1. After her sister-in-law was dumped by her rich second-generation boyfriend, she received a compensation of 800,000 yuan. When she got home from get off work today, she shouted happily as soon as she entered the door: I just met my ex-boyfriend on the road. After breaking up wi

1. My sister-in-law was dumped by her rich second-generation boyfriend and received a compensation of 800,000 yuan. When she got home from get off work today, she shouted happily as soon as she entered the door: I just met my ex-boyfriend on the road. After breaking up with me, he found a very ugly girlfriend with a flat nose, small eyes, and freckles on her face. The two of them were embarrassed to go shopping with their hands, haha! ! The 6-year-old baby daughter said seriously: Auntie, he would rather find someone so ugly than you. Why are you happy? ? My sister-in-law was stunned for a long time and cried out, and she couldn't even coax her! !

2. My wife’s best friend is kindergarten teacher . She came to her house for dinner that night, which made her daughter laugh and took her to buy a few rag dolls. The relationship between the two was warmer than that of the mother and daughter. During the meal, my daughter whispered to me, Dad, you should marry my aunt too! Maybe the sound was a bit loud, and my foot under the table was kicked several times! I could only say silently in my heart: Child, you said what your father said, but I have the heart but not the strength. I am afraid of your mother!

3.Xiao Ming Take out a pear from the bag and put it into your mouth before washing it. Mom: If you don’t wash it, eat it, be careful that you will eat the insects! Xiao Ming: Why do you need me to pay attention? It should be careful that I am!

4. I am not happy because I am temporarily full of fighting spirit and often eat and wait for death. I don’t want to live like this, but I can’t change it. I want to be as lazy as a pig, but I can’t be as lazy as a pig!

5. In the past, I often bullied Xiaohua. One day, her father came to give her an umbrella, saw her father's bald tattoo, and asked her, "What is your dad doing?" She said, "The drug sells!" Later, she didn't bully her, until one day, I saw her father selling rat poison on the street. . .

6. Yesterday, I was in class and suddenly received a call from my dad: "Daughter, hurry up and go home. Something happened to your brother." I panicked as soon as I heard this, so I asked for a leave and rushed home. When I got home, I saw my mother sitting on the sofa. I asked my dad what was wrong? My father said, "Your brother deleted your mother's game, your mother has played 500 levels."

7. After graduating from the health school, my sister-in-law went to Korea for plastic surgery and came back to work as an anchor. Recently, in order to increase popularity, my sister-in-law has been preparing to participate in " China's Voice " and practices singing at home every day. I was singing happily last night and found that the dog next door was barking. My sister-in-law said to the neighbor: Brother, can you stop letting your dog bark? Neighbor: As long as you don’t sing, it stops calling, it thinks you are responding to it.

8. It was very cold recently. I complained to my wife that winter is not good at all. My wife said: Winter is still beneficial! I asked: What are the benefits? My body was numb all day long! My wife slapped me and said: Do you feel that it hurts less than before? I touched my face and said: It seems to be true!

9. After get off work, I bought a bottle of Moutai for my father. When I got home, my father couldn't help it. He secretly took a few sips and looked back to see if my mother was angry. I laughed at my dad for being afraid of his wife. Dad said disdainfully: Believe it or not, I will dare to slap your mother now! I looked at him with doubt! He calmly found a fan and respectfully fanned his mother...

10. A few days ago, I bought a set of sound cards online. Today I arrived. I sang at home in the evening. When I was singing to the climax part, my neighbors came to knock on the door. As soon as the door opened, he raised his thumbs up: "You sang the song just now, it sounds so nice." I waved my hand modestly: "It's not good or bad." He punched him in a combination: "I know it doesn't sound good, you still sing it?"?

11. A salesman came to our company office to promote the loudspeaker. We don't want it, so the salesman stood at the door and refused to leave. At this time, colleague Xiao Wang said: If you don’t leave, we will call the security guard to see you off! The salesman quickly said: The security guard is downstairs, you can’t hear it, buy a loudspeaker and shout!

12. A friend who grew up together was very nice to her. I envied her very much, but my friends never cherished her. I really couldn't stand it anymore, so I said to my friend: Please cherish the person who is good to you, otherwise if you miss this one, I don't know when I will meet another blind person again.

13. Before going to bed at night, the mother asked her son: Have you taken a shower? The son said: Washed. Mom suspected: Then why are the bath towels dry? The son said: Do you believe in the son who is related to you or the towel that has no blood relationship with you?

14. Every night I hear roommates calling and often can’t sleep, so I pretended to be asleep and had nightmares. I shouted out that she was so scared that she could no longer sleep! Very good way!

15. When I got home tonight, my mother looked mysterious. She quietly pulled me into the bedroom, closed the door and pointed to the photo on the phone and asked me, "Daughter, how about this man, with thick eyebrows and big eyes, clean and neat, graduated from a key university, my dad is also running a company!" I looked through a few photos, and it was really the type I like, and said, "Mom, I think it's pretty good!" My mom nodded with a smile, "That's the decision, introduce it to your sister!"

16. The poster: I just started working, and my monthly salary is only more than 1,000 yuan. Can you ask, what kind of car is suitable for me to buy? As a result, someone replied below: Buy a pair of chess, there are four cars, and there are , Mercedes-Benz, !

17. My brother-in-law is the chef of in Michelin restaurant. I often go to his house for free. Today, I was greedy again, so I called my sister and said that I missed her a little, and asked her to go downstairs to help me open the door. Before the phone was hung up, I heard my sister shouting on the other end of the phone: Husband, my little sister is coming to our house for dinner today. You should quickly change the rice cooker at home to the larger one. Remember to add more rice, otherwise we will have nothing to eat.

18. The first time I went out with my boyfriend to check, the guy squatted and didn't dare to say anything. He was so angry that he said to me: "This is not a prostitution, what are you afraid of?" As a result, the police uncle was very friendly and said to me: "Girl, if this kid treats you badly in the future, tell me, I will cut him to death." Later I found out that it was my boyfriend's father, so I'll take it aside. How can I meet my parents-in-law in the future??

19. My phone has been used for too long, and the earpiece is covered with dust, and I want to clean it up. When I got home, I said to my wife, "My cell phone answered the phone and it's time to wash it." Then I put my phone on the table and went to the bathroom! ! ! I never expected that all this was remembered by my sensible son! ! ! When I came out of the bathroom, my son happily took the phone out of the basin and handed it to my son and said, "Dad, I'll wash your phone for you." Looking at my son's happy and expectant praise expression, I almost cried out! ! !

20. My birthday is today. When my husband came home from get off work in the evening, he didn't see my gift. I angrily said, "I'm having my birthday today!" He braved the sweat , and then calmly said, "Hmph, I knew it long ago!" I stretched out my hand and said, "Where is the gift? Don't tell me you didn't buy it!" He pinched my face: "Of course I bought it! Close your eyes first!" I snorted, counting you as you knew it, and then closed your eyes. The security door "bang!" and he ran away!