This is the 799th real person we tell
My name is Zhou Xuxia, from Tongling, Anhui Province, 56 years old this year.
I have two children. After my youngest daughter Zhu Xiaojing was born in 1991, my family has both children.
I thought a happy life would begin from now on, but when my daughter was 2 and a half years old, I personally sent her to the human traffickers.
28 For the past 2018, I have been searching alone, but there has been no news. I still cannot forgive myself.
I used to hear people saying that tears would dry out, but I didn’t believe it until it came true on me, because I haven’t shed a single tear in fifteen or sixteen years.
(Jingjing's only photo)
I was born in a family of six, the eldest, and a sister and two younger brothers. My father is 82 years old this year and my mother passed away earlier.
When I was a child, my family's living conditions were very hard. In order to save food, we only eat two meals a day. After eating porridge in the morning, I can only have a second meal until I get hungry at night, but it is just a little vegetable grown at home.
When I was 7 years old, my sister was born. Because my father worked outside all year round, even though I was at the age of studying, I could only work for my mother at home and take care of my younger brother and sister.
It was not until when I was 10 years old that my grandmother came to my house to help, and I finally had the opportunity to study.
I long to change my destiny through reading, but as soon as I finished the second grade of elementary school, my grandmother told me not to study anymore because she was leaving. It was like a bolt from the blue. I was angry and sad. I slept at home for 3 days to protest.
Fortunately, my father came back. He supported me very much in continuing to go to school and gave me a dollar to buy books.
(Jingjing, this is your 82-year-old grandfather)
At that time, I didn't care that it was already dark, so I grabbed that dollar and ran to the teacher's house. My teacher is very good. He didn't ask for my money. He also said he would go to his home to do ideological work for his grandmother and asked me to continue studying.
Grandma agreed, but the condition was that I could only go to school after cooking and washing dishes every day. As long as I can go to school, I can do no matter how much work I do. But after half a year, I still had to drop out of school because I had to take care of my family.
Although I also knew some characters in school, because I did not learn pinyin in the first grade, the characters I know in my life are very limited.
Those two and a half years of study were the only intersection with school in my life. I secretly swore that when I had a child in the future, I would definitely let him study hard.
In 1981, I also wanted to go out to work and make money, so I went to the construction site with my father. That was the first time I left home.
I cried as soon as I arrived at the construction site. When I went out, I thought my father was working very well, but I came to a mountain that was poorer than my family.
(I was young)
The so-called house is just a temporary shed. The bed is made of bamboo , and it is covered with hay to block the moisture. This is my dormitory and the workers.
I am responsible for cooking on the construction site, and I get up at 4 o'clock every morning and start to be busy. Although it doesn’t require much fines to make big pot rice, I need to prepare a lot of dishes. Every time I cook, my arms are sore.
But I never thought about going home, I was suffering and burdened, and at least I could make money here.
At that time, the salary was paid every few months, and I received 230 yuan at most once, which was a huge sum of money for me. Unfortunately, after only two years of work, my family needed me to go back again, so I had to live a life of washing, cooking, and going to the fields to farm.
Destiny is like a rope tied to me, and no matter how hard I struggle, it will pull me back to where I am.
I am 20 years old in a blink of an eye and I am at the age of waiting to marry. After being introduced by someone, I met my lover. Maybe it can't be said to be acquaintance, because we only met at my house and didn't even say a word before getting married.
(Jingjing, this is your father)
I don’t like him, but then getting married was like going through the process, as long as both parties confirm that it is correct at home.
So, we got married in June 1986.His family's conditions are not as good as mine, but he can live a life of ease.
In 1988, our son Fengfeng was born. I originally wanted only one child, but then I got pregnant again. After discussing with my lover, I decided to give birth to the child.
On November 19, 1991, our daughter Zhu Xiaojing was born.
The process of Jingjing gave birth was very smooth. When my lover and I saw my daughter, we were very glad that we chose to give birth to her. Her arrival has added new hope to our poor family.
Jingjing has two big eyes, very smart and sensible, and can be said to be loved by everyone.
When Jingjing was over 1 year old, she not only learned to speak, but also could walk. Every time I look at her and walk with my little butt, I think I must let her grow up healthy and happy.
Since then, I have started to take the brother and sister to work together. She was very obedient and I was busy in the field, so she played with her brother in the house next to the farm.
