Original illustration: Meow Meow Xia, narrated: Anonymous, female
01
I have always heard that many couples parted on the day their children received their college notice.
However, our family just happened to be the opposite. Just yesterday, Liu Yan moved out.
We temporarily separated and reached an oral agreement: we will get together again when our son is admitted to college.
And everything is really a last resort, and there is no way.
02
In fact, my marriage with Liu Yan has no faults.
Two people started from scratch in second-tier cities, and now we have a house, a car and a little mortgage. We really work hard.
And Liu Yan, both at work and in life, is a person who can endure hardships, be attentive and considerate.
Martial wife has been together for many years, but we have no overnight revenge.
Basically, it says wherever it is.
And he belongs to the type that says anything when you are dissatisfied with anything, and after you finish speaking, your anger will disappear.
is also the kind of person who will turn around and cook when it comes to mealtime and advises you to have a good meal.
So, our relationship has always been good.
03
Perhaps, life does not have everything going well.
In our family, the relationship between husband and wife has always been good, but the relationship between father and son is getting worse and worse.
Before my son Dayang went to junior high school, their relationship could only be said to be just a do-it-all.
Liu Yan is a salesman and is very busy at work, so I take care of my son more often.
He rests occasionally and prefers to pull the ocean to the outdoors.
But Dayang is a quiet child who likes to draw, watch anime, play cards, and compete in Lego.
For this reason, the father and son have had many unhappiness.
Liu Yan feels that boys must run in nature and must have a decent sports hobby.
So, he insisted on signing up for the Ocean to basketball class.
Results, every time I go to training, Dayang is cheating.
Moreover, he really has no athletic talent. After seven or eight classes, he still belongs to the kind of bench type player who can sit and never stand, and never run.
Every class will be scolded by the coach in various ways.
I was sitting next to me watching, and I was so embarrassed.
Occasionally, Liu Yan took a break and took Dayang to basketball class. He had an unpleasant thing before leaving the house.
It was a long time to delay, pouting throughout the whole process, and he made a lot of noise when he arrived on the court.
Every time he takes him to a basketball class, Liu Yan is so angry that he can't eat.
There were several times when he couldn't suppress his anger. He beat Dayang directly in front of the coach and classmates on the basketball court.
04
Basketball class has become a prop for a bad relationship between father and son.
So, I discussed with Liu Yan privately, or I would stop basketball class. Dayang is really not that material.
However, Liu Yan felt that I was too spoiled by the child, and he also said that Dayang was not diligent and lazy and casual.
Because of learning basketball, no one of the three of them is happy.
In the end, Dayang was deliberately injured twice, forcing us to terminate basketball training.
This incident became one of the evidence that Liu Yan criticized Dayang every time. Shortly after the basketball class was suspended, Liu Yan signed up for the table tennis class to Dayang again.
The process is the same as basketball, and the ocean is not violent and does not cooperate.
For this reason, Liu Yan beat and scolded, but Dayang later learned a trick: If you asked me to go to class, I wouldn't argue with you, but when I went, I was passive and lazy.
In the end, we all chose to give up.
05
From then on, every time I had a headache and had a fever, I bought medicine and went to the hospital in various places. Liu Yan was anxious, but he was not forgiven at all.
On the one hand, I blamed me for not letting him insist on exercising, and on the other hand, I scolded Dayang for not loving exercise, which led to such colds every three days and diarrhea every five days. There are many such situations, and every time Liu Yan talks about Dayang, he starts to cover his ears. The move of
made Liu Yan very angry. All the accounts for the first three years and the next five years were revealed, and all kinds of negative reviews were made.
So, every time he said he was going on a business trip, Dayang was very happy.
06
After basketball and table tennis failed to successfully persist, Liu Yan solicited Dayang's opinion: "What do you want to learn?"
Dayang thought for a long time and finally chose to draw.
So, I signed up for class and took classes.
However, after persisting for less than two months, Dayang, who originally liked painting, began to dislike it.
When I was going to class on the weekend, I said my stomach hurts, and then I said I had too much homework and couldn’t be busy.
Now, Liu Yan became even more popular. He put down his words: "You choose to draw yourself. You have to draw, and you have to draw if you don't draw."
When Liu Yan was really angry, Dayang was also afraid.
