1. The mantis catches the cicada, Nuwa catches the sky, the dead sheep catches the prison, and the strong points catch the weak points. These are the four famous catches in history. 2. My wife called me: Honey, it’s time to eat. I went to the kitchen and saw that there was nothin

1. The mantis catches the cicada, Nuwa catches the sky, the dead sheep catches the prison, and the strong points catch the weak points. These are the four famous catchers in history.

2. My wife called me: Honey, it’s time to eat.

I went to the kitchen and saw that there was nothing. I said, "There is nothing. What are we going to eat?"

Wife: Why should I call you when we have food? Do it quickly! Hungry!

3. Once upon a time, there was a man who had a corn. He had been trying to find a good treatment method to solve the corn, and then he became cross-eyed .

4. Husband: "Honey, tell the truth, did you marry me because I'm good-looking?"

Wife: "Are you good-looking? What's so good about you?"

Husband: "Why don't you admit it? Yesterday You’re still praising me.”

Wife: “When did I praise you yesterday?”

Husband: “You said I didn’t like it, didn’t you praise me for my good looks?”

5. Foreigners with a sense of humor are being praised. When asked "Which onion do you think of me?", they will respond cheerfully: "onion".

6. What is it like to have a sensible younger brother?

He said to me: "Sister, when I grow up, I will make money to give you plastic surgery!"

7. If I win five million, I will definitely donate all the money to my own account.

8. I bought ice cream for my three-year-old daughter, but I was afraid that she would eat too much and have diarrhea . I said, "Mom, take a bite."

In the end, I took a big bite of half of it. Because it was too cold, I fanned my daughter with my hands. Said: "If you eat such a big mouthful, I will burn you to death!"

9. One day I was lying on the sofa watching TV.

The son said: Dad, let’s play the game of police catching criminals!

me: Okay!

I saw my son picking up the toy gun : Don’t move, raise your hands! The daughter came over and started searching me.

In the blink of an eye, the only twenty yuan in his pocket was taken out. Before I could say anything, the two of them turned around and ran away.

10. My boyfriend came to my house for dinner, and my nephew secretly said to me: "Auntie, your boyfriend is not as handsome as the one who came last time."

I said, "This is the one who came last time!"

My nephew slapped me The head said: "Oh my God! This time he didn't hold the Want Want Gift Package in his hand, I couldn't recognize him!"

11. Most women are diligently taking care of their skin and staying up late.

12.What kind of man is the cutest?

A person who is greedy for money, has good taste, is knowledgeable and knowledgeable, has an addiction to reading, drinks a lot, and jokes a lot; can withstand temptations and endure loneliness; does not cause trouble when nothing happens, and is not afraid of trouble when things happen; he is upright outside and accepts being beaten at home. .

13. The so-called confession is nothing more than holding an apple in your pocket and asking the other person if he likes apples, and the other person likes oranges, , pear, , kiwi, pineapple, strawberry, etc. There are N possibilities. This situation depends on luck. But some people are different! What they carry in their pockets are gold bars.

14. After the teacher finished the lesson, he said: Is there anything else you don’t understand? A classmate stretched his waist and said: Teacher, what is this class?

15. A friend once made an appointment with a girl he had loved for a long time and was going to confess to her. The two of them sat in silence for a long time before he plucked up the courage to say to the girl: "Do you have a boyfriend?"

The girl shyly replied: "Not yet."

He was ecstatic: "Then can you be my boyfriend? ?”

16. The QQ administrator is still kind to me and gives me a cake when I know it’s my birthday.

17. The physics teacher drags the class almost every time, which makes the students very annoyed. On this day, she came into class holding a stack of test papers and said: Don't worry, I won't be procrastinating in class today.

18. In class, the teacher is guiding students to solve application problems.

Teacher: "The school spent 60 yuan to buy chalk. Each box of chalk is 2 yuan. How many boxes of chalk did the school buy?"

student: "30 boxes."

teacher: "How did these 30 boxes of chalk come from? "

student: "Bought it! "

19. Ming said to his deskmate: "Yesterday, I only wrote one wrong word in my composition, and my dad beat me up severely! "

my deskmate asked in surprise: "Which word? "

Xiao Ming said: "Isn't it just to write the ancestors and ancestors as bad ancestors and bad ancestors?

20. The little girl pointed to the old people doing morning exercises and asked: Why can they come to the park to play every day?

Grandma: Because they are retirees.

One day, the father asked his daughter: What will you be when you grow up?

Little girl: Retirees.