(Jingjing, this is your brother)
Their brother and sister have the same personality as each other. When they are tired of playing, the brother will choose to sit on the stool, but Jingjing likes to sit on the ground. Whenever she saw me coming, she would stand up, slap her butt and say, "Mom, I'm wrong, I'll never sit on the ground again."
Even if she sees her mistake every time I can't bear to blame her if I make another mistake. Because the family conditions are limited, she has not had a toy since she was a child, so I always feel that I owe her too much.
When Jingjing was over two years old, one day I went out and didn't take her with me. She built a few bricks in the yard and stood on it to help me collect my clothes. Fortunately, my sister-in-law happened to see it and hurriedly carried her down.
When I learned about this, I felt so happy. ’s daughter knew she felt sorry for me at such a young age and helped me with work.
At home, my lover loves Jingjing more than my son. If you have any delicious food, you will always eat Jingjing tightly. My father also dotes on her very much. Almost all the clothes Jingjing wears since she was a child were bought by my father, and he also meets all his requests for Jingjing.
(son Fengfeng and my grandson)
has quietly accompanied me. Although I don’t feel that life is hard, I see that my two children are growing up and the expenses are getting bigger and bigger. My lover is not only content with the status quo, but even doesn't want to go to work, so I start to worry about money all day long.
I have suffered from uneducated losses. I can’t let Jingjing be like me, and girls have to go to school, so I had the idea of going out to work and make money.
I and a friend of Xuzhou told me this idea, but she had the same idea, so she agreed that I would go to find her first and then go to Shanghai to work together.
Since Jingjing has never left me since I was a child, I couldn't bear to leave her at home, so I took her out with me.
On May 14, 1994, I arrived in Xuzhou by train. After getting off the train, I had to go to the bus station to take the bus, but at that time I only had a few dollars and couldn't bear to take the bus to the bus station, so I wanted to find out the location and walk over.
Just as I walked to the entrance of the train station, I saw a woman of my age. She was wearing a small jacket, black pants and sandals at the time, so I went up to find out how to get to the bus station.
(Xuzhou Railway Station)
She said enthusiastically that she happened to go there too, just let us follow her. I was very happy and thought that I met a kind-hearted person as soon as I arrived in Xuzhou.
We were chatting all the time on the road. She asked me where I came from, what I was going to do, and how old I was, and I answered all of them truthfully.
And I learned from her that she is from , Sichuan , 30 years old, was deceived at the age of 19 and sold to Xuzhou.
When we were tired of walking, we sat on the side of the road to rest. Jingjing said she was hungry, and I felt very guilty. I couldn't let my daughter have a good meal along the way, so I comforted her that we could have a meal when we arrived at the aunt's house.
At this time, the Sichuan woman walked away, and soon she came back with a cake.He said that he couldn't bear to see the child starving, so he went to buy Jingjing a cake. At that time, I was grateful to her from the bottom of my heart.
But after eating Jingjing for two bites, I didn’t want to eat anymore. I just wanted to go to the bus station to take the bus so that she would not be hungry for a while.
(Information when Jingjing was abducted)
At that time, I was holding Jingjing with one hand and holding Jingjing with the other. Before I could walk for a long time, my arms became sore again. I asked Jingjing to come down and walk by herself, but she didn't want to.
When I was still coaxing Jingjing, the Sichuan woman stretched out her hand and said to hug me for a while, but Jingjing still hugged me and refused to let go. I said to Jingjing, "Mom is tired, please ask the aunt to hug her for a while and let her rest." So I handed over my daughter to her.
As I walked, I wanted to go to the river to wash my hands, but when I got there, I found that the water was dirty and I didn't wash it. But the moment I turned around and returned, I found that the woman disappeared with Jingjing.
is just a time to turn around, just a distance of 3 steps, but she just disappeared!
My mind was blank at that time. When I reacted, I was panicked. I felt my whole body trembling and my legs were weak. I can no longer think, I can only search around blindly, and there is only one thought in my mind: "Where is my Jingjing?"
(I searched for my daughter Jingjing through live broadcast)
At this time, a big brother riding a bicycle found out. , I was just carrying me to search nearby, but I still couldn't see any quiet shadow.
So I ran to the nearest police station to call the police. At that time, there was no such thing as DNA, so after registering, I went back to the place where I lost.
I asked all the shops along the street. Whenever I saw a passerby, I would come forward to ask. But in this complex city, even if I was separated from Jingjing by a wall, it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.
