Since doing emotional consultation, I often receive similar consultations:
"I was broken up. I wanted to get back with my ex, but he disagreed. He didn't delete me, and said that he could maintain a friend relationship, but his attitude towards me was neither salty nor light. I felt that he thought of me when he was bored. What should I do? Do I still have to be friends with my ex?"
Do you know what one of the lies in adults in their relationships is?
"After breaking up, you can still be friends."
Never believe this lie to your ex.
is like an adult who said "good night", but met in the game and in the circle of friends;
says "eat together another day", which is far away;
says that he will chat next time, there will be no news.
-01
What does the ex-wives propose to break up and be friends?
First: When he is bored, he can also find you to relieve loneliness
I thought of a case.
A girl has been in love with her first love boyfriend for 3 years, and her boyfriend cheated on him and dumped him.
3 years in love, and only half a year of long-distance relationship, the boy betrayed her feelings, which made her very sad and depressed.
Although she was hurt and broke up, she still couldn't forget the other party in a desperate situation. After the boy separated, he asked, "We can still be friends, right?"
Then, on a business trip, the boy came to the girl's city and asked her to come out to meet her.
This time the meeting completely dispelled the last trace of expectations and fantasies in the girl's heart.
It turns out that the boy’s purpose of looking for her was not to admit his mistake or to redeem it, but to “keep her warmly for a night” with her.
scumbag.
If you are the party who is "breaked up" and the other party asks you to continue to be friends, then it means:
The other party intends to develop you into a "spare tire", and he teases you when he is bored; after using you, throw you in the corner again.
You are the tool for relieving loneliness.
Second: Being friends is a sign of "unwillingness"
Generally speaking, this mentality is a request made by the breakup side actively in the direction of breaking up.
"Can we still be friends?"
"I don't expect to get back together with you, I just want to maintain a friendship with you, can you?"
is very humble, so humble that it is in the dust.
Just like the sentence Zhang Ailing wrote:
"Fall in love with someone, you become very low, low to the dust."
Passionate people are ruthless, and affectionate people are always hurt. This is an eternal truth.
In an intimate relationship, whoever uses the deepest love and who gives the most means that the greater the harm will be caused when breaking up.
There is a "sinking cost" in economics.
The more you invest in something, the less you want to give up.
This is the "gambler psychology".
"It doesn't matter, I can definitely win"
"Stick for a while, maybe I will win"
In the end, I lost thoroughly and lost a lot. The same is true for love. The more you give, the more you can’t let go of your ex.
Want to be friends with your ex is also a way for them to "support their obsessions in their hearts".
3 Third: Even if you break up, you don’t want to “let you go”
Feng Tang wrote this passage in " All Things Grow ":
"I want to use all my charm to make you uneasy in the days without me in the future."
You have broken up, but your ex is entangled in wanting to be friends with you, just to continue to "occupy you".
"Although we broke up, you can't start a new relationship easily"
"Can you start a new relationship? You need my consent to do so"
is like what?
I thought of a joke on Zhihu:
"You have only been pursuing me for half a year, why should you give up? Who told you to fall in love with others?"
You will never think of the brain circuit of these people. Their almost extreme possessiveness will only affect your life.
-02
After breaking up, should you be friends with your ex?
1. When can I be friends?
There are several prerequisites here.
First: Break up peacefully, no insults or insults
Second: The stage of being friends, each other is single
Third: Be able to accept each other's new relationship and watch each other show a new life
Fourth: Don't have too many expectations for each other, won't get back together, won't disturb each other's emotional life
If you can accept all these, then be friends with your ex.
On the contrary, if you cannot accept and cannot do these things, you should not have any connection with your ex.
Someone said: "A qualified ex should disappear from your life."
After all, two people have loved each other deeply and cannot watch each other live so happily in a new relationship.
You will feel a sense of "frustration".
2. Getting together and parting well is the greatest respect for each other
The feelings of adults should not be hesitant and look back.
Everyone should have the mentality and courage to "dare to love and hate".
If you are always immersed in a certain relationship and cannot get out of it, then you will miss the exciting things next;
If you think about your ex all day long, you will also ignore those around you who are truly willing to love you and treat you well.
Tagore has a poem that says:
"If you cry all day because of missing the sun, the stars will leave you."
What is past, let it pass;
What is future, be ready to welcome.
There is no regret after all love, but even if you get back together, you may not be able to really go on.
Today’s topic:
Can you accept “being friends” with your ex?
(Article pictures are from the Internet)
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-