Nowadays, young people always say that they want to live their own lives when they get married, and don’t live under the same roof with their parents.
This idea is very good. Two generations of people are bound to be stumbling when they live together. It is definitely the best for a couple to live independently.
The problem is that under the current social pressure, it is almost impossible to do without parents’ support at all.
When getting married, both parents contribute money and efforts to buy houses and cars, just to reduce the burden on the younger generation;
After giving birth, young people have to go to work, and the elderly have to come to help take care of the children, cook, and clean...
Many times, parents and children are inseparable from each other.
One cannot be truly independent, and the other cannot be truly at ease.
Especially Chinese parents are used to worrying about their children. They work hard without complaints and only seek happiness and health for their children.
But if one day you become someone else's mother-in-law, don't help the children completely according to your own ideas. For the daughter-in-law, no matter how kind the mother-in-law is, there are two kinds of things that cannot be helped. Otherwise, it will not only not be grateful, but it will easily lead to conflicts.
01: Don’t take care of it, work without any sense
After the child gets married, it is equivalent to forming his own small family. As a parent, you must understand your position.
In a family, the mother-in-law is just an elder who comes to help, and the wife is the mistress of the family.
I have heard many family stories and know that there are many elderly people who, after their son gets married, still regard themselves as the mistress of the entire big family and treat their sons and daughters-in-law as children.
In addition to loving to discipline them as an elder, the family affairs are always the same as before, just making decisions without discussing with others.
For example, when mopping the floor, you open the door and enter your son and daughter-in-law's room without permission;
In order to find something, you can turn around your daughter-in-law's cabinet at will;
Take the initiative to wash your son and daughter-in-law's personal clothes;
When doing these things, the elderly think they have no problems, because in the eyes of mother-in-law, this is my family. I did this when my son was not married before, and now there is no problem with getting married.
and it is not intentional, it is all for helping young people more comprehensively. If you have to ask every thing, it is too troublesome and it seems to be apart from it.
But these things are not like this from the perspective of the daughter-in-law.
The daughter-in-law's room is her and her husband's privacy space. If someone is in and out at will, she will definitely feel uncomfortable;
includes her things, and only she has the right to control it. Just imagine, if a person moves your things at will to clean up, will you thank her or will you hate her?
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live under the same roof, and the sense of proportion is the most difficult to control, but this is a compulsory course for getting along with others. Elders live with younger generations and cannot fully follow their own wishes, and they must also know how to respect young people.
02: Don’t interfere with internal conflicts in small families
There are inevitably times when couples get along with each other in a bad mood, quarrel, and Cold War is also normal.
Every couple has their own rhythm and way of getting along, which is their own emotional password, which many times outsiders cannot fully understand.
Some mother-in-law can’t stand the young quarrel. As long as they find that the atmosphere at home is wrong, they can’t help but turn into a mediator and want to make the couple reconcile through their own persuasion.
But this approach is actually useless, and more often it will make the situation worse.
Let the parties involved deal with the matters of a small family by themselves. As a previous generation, the mother-in-law's way of thinking about problems is completely different from that of now, and the solution proposed is not applicable. Moreover, between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the position of the mother-in-law always inadvertently favors their son.
This is human nature, but for the daughter-in-law, she will only feel even more sad. She is not able to directly express dissatisfaction with her elders, but this thorn in her heart will make the relationship between the couple worse.
When facing conflicts between small families, it is best for the mother-in-law not to think about helping to alleviate them. In this case, just treat yourself as blind and deaf, and do not listen, watch or ask.
This way of dealing with it seems indifferent, but it is actually the wisest.
Mother-in-law lives with her son and daughter-in-law, and most of them go to help with kindness. It is difficult for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along with each other. Many places need to pay special attention. When the children are married, we must accept the fact that they have become independent and also accept the fact that they are "outsiders".
Learn to respect. Don’t help what you shouldn’t help, don’t do what you shouldn’t do, don’t work to the end and end up complaining.
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