The mint color of the lace pajamas matches the skin tone, which is a bit sexy and also brings a bit of freshness and romance in spring. However, a girl bought her pajamas and threw them into the trash can before she even looked in the mirror after washing them.

01

A few days ago, a buyer’s review of a lace suspender pajamas caused quite a ripple.

The mint color of lace pajamas matches the skin tone, which is a bit sexy and also has a bit of fresh and romantic spring.

However, a girl bought her pajamas and threw them into the trash can before she could even look in the mirror after washing them.

Because her husband laughed at her, laughed at her 160cm tall and over 120 pounds for looking fat in clothes, and laughed at her age of over 30 for looking funny in clothes.

The girl's mentality collapsed. The first sentence of the comment was: "You are humiliating yourself!!!"

A netizen posted on Weibo and said, "I cried when I saw it." The Weibo post

instantly aroused discussion among many netizens and received more than 4 million views and nearly 200,000 likes.

’s hands have become rough due to years of doing housework, and the lace has become a little hooky to the touch;

was laughed at as soon as she put it on, and her mentality collapsed. She even threw it into the trash can before she even had time to see if it fit.

is just "It's a pity this dress, the warmth from back then is long gone, and I'm still stupid."

It is conceivable that a girl happily tries on the beautiful new pajamas she bought, perhaps because she wants to surprise her husband and expects his love.

Unexpectedly, not only was there no love and praise as expected, but there was also a whole lot of cynicism.

Frustrated and furious, she threw away her pajamas without blinking an eye, and also threw away her expectation of her husband's praise. She told herself and others: "You'd better love yourself!"

Indeed, rather than expending effort, If you expect to be loved by others, it is better to love yourself first.

If we always blindly pursue the approval of others and care about other people's evaluation, we will only get endless grievances and sadness.

02

once saw a sad report.

In July 2016, the Development and Anti-Narcotics Brigade of the Yantai Development Zone Public Security Bureau received a 37-year-old woman.

She is here to issue the "Feedback Notice on Verification of Drug Addicts".

And the reason why she took drugs was because she wanted to lose weight.

lost weight just to please her cheating husband.

She said that she loves her husband very much and has lived a relatively happy life since they got married in 2008.

Just slowly, she gained weight, and her husband began to dislike her for being too fat, so he found another woman outside.

She wanted to win back her husband's heart by losing weight. She tried many methods but failed.

A woman who was working with her to lose weight told her that taking drugs can help her lose weight. "All the women who take drugs on TV are as thin as matchsticks."

She knew that drugs were not good things and would become addictive after taking them.

But the woman said that if you smoke less, you will not become addicted.

It was such a ridiculous reason that she started taking drugs.

However, the drug was taken, but the weight loss was not successful.

After taking drugs, she really didn’t want to eat and was so excited that she could go days and nights without eating or sleeping. But once you don't inhale, it feels like you have a bad cold and you have no energy.

Just like that, she became addicted to drugs.

She did not dare to tell her husband about her drug use, but she was discovered later. She was pregnant during

. Although the couple both wanted a child, the child was aborted because the mother was addicted to drugs and feared that the child would develop malformations.

In the end, her husband simply divorced her.

After the divorce, she went to a detention center because of drug abuse. After she came out, she also fell in love, but as soon as she mentioned that she had taken drugs, the man immediately broke up with her.

To hurt yourself because you want to save someone's feelings is simply putting the cart before the horse.

But she probably doesn’t know that people who still love you will not stop loving you just because you are fat, let alone fall in love with you again just because you become thinner.

If love changes because of appearance, it is not true love.

For this kind of love, he would not hesitate to take risks, and the gain would not be worth the loss.

03

Jiang Fangzhou has a saying:

"People who can truly appreciate you will always appreciate your proud appearance, not your pretending to be humble and lovable."

The humbler you are, the more you will look like in front of the other person. Without a bottom line of self, it will only make people look down upon you more and more.

This principle applies not only to the relationship between men and women, but also to all kinds of interpersonal relationships.

It’s okay to be “annoying” sometimes.

As stated in the book "The Courage to Be Hated":

"Each of us has our own special value and mission. You don't need to please anyone, but you need the courage to be hated. After all, The multifaceted nature of life must be accomplished by yourself.

In the process of being disliked, you may lose something, but you can gain true freedom.

Because you will pay more attention to the 'now' you. Live seriously in the present every day . "

Two suggestions for you who want to love yourself more:

① Keep the psychological boundary

The psychological boundary is a circle we draw around ourselves. Inside the circle is the inner world, and outside the circle is the outer world.

You can understand it as the psychological "skin". Outside the boundary is the evaluation, expectations and requirements of others, and inside is the self.

If a person's boundaries are eroded by the outside world for a long time, the self will naturally be hurt.

For example, if a person is fat, he is always laughed at by others for his figure.

Weight and attitude in the face of ridicule can be gradually controlled, but the behavior of others ridiculing is often uncontrollable.

If you don’t like being laughed at, you can choose to lose weight, or you can choose to leave the person who laughs.

No matter which solution, the key point is: know what can be controlled and what cannot be controlled, give up the parts that cannot be controlled, and focus on the parts that can be controlled.

Psychologist Frank, his parents, wife, and brothers all died at the hands of the Nazis, and he himself was tortured.

In the concentration camp, although the situation was extremely bad and his life was in danger at any time, he suddenly realized that he had the freedom to choose his attitude.

As a result, Frank was able to remain optimistic and finally walked out of the concentration camp alive.

In Frank, we can see the role of healthy psychological boundaries:

incorporates attitude choices into controllable areas within psychological boundaries. On the contrary, if he thinks that he cannot control his attitude and can only be pessimistic, and places his attitude choice in an uncontrollable area outside the psychological boundary, Frank will be resentful and helpless, making it difficult to survive the difficult days in the concentration camp.

If emotions are projected into uncontrollable areas outside the psychological boundaries, suffering will often occur.

For example, if you project your emotions on other people's ridicule in an attempt to erase other people's ridicule, this is usually difficult to control, and you will suffer and have various negative emotions.

Therefore, each of us must have clear and healthy psychological boundaries.

② Avoid pleasing syndrome

To put it simply, you are not being a good person.

Confucius said: "The countryside is the thief of virtue."

The reason why good gentlemen are considered a moral scourge is because they do not treat themselves and others fairly.

The entry "Pleasing Disorder" in Jingdujun's Lifelong Growth Dictionary says: When interacting with others, do not be servile to the other person at the beginning and use a low profile to blindly satisfy the other person's requirements. Instead, you should show the real person with flaws and shortcomings. of myself.

You have to take yourself seriously first before others will take you seriously.

If you are too talkative from the beginning, agree to everything, give everything, and forgive any mistakes, the other party’s psychological expectations of you will be too high, and no matter what you do, the other party will take it for granted. .

The starting point of the good old man may be to be valued and affirmed, but in the end he is despised and denied.

Just like in " The Life of the Disliked Songzi ", Songzi seems to be despised all her life, but she always keeps giving, but her efforts are never rewarded.

Songzi has been short of love and wanted love all his life, but he can't get it.

She seems to have forgotten that she can still love herself.

There is a passage in the Japanese drama "The Courage to Be Hated" that says it very well:

"It is actually very simple to live in this world and try not to be hated by others. Because you only need to disguise yourself, compromise, and Just give up.

However, it is difficult to stick to your own path in life knowing that you will be hated.

Face your own heart, don't care about their opinions, and never make up lies. It is estimated that many people cannot persist for even one day.

However, we must have the courage to practice this kind of life, which is also the courage to achieve happiness.

Let’s encourage each other.