Rebellious, tired of studying, disobedient, and fond of playing with mobile phones... How to read adolescent children? !
Some time ago, many people saw a report. A father, after his 16-year-old son ( severe depression ) committed suicide by jumping off a building, he couldn't let go day and night. At 5:34 a.m. on July 26, 2020, the father received the last text message from his son: "I really can't get out."
The father responded to the text message, but the son did not reply. I went to my son's room, but he wasn't there.
The father rushed to the rooftop in panic, but his son was missing. Back on the first floor, 110 and 120 are there...
In the words of his father: "His life and my life came to an abrupt end." When his son passed away, his father did not dare to live at home or enter the cinema. I don't dare to go into a restaurant. Because it is all the shadow of my son, because it is all the memories with my son.
Photos became the father's only thought. He looked through the photos of his son one by one:
I took the first photo of him smacking his fingers in the delivery room; I fell asleep in the swimming pool;
I pooped for the first time, and I caught it with my hand in desperation...
My father had countless dreams, and all of them were about his son.
In the dream, I apologized to my son: I'm sorry, Dad lost you.
After reading this father’s diary, I felt very depressed, and every word struck my heart. I feel sorry for the children and heartbroken for the parents.
But he left a message in the comment area, which deeply hurt:
Many parents are confused.
When we were young, there were very few people who committed suicide due to depression. Why do today's children become depressed, jump off buildings, commit suicide when they are a little frustrated, and are so mentally fragile? ? What exactly happened here?
Today’s children have a high demand for the right to speak.
To answer this question, I would like to ask all parents a question first: Do you understand today’s children? Since 2000, children have changed. Today's children have high demands for the right to speak.
When we were children, we were taught that "adults speak, children should not interrupt." In this kind of environment, it is unthinkable to talk back, let alone confront your parents. We feel from the bottom of our hearts that our parents’ words cannot be disobeyed and there is no room for bargaining. But now? When a child comes into this world, at least two or even six people surround him. These people took care of her wholeheartedly, listened to him well, and gave him love. This kind of child who grows up in love and freedom is completely different from us. They will feel that they are equal to their parents, grandparents, and teachers. Since we are equal, I can listen to what you say if I want to;
if you scold me, I can also scold you;
if you yell at me, I will naturally retaliate;
if you call me "go away", then I can also Calling you "go away"... Basically, children around the age of 8 are already proficient in using the three words "why".
From the perspective of many parents, they will think: How can a child do this? It is simply shocking and unacceptable.
High voice brings children high self-esteem and high independence needs.
If parents don’t give enough respect and patience, the children will suffer! It is a huge challenge for contemporary parents to raise children who grow up under parental authority but to raise children who grow up with respect and freedom.
Today's children are too lonely.
The author of a series of educational dramas such as "Little Farewell", "Little Joy", and "小 giving " said that many children today feel that they are very lonely. .
A child said to him: Uncle, I feel like I am an orphan, an orphan in the homework pile, and a spiritual left-behind child.
Although the world is getting more and more exciting, the world of children is not getting more and more exciting.
Professor Li Meijin shared a conversation with her daughter.
Professor Li chatted with his daughter: Your generation is happier than ours. You can learn things every day, which is great!
My daughter said: Our generation envy you, you are so happy.
Li Meijin was puzzled, and her daughter replied: You can’t feel our pain.
sits in the classroom at 7:10 every morning and has to sit until 5:30 in the afternoon. He goes home to do homework at 11:30 in the evening.
Mom, this is not a day, it is 12 years. "
To be fair, what my daughter said does make sense.
Think about it when we were children, there were no smartphones, no social software, and no various entertainment facilities.
But children's lives are always colorful, and their time outside of study is all about It's free to arrange. Whether it's shuttlecock , throwing stones, or hopscotch, it's the purest interaction and play. Even if you get scolded, you can just turn around and run around with your friends, and your energy and emotions will always be vented. Looking at today's children, although they can go far away, even go abroad at any time, and have access to more and exciting toys and games than when we were young, most children are in a hurry after school. They were hurriedly taken home by their parents, and started doing homework as soon as the door was closed. After finishing their homework, they read for a while and then went to bed.
Home-School-Home-School
Too many times, they have no choice.
is like a little fish, wandering alone in its own fish tank.
Materials are abundant, but happiness is scarce.
How can children who grow up like this not be anxious and depressed? , The sense of reality is very weak
To be precise, the post-00s generation is the real first generation of Internet natives in China.
More than 90% of children have already started to have access to the Internet before entering elementary school or even elementary school.
Today’s children can. It is said that living in the computer world has a weak sense of reality.
Psychologist Chen Mo said this.
The two children are both figurine enthusiasts and they often discuss and communicate online.
After going back and forth, the two planned to meet their netizens offline and sit together to chat.
As a result, the two children had nothing to say when they met. Together they decided, "Let's talk online, goodbye." ”
They experience a sense of reality in the virtual world and a sense of virtuality in the real world.
In other words, they cannot find their own value in the real world, so they go to the online world to find a sense of value.
This is also This is the reason why many children are addicted to the Internet.
I received a consultation last year.
A mother was very worried. She brought a mobile phone to me.
She said, "Teacher, my daughter is in a key high school, but I was on her mobile phone. I saw this group in this group, and this group was playing this thing."
I was shocked when I saw it, what are you playing? One person cuts himself.
This is a manifestation of the lack of sense of reality.
A weak sense of reality creates a poor self in children, and must Only in this way can we find our true existence.
Social psychologist Jane Twenge once pointed out in "The Internet Age":
"The behavior of 18-year-old children today is very similar to that of 15-year-old children in the past. The child is like a 10-year-old child.
Teenagers are physically safer than ever, but their minds are more vulnerable. ”
Back to the original question, why are our children becoming more and more fragile?
It’s not that today’s children are becoming more and more heartless, but that there has never been a generation like our children.
Before they grow up, they will Faced with one pressure after another.
The scarcity of high-quality educational resources, the social pressure of peers, and the heavy expectations of parents and elders...
carries too much effort, energy and resources, and children are unwilling to live up to it, and they dare not live up to it. This is my heart.
As the saying goes: "It is really difficult for Chinese children. They have to carry the heaviest schoolbags in the world, take the most exams in the world, and are the first to experience loneliness and pressure."
A hundred years ago, Mr. Lu Xun shouted loudly and loudly at the end of " Diary of a Madman ": Save the children...
Then, he wrote the thought-provoking article "How should we be fathers now".
More than 100 years ago Today, "how should we be parents now" has become a new problem for our parents.
Facing a complex environment, drastic changes in society, and changes in children...
It can be said that parents in this era are more demanding than ever before. Being a parent is never easy. It is a great fate for us to be parents.
I hope that all parents can educate their children. Don’t be the straw that breaks your child’s back.
Support your children with love, understanding, and respect, and move forward together.