I began to fall into deep self-blame, and I kept asking myself: "Why should I go to ask the woman for directions, why didn't I spend money to take the bus to the bus station, why didn't I give the suitcase to that woman, and It was the most important daughter in my life that I handed over to her…”.
I even thought, it would be great if she hadn’t given birth to Jingjing at the beginning, and she would not have to suffer such hardships.
I don’t understand, I just want to change my destiny, but why does destiny do to me like this.
(what I look like now)
After I calmed down a little, I carefully recalled everything that happened.
Jingjing is a very clever child. When she is taken away, she will definitely call her mother, but why didn’t I hear Jingjing make any noise?
So I thought of that cake, maybe the woman did something on the cake. Or she covered Jingjing's mouth with her hands and prevented her from making a sound. Or maybe she was not alone, but someone hid in the dark to help her.
Could the elder brother who carried me to find Jingjing on a bicycle, was her accomplice? He took me on the wrong route just to give the Sichuan woman time to escape...
After a series of thoughts, I fell into deeper despair. For 4 days, I couldn't eat or sleep, so I kept walking and searching.
I went to the TV station and wanted to register for the missing person notice, but it took 200 yuan for a week to broadcast on the TV station. I only had a few yuan at that time, and it was not enough to print some flyers.
(Aunt and I have always been thinking about Jingjing)
I did not inform any of my family. I was determined to find Jingjing, so I started my wandering life in Xuzhou. And for my father, I also became his lost daughter.
In Xuzhou, I don’t have a relative or friend, and I don’t have money. After a few days, even eating became a problem, let alone finding a hotel to sleep.
I started to make a living by begging for food, because in this way I could walk around so that I could find silence. Even if you can only make money to buy a steamed bun, as long as you can't starve to death.
Most people are very sympathetic to my experience. Someone gave me 5 yuan at a time, and there are kind-hearted people who bring me food and drinks, comfort me and encourage me.
At night, I spent a night on the stools at the train station and bus station, and even used the bridge hole as my home. It was during that time that my legs had rheumatism.
Although this cannot be called a job, and I have suffered indifference and rolling my eyes, I don’t feel embarrassed. As long as I can find my daughter, I am willing to do whatever I want.
(Jingjing, mom misses you)
Only after two months did I gradually regain my ability to think. It's not a solution to continue like this. I can't destroy my body. I'm still waiting for me to find her.
I found a restaurant that controls food and accommodation to work. My daily job is to clean dishes and wash dishes. Although I have less time to find Jingjing in this way, I have to make sure I can survive first.
During my work period, I would go around asking about Jingjing’s whereabouts whenever I had time. Although I know that hope is slim, I always hold a little thought and a little hope in my heart. Maybe Jingjing is still in Xuzhou.
I dare not give up because I am afraid that once I stop, I will completely collapse and I will never see my daughter again.
Since I read less, it is difficult to write a missing person notice. I started copying lyrics, and then learned to sing, using this method to recognize words.
Finally in 1998, I wrote my father the first letter in my life, telling me everything. After receiving the letter, my father rushed to Xuzhou to visit me.
(I play and relax with my father)
My father did not blame me. He felt sorry for me and wanted me to go home, but I insisted on staying in Xuzhou because I had my only ties here.
In 2000, I went to the construction site to move bricks again, and it cost 10 yuan a day. I was doing the same job as a man. My hands were often worn red and painful, and many new calluses were added.
Choose this job because of freedom of time. If you have time, you can do it. When you have no work, I can continue to look for Jingjing.
Second, since Jingjing was abducted, I can basically only fall asleep by taking medicine. This job is very tiring, so tired that I can fall asleep when I lie down, so tired that I don’t have to think about Jingjing anymore.
In 2005, I finally saved some money and opened a small shop on the street similar to a newspaper booth, selling tobacco, alcohol and department stores.
After wandering in Xuzhou for 11 years, I finally lived a normal life, but There is always an irreplaceable hole in my heart.
After operating for 5 years, I caught up with the city planning and the store was forced to close. I bought a tricycle and went to the train station to carry passengers.
(Jingjing, I am my mother)
Every time I come to the train station, the scene from 16 years ago is constantly replayed in front of my eyes. says that time can heal everything, but it will never heal the pain in my heart. .
At first I just verbally requested every passenger to help me spread my daughter’s information. Later, when I had a more convenient chat tool, I asked the other party to add my friends and then sent them the Jingjing message.
