparents’ house. When we went out to take a car, I couldn’t find a mask in my bag. I knew it was her fault and asked, “I have a mask.” "Where are you?", and I already know how she will answer...
"On the small table!"
Hey, this shouldn't be the usual answer, your answer should be - "Here!" "ah! ? I thought to myself, you obviously have no other answer to this kind of question other than "here" or "over there"! ?
But you answered clearly. Now you can answer clearly for the first time.
I was happy all night for these four words, and I kept strengthening the memory in my mind for fear of forgetting. I had to write it out, write it down...
I finally wrote it out for everyone to see, my daughter, I am proud of you!
I provided the pictures myself. Copyright
There is a meaningful saying in " The Little Prince ", "You can only see things clearly with your heart, and important things cannot be seen with your eyes."
To others and to children The "understanding" of autism requires hard work, and eyes will only make you trapped in your own subjective perception and miss the most beautiful and precious things.