So, there was no mention of not going to take the painting class.
However, the listening effect is very poor, and he makes trouble from time to time, and is often complained by teachers.
Finally, he was persuaded to leave by the teacher of the painting class.
People refunded the tuition to me, saying that they didn't want to waste their children's time. The incident of
made Liu Yan extremely disappointed with the ocean.
He said that if a person does not know how to persevere in anything, he will retreat when he sees difficulties, and he will be destined to achieve nothing in his life.
07
In elementary school, Dayang and his father were very distant.
Many times, if Liu Yan took him out alone, he would not agree at all.
The father and son are rarely as intimate as other people's father and son, talking and laughing, like brothers.
is often the case, if Liu Yan is at home, Dayang will lock himself in the room and try to minimize living with him.
So, sometimes I persuade Liu Yan to accompany him more and cultivate the relationship between father and son.
However, Liu Yan was also complaining: "I want to train him, but people ignore me."
I said: "You are an adult. As a father, you should take a step first to guide him."
Liu Yan also tried it, such as taking the ocean to run in the morning.
However, Dayang either does not get up or is forced to get up, and he is lazy throughout the whole process.
Finally, the sport ended in failure.
Of course, Liu Yan also tried to accompany him to study and tutor Dayang for homework.
However, peace only lasts three seconds.
Liu Yan's comment to Dayang was: lazy, lack of vision, low emotional intelligence, and impatience in doing things.
He once said to me in a very low mood: "This kind of boy will come to society and will be nothing."
08
Of course, I know the shortcomings of Dayang.
But, as a mother, can I give up on him because of his shortcomings?
Many times, since Liu Yan sang a black face, I will play white face , with all kinds of encouragement, companionship, and acting as a peacemaker between father and son.
However, after persuading him, Liu Yan concluded that you are accustomed to the problem of Dayang.
I tried to reason with Liu Yan. A child who is always criticized by his father is easily given up on himself.
But Liu Yan doesn't think so. He thinks he has always been strict. It is my tenderness that makes the ocean become a clump.
When we were in the fifth grade of Dayang Primary School, our family of three went out to play.
As a result, the father and son started to quarrel in a disagreement.
Dayang didn't contradict her father, but the car happened to be driving on the bridge waiting for the traffic lights.Dayang opened the car door without saying a word.
I was so scared at that time, afraid that the ocean would jump into the river like the children mentioned in the news.
So, I chased him out like crazy and dragged him back to the car desperately.
This move became the crime that Liu Yan condemned me every time.
He said that being mean is like killing a child. It is because of my soft heart and indulgence that Dayang is fearless and has a bad habit, and he is not obeyed.
Because of this, Liu Yan began to blame him: "In my opinion, even if he wants to die, don't stop him. Do you think he dares? But you are so crazy that he is afraid of losing him, which will only make him worse and not take his parents' words to heart. I understand now that this child is spoiled by you." After
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3 After I hit there, Liu Yan and I quarreled a lot because of the child's affairs.
Because as long as he finds a little problem with Dayang, he will magnify infinitely and then take his anger on me. In such a state as
, it reaches its peak in junior high school as the ocean enters junior high school. The ocean during adolescence is no longer afraid of Liu Yan's fist.
When his father wanted to beat him because of various reasons such as his studies and poor grades, he went forward provocatively: "Come on, hit me, hit me as soon as you go. If you don't beat me to death, it's not my dad."
Of course, Liu Yan couldn't beat his son to death, but the furniture at home was affected.
smashed the coffee table today and kicked the fish tank tomorrow.
I advise Liu Yan not to get angry with adolescent children and be reasonable in everything.
But, he asked me, "Aren't puberty children human? Spoiling children is like killing children, so you can continue to make excuses for them."
10
, I was careful to do my son's work.
Tell him about his father’s hard work and his efforts to this family.
When he was a child, he could still listen.
But when he was in junior high school, he would say to him, "Who doesn't work hard? Isn't it hard for me to study? He has disliked me since he was a child and criticized me every day. He doesn't like me, but I don't like him."
Really, there are two men in the family who don't meet, but when they meet, they will be two gunpowder barrels that explode at any time.
Dayang's grades were still mid-level, but when he arrived in junior high school, he showed his timidity and often failed in mathematics.
