On March 31, Wang Moulei, a 14-year-old second-year junior high school student at Yugou Middle School in Lingbi County, had a conflict with Xu Moubang, a student in the same dormitory, and eventually died of arrhythmia due to heart shock. A young man in the flower season easily lost his precious life.
This incident has been repeatedly fermented and has attracted widespread attention from public opinion. While netizens are paying attention to the truth of the matter, should we reflect more on the frequent occurrence of campus violence, and what is the root cause?
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Parents must become the first person in charge of teenagers character education
It is true that in campus violence, schools and society bear unshirkable responsibilities. For example, there are loopholes in school dormitory management, schools focus on grades and neglect character education, and bad social atmosphere affects students' growth, etc. However, should parents reflect more on whether they are more responsible as guardians if their children have problems?
has a discussion about such a thing, "A middle school student was hit by a car running a red light while crossing the street and died. Who should be responsible for the life of this child?"
There is no doubt that everyone will agree that the driver in the accident should be fully responsible for this matter. However, no matter how much money the driver pays, the child's life is gone. Can he survive? Therefore, should be responsible for the child's life and his parents.
I have seen a girl in her 20s riding an electric bike and was hit by a motor vehicle 4 times a year. Do you think it is a motor vehicle or a girl who blames herself? Personally, I think the girl should blame her for her weak awareness of traffic safety and her parents lacked this education since childhood. The same is true for campus violence. Schools and society are certainly responsible, but this is an external factor. Children themselves and their parents are the internal factor and the decisive factor.
Let me ask, no matter how sound and strict the school management system is, can it stop a child with inner violence from fighting with others? Surely not, he will find ways to take advantage of various opportunities to fight with people. To give a simple and crude example, is prison management strict? Someone still fights.
So, shaping children's excellent qualities such as self-esteem, self-love, willingness to help others, kindness and lenientness are the fundamental. Children like are kind, generous and tolerant to others, and do not have the internal motivation to bully others.
For schools and society, children are just one of the people, but for a family, children are the only ones. Parents are the first teachers of their children, so parents must take on the first person in charge of their children's character education, rather than just blaming the school and society.
As parents, we are powerless to change the school and social environment. We can only do our best to do ourselves, change the family environment and the way we educate our children, and keep our children away from school violence.
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The root of campus violence lies in the family
Associate Professor He Ting said: "Although it seems to be campus violence, the root cause lies in the family."
A survey shows that among the education a person receives throughout his life, the impact of family education accounts for more than 75%.
Campus violence is mostly concentrated on children with single parents, divorced or parents are not around. Such children lack sufficient care in the growth environment, lack security and belonging, and are prone to forming an incomplete personality that is irritable, irritable, extreme and willful.
The character development of children is mainly related to the following three family factors.
First of all, a child’s character is related to the parents’ personality.
Parents are the mirror of their children, and children are the shadow of their parents.
If parents have a cheerful personality and a democratic style, children will easily develop good qualities such as self-love, cheerfulness, and unity. If parents are timid and narrow-minded, their children will easily develop negative qualities such as negative, dependence, darkness, and cruelty.
In the movie " Youth of Boys ", Xu Miao's mother has a weak personality and will only cry when encountering problems.The same is true for Xu Miao's personality. When Wei Lai and Luo Ting bullied their classmates, she would only obey and not dare to resist, thus becoming an accomplice of the two bullying their classmates.
Secondly, the child's character is related to the relationship between husband and wife .
As the saying goes, "Those who are close to red are red, and those who are close to ink are black." If the relationship between husband and wife is not harmonious, they often quarrel, and even the father often beats the mother, and the child grows up in a tense and disharmonious environment and is influenced by the eyes, then a seed of violence will be planted in his heart, thus forming an aggressive personality and leading to the occurrence of violent behavior.
Finally, the child’s character is related to the way parents educate their children.
First, parents spoil their children too much.
Parents regard their children as too important and regard them as the little emperors in the family. No matter what they say or do, their parents support them unconditionally and develop the bad habit of being self-centered and selfish. When children like
enter schools and society, they naturally believe that others should revolve around them. When encountering unpleasant people and things, they are competitive and do not know how to control themselves, they will have conflicts with others, and even fight, which will eventually turn into tragedy.
2019, Chen, a high school student in Fangshan District, had an quarrel with his classmate Guo over trivial matters during class. The next day, he brought folding knife to school. During the morning self-study period, he stabbed Guo with a folding knife in the classroom, causing Guo to be disable from at level 10.
In this case, because Chen had good academic performance and his parents were very spoiled, he responded to Chen's requests and had never suffered setbacks, so he was hurt.
The second is that parents commit violent discipline on their children.
Parents often beat and scold their children, which will cause huge harm to their children's physical and mental health. If you follow the example, your child will treat his classmates around you in the same way.
In the movie "Youth", Luo Ting's father is irritable and never quarrels when he can do something. Luo Ting is often covered in scars. Luo Ting is always used to solving problems when bullying her classmates. Isn’t this what she learned from her father?
Third, parents leave their children alone.
Some parents have established new families after divorce, while others are single-parent families. The unsatisfactory family life and the pressure of life are too great, so they have no time to take care of their children's feelings and rarely communicate with their children.
Some parents go out to work and put their children in school accommodation. Then, they don’t care about it, always think that their children have teachers in school and they just need to make money.
Parents don’t know that children are lonely inside and are particularly eager to be cared for. These children have no goals and directions for life and study, and do not know what to do or not, and they may be mixed up with the gangsters in school and society and fight.
A video was once circulated on the Internet, where a 19-year-old girl slapped a 15-year-old girl in the face, and 28 slapped her shoes with the soles. The beaten person neither dared to escape nor resist, but just kept begging for mercy. It is said that the parents of the 19-year-old girl who beat her have long been divorced and no one cares about her.
Such children lack the love and warmth of their parents since childhood, have no confidence and hope for life, are full of hatred for the world, and beating people has become an outlet for her to vent her emotions. The girl is arrogant on the surface and very hateful. In fact, she is a person who is seriously lacking in love. She can only show that she is strong by bullying others.
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A few suggestions for parents and friends
First, build a harmonious and loving relationship between husband and wife, create a relaxed and pleasant family atmosphere, and provide children with a healthy and positive family environment.
The best gift parents give to their children is that their father loves their mother.
The relationship between husband and wife is greater than all relationships. Only by creating a harmonious family environment for husband and wife relationships can children thrive and improve every day.
The current divorce rate remains high. If parents do not want their children to become problematic teenagers, they should pay attention to the relationship between husband and wife. Put down your phone, put down too many desires, return to your family, and cherish the people in front of you.
Second, parents should communicate more with their children and discipline their children in the right way.
does not indulge in children.
Children belong to society. One day they will leave their families and integrate into society when they grow up. As parents, we should help our children establish a correct outlook on life, values and worldview, so that they know what to do and what not to do. When setting rules, we must set rules, and criticize and correct mistakes in time.
Respect children and communicate with them in an equal way.
Every child is an independent individual, unique. They all have their own ideas and their own unique charm. They do not force children to be consistent with themselves, do not suppress or deny children at will, and do not let children become the snail that shed tears.
care more about children's study and life, so that they can feel the love of their parents.
No matter how embarrassing and unbearable your life is now, since you have given birth to a child, you should be responsible for him. No matter where you are, you must take time to visit or call him, care about his study and life at school, understand his thoughts and dynamics, and communicate with teachers frequently to discover problems in your children in a timely manner.