, even if I don’t give me the fare, as long as it can satisfy my small request.
This time, it took me three years, but the tricycle was taken away without compliance, so I went back to my hometown to visit my father. I haven't seen each other for many years, and my father has aged a lot. Fortunately, his body is still strong, so I can feel at ease.
I know that my father is very concerned about Jingjing's whereabouts over the years, but he is afraid that I will be sad, so he never dares to ask me on his own initiative. And I felt guilty and never brought him good news.
After returning from my hometown, I started a small business again, but I still unwilling to give up and bought another tricycle, and continued to look for my daughter Jingjing like before.
(Exercise well, and hope my daughter will go home)
In 2016, I attended the search conference. Some children looked for their parents, and some looked for their children like me. Looking at each hopeful and tired face, I really hate them too much Human traffickers!
They took away not only one person, but the spiritual sustenance of the family . From the moment children disappear from our lives, finding them has become an obsession, and it is also a reason for us to continue to live.
Last year, a platform for searching for relatives contacted me and said that there was a girl who was probably my Jingjing and needed DNA matching.
When I heard this news, my heart seemed to stop beating. I couldn't believe it and kept chasing the other party and confirming it again and again. I was not sure that all this was true until the staff said that the girl would take the train back to her hometown to match my lover's DNA.
So, I hurried to Xuzhou’s anti-trafficking office to collect DNA. During those days, I couldn't sleep at night. I hoped that she would be the quiet I thought about day and night, but I was also very scared. If it really matched, how should I face her!
(Jingjing, these are your two nephews)
A week later, the result came out, the match failed, she was not my Jingjing.
Fate is a mess. Children who want to go home cannot find their parents, but parents who are struggling to find their children do not know where they are.
This is the closest I have to Jingjing. This "accident" came quickly and went simply, but it made my heart unable to calm down and I couldn't sleep for more than three consecutive months.
Once I heard from a friend that a father who was looking for his daughter stayed in a live broadcast room for a girl looking for a relative. Later, under the persuasion of his family, he had DNA with the girl, and the result was really successful.
After listening to this story, I ignited new hope. In this era of such a developed Internet, Jingjing’s information will definitely be spread more widely, and Jingjing may also appear in my live broadcast room.
So I started to learn how to do live broadcasts, from the seventh day of the Chinese New Year this year, I have been doing it until now. At the beginning, I got up at 4 a.m. to broadcast live, but found that there were very few people watching it, so I changed it to 6:30, and I broadcast live for 2-3 hours every day.
(My lively and handsome grandson)
In the live broadcast room, a friend told me how to spread information better, and there were also friends who were looking for relatives connected with me, telling my experiences and pain.
Once upon a time, my son saw that I had worked hard to find it, so he advised me not to look for it. After all, China is so big, and the possibility of finding it is too small. Why not wait for Jingjing to come to us?
In fact, I have never told him about Jingjing, and he has always kept silent. I missed my son's growth, but he never blamed me. I knew very well that I owe him too much.
But every day in these 28 years, as long as I think of Jingjing, my heart is like a knife. All my thoughts can only be used to find Jingjing, so I have no way to do nothing.
I often dream that when Jingjing was a child, she was still so well-behaved and cute. She happily digs the soil on the mud in front of me, and then builds the soil into a small soil bun. That was what she once liked to do the most.
(Jingjing, mom has never given up looking for you)
I often imagine what Jingjing looks like now. Is she like me or her father? She has been doing well in the past 28 years, and did her adoptive parents let her go to school? She should be married now and has her own children...
I used to hear people saying that tears would dry out, but I didn't believe it until it came true. I believe it in me. Because I haven't shed a single tear in fifteen or sixteen years, no matter how hard, tired or uncomfortable I feel, I still can't express my sadness by crying.
I think, maybe the next time I cry, it will be the time for me to reunite with Jingjing.
I want to tell Jingjing: "It's mom who's sorry for you, lost you. Whether you can forgive me or not, can you call me mom again, but please let me know where you are and whether you live well, okay ”
(Jingjing, mom is getting old, you go home quickly)
Xuzhou has brought me too much pain, but now I regard this place as my home. I dare not leave, I just hope that in my lifetime, Can meet her daughter again.
[Oral: Zhou Xuxia]
[Editor: Huohuo]
This case story is provided by @Toutiao Search , and has been approved by the parties involved.
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