So we dieted and gave him various tutoring lessons.
We never feel sorry for spending money on his studies.
In order to make money, Liu Yan worked harder than before. The epidemic was so serious and his business trip was blocked layer by layer. So he drove all the way to sales.
He stayed in the car.
However, such efforts have not received the corresponding reward.
Dayang has been frequently complained by teachers to play with mobile phones in class after class, but failed to finish reciting, copied corners, and whether math failed or failed.
11
For this reason, Liu Yan once withdrew from the class group.
He couldn't stand his life and made money outside, but his son started to show off his bad luck and always appeared on the list of criticized by the teacher.
Once he came back from a business trip, he was very tired after driving for more than ten hours, so he asked Dayang to help him soak his feet.
As a result, the ocean didn't move, saying that he had to learn.
So, Liu Yan broke out.
He counted all the hardships he endured in his work and was committed to his incompetence and unfiliality.
However, he didn't expect that Dayang was not only unmoved, but instead said, "You lived hard because you were incompetent and incompetent."
Liu Yan was completely angry and poured a basin of foot washing water on Dayang from top to bottom.
Dayang, I didn't care at all, I grabbed the basin from Liu Yan's hand and broke it.
Liu Yan lost control and rushed into the kitchen to get the "tools".
I held him to death and cried and begged to let Dayang go back to his room.
12
That night, after the ocean fell asleep, Liu Yan covered himself in the quilt and cried.
He said he was too tired, he said he was particularly disappointed and felt that life was not going to be successful.
He said he couldn't figure out why he was thrifty and self-disciplined, so why did the children he gave birth to are so bastard?
He said he was particularly afraid of discussing children with friends and colleagues, and always felt that he was a dwarf in this regard.
He said that what defeated a middle-aged man was not the customer's eyes or the routine in the workplace, but the fact that he had a child who was not good at home.
He said that he had been driving on the highway several times. When he thought of his son, he wanted to rush out of the guardrail. If he died, he would die...
That night, we both couldn't sleep all night, surrounded by deep helplessness and despair, and could not find a way out.
13
Since the official breakup that day, Dayang has become even worse towards his father.
It’s okay if Liu Yan is not at home, he can still complete his homework on time and help me with housework.
However, if Liu Yan was at home, he deliberately did not complete his homework and would make something to provoke from time to time.
I convinced and educated him, but he couldn't listen at all: "Didn't he dislike me, then I'll make him dislike me a little more."
Really, the father and son's state of about to break out really made me nervous and anxious.
14
Just a few days ago, after a big fight, Dayang ran away from home.
lives at a classmate's house and refuses to come back. He also said to me, "This family has him or not, and I or not."
I went to persuade Liu Yan not to confront the adolescent children head-on. He tried it, but when he saw Dayang, he couldn't control his temper.
Many times, they quarrel and I say a little, and the war will instantly attract me.
So, the battle between father and son became a battle between husband and wife again.
15
I came up with it.
Because Dayang clearly told me that as soon as he saw that man (he has not called Liu Yan dad for a long time), he wanted to live in bad ways, and he wanted to take revenge on him.
And Liu Yan also told me that if he stayed under the same roof with Dayang, he really didn't know what irrational things he would do.
Palm of the palms and backs of the hands are crying for pain.
What can I do?
So, after thinking about it, I proposed to let Liu Yan leave home.
Perhaps, they also need some distance between them and slowly reconcile with each other over the years. Liu Yan agreed to the decision of
.
He said a lot to me, saying that he is neither a good husband nor a good father.
He promised me that he would submit all his monthly salary and that he would come back as soon as possible if there was anything at home.
He said that he would go home when his son went to college.
16
In short, this is a helpless move.
is even a choice that many people cannot understand and accept.
But, do I have any other way to go?
The one who disagrees with a middle-aged couple is not an affair, not a poor man, but a child. Is
ridiculous? Is it sad?
No one knows how painful it is to pack Liu Yan's luggage and clothes at this moment.
Now, I can only hope that one day, Dayang will understand the difficulty of dad and know that a family cannot be without dad.
What will happen if you experience such pain?
A helpless mother, a sad wife, I really want to hear the opinions and suggestions of all Xiaonian readers.
Thank you.
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