Recently, I saw a short video online about a woman preparing to have hot pot with her family.
She was excited and boiled soup and bought vegetables and washed vegetables. She prepared for four hours in total, and the table of dishes was filled. After everything worked, she was waiting for her husband to come back and eat together.
As a result, after my husband came back, he didn't say a word, and cooked a bowl of white water noodles without saying a word, and finished it silently, which made the lady feel cold.
Later Ms. said that maybe her husband just doesn’t like to eat hot pot, and her tone is full of grief and sadness.
Netizens were also furious, some said: Isn’t this cold violence? Why keep this man?
Some people also say: This man is deliberately ignoring your efforts and competing with you. What annoys you.
The video does not give much information, only this lady's one-sided statement is. No one knows whether it is a man's cold violence or a competition with a woman, but the lady's reaction is actually very inspiring to us.
According to this lady, if she knows that her husband doesn’t like hot pot and likes to cook noodles in white water, why does it take four hours to prepare a table that big?
Is it not good to let my husband eat noodles in white water?
Some people may say that maybe she just wanted to make a sumptuous dinner for the whole family. She didn't know that her husband would shy his face and said he wouldn't eat it.
What can I do when encountering a man who can’t communicate, just do whatever he wants, express his negative emotions at will, and will be cold and violent to the other party anytime and anywhere. What can I do? There is an assumption behind this question of
, which is to assume that the partner has a remote control that controls our emotions.
If the other party turns on the remote control and shows a happy appearance, we will be happy. If the other party turns off the remote control, does not cooperate with us, does not buy it, and shys his face, we will be depressed.
Theoretically, we have two ways to deal with it.
first, directly change the other party, whether it is to roll around or act cute, let the other party stop shaking his face, don’t be emotional, and change from low emotional intelligence to high emotional intelligence, and cooperate with all your words and deeds.
Second, countless people have also proved with their personal experiences how difficult it is to change a partner.
If we get married after a while, we will find out that the other person is such a person, just ignore our efforts.
When we prepare a large pot of hot pot, he insists on eating white water to boil noodles. He may shy his face and be cold and violent at any time;
It is unlikely that he will leave this person soon due to a child or other complicated reasons. What else can we do?
Distinguish what is your own business and what is the other person's business
In the classic psychology book "The Courage of Being Hate", there is an important theory.
If you feel depressed and uncomfortable in the relationship, you may not be able to tell which ones are your own topics and which ones are the other party’s topics.
Separating these topics can effectively alleviate our contradictions in relationships. This way of dealing with contradictions is also called "project separation".
Specifically, for example, the lady above, she cooked a large table of food but her husband didn't eat it, then she must first figure out what is her own topic, that is, her own business.
Fill yourself with your stomach and eat happily. This is indeed her business. If you have children, it is also her business to take good care of the children.
An adult who has hands and feet, is it not her business whether he eats happily or comfortably.
This wife has completed her task by cooking the meal and eating and drinking for herself and the children.
As for whether her husband will eat it or not, this is just her wish. It would be great if it comes true. But if it cannot come true, it actually has no real impact on her.
Whether her husband is cold-blooded or black-faced will not directly affect the taste of the food. Even without her husband, the portions of the food will be more substantial, and she and her children can eat more happily.
She regards whether her husband eats happily or not as her own task and responsibility, which makes her passive and gives up the switch of her emotions to her husband.
At the same time, if she is very persistent and wants her husband to cooperate and eat well, it is actually a kind of coercion:
Look, I have worked so hard to prepare such a table of dishes. If you don't eat it, you don't give me face, and you don't value my efforts.
This is also an invisible pressure for her husband.
Eating itself is a thing worth enjoying. If it becomes a battlefield and I have to ask you to cooperate with me or I to surrender to you, then what's the point?
When the other person gets emotional, talk about it as it is and don't make things more dramatic.
There are many women who easily have random thoughts when they feel that the other person is treating them carelessly.
Especially some men who talk little and don’t like to communicate. They don’t know how to express themselves and don’t know how to say anything, so they can only respond with silence.
At this time, a woman can easily think that the other person is cold-violating her, and then she thinks too much, making the relationship more and more rigid.
A friend once complained to me in tears, saying that her husband was extremely cold and indifferent to others.
asked why. She said that one day it was very cold and the two of them went out to watch a movie together. The movie theater was not far away, so she didn't wear much.
It turned out that she just complained: "It's so cold, and I wear too little." She wanted the other party to hold her hand and be coquettish, but her husband actually said: "It's really cold, why don't you stop watching and go home."
My friend was so angry that he almost burst into tears, and he thought about all kinds of painful scenes in his mind.
I thought for a while: Did he have a problem with me today and didn’t want to see it, so he took this opportunity to stimulate me?
After a while, I thought again: He doesn’t actually love me anymore. He doesn’t want to watch it with me. He definitely wants to watch it with Xiao Li from his company...
Whether her husband has changed his heart, is still emotional, or is just a straight man, just following her words, no one knows, because everything is her guess.
Since her husband’s answer dissatisfied her, she still wanted to continue watching the movie, so she explained clearly to him directly: “It’s not that I don’t want to watch the movie, I just want you to hold my hand.” Isn’t that the end?
Adding too many dramas will not only increase misunderstandings and aggravate your victim mentality, but it will not help improve the relationship, and will make you indulge in sad emotions and be unable to extricate yourself.
Find ways to make yourself happy
It is true that having a positive partner in a relationship can drive you to be happy, which is of course something that people yearn for.
If the other person really can’t help you, it means the negative energy is overwhelming. Another simple and effective way is to stop placing your happiness on the other person and think more about what you can do to be happy.
For example, when the woman in the above article had already happened, her husband just didn't eat her hot pot and insisted on eating boiled noodles in plain water. What else can she do to make herself happier?
She can eat with her children, and even if she can't finish her meal, she can ask her friends to come to her house to eat. She can also have some drinks and fruits after meals, and she can go out for a walk and watch a movie after she finishes her meal... There are so many ways to make herself happy.
When she happily does her small things right now, the other party may also be infected by her. Joining it, she found that eating hot pot is a happy thing.
Even if the other party does not respond, it doesn’t matter. Such a beautiful hot pot is the other party’s loss. Why are you in a hurry?
I have heard of many stories about wives being treated coldly by men after marriage, and even men going to take care of mistresses.
And those women who focus on themselves, strive to develop themselves desperately, and try every means to make themselves happy, eventually stepping out of the quagmire of feelings.
Whether they divorce or not, they will live their lives vividly.
It is very difficult to control one's own destiny. In fact, to be precise, it is to control one's own emotions.
At any time, in any situation, when you take good care of your emotions and are not kidnapped by the other party’s reaction, you are free.
When a woman realizes emotional freedom, she will grow a lot of wisdom and courage to change.
A man can no longer control her. Only then can she truly take the initiative, control her own destiny, and her life can also move towards true freedom.
Author | Shushui Therapist, has the qualification certificate of psychological counselor of the Chinese Academy of Sciences and the IHNMA International Hypnosis Teacher Certificate, committed to exploring the depth and greatness of human nature.
The illustrations of this article, any website, newspaper, television station, company, organization or individual, shall not be used in part or in whole without authorization.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-