Click above 1Xinrongyoudao Follow Follow Follow !
Case 1 Case 1 talked with her girlfriend for two and a half years. At first, she took the initiative to treat me well. At first, I had no idea. Even when she touched me, I would deliberately hide for a while. She was unhappy and said that I was hiding from her. Later, she was slowly attracted by her enthusiasm and got together. After I got together, I was anxious and treated her wholeheartedly. If there was something that made her angry, I would also change myself habitually and make her happy. At the beginning, she didn’t ignore others when she was angry, but later she just ignored her for a long time, one day, two days, and one week, and that’s how she ignored her. I kept coaxing her. If I relaxed a little and let him down, she would say, "As long as I don't love her, my love is nothing more than that."
She habitually said that I was very good, she was not worthy of my love, and she was not worthy of my love. The later the angry and ruthless words became heavier and he became stingy in the end. In the end, she would be stingy and said that she was not worthy of my goodness, and she would be used to saying ruthless words and break up. When I was angry, I never said my thoughts. Why did I get angry? Sometimes I guessed for a long time and apologized to her for various reasons, but it was just not good. Unless she was still ruthless in the end and I felt that she was annoyed by me, so I would let go and say her points when I wanted to separate. Then I would show my concern at this time to coax it. The last time I separated, I blocked and deleted it for me, and then added me back half a day later, saying that I was so uncomfortable that I vomited all the food. I asked me a question, and I could feel that she was reluctant to leave, so I made up again.
I have never been willing to spend my money, but she just likes me and loves her, cares about her, and asks me if I would buy it for her if I want to buy it, but I said I would, and I really want to pay for it, she wouldn't do it, and she was very resistant. But I would be unhappy if I didn't buy it. If I bought her a valuable gift, she would find a way to give me a gift of equal value. I only recently learned that she had an ex. She had been hiding it from me, afraid that I would know, and recently quarrel, so I told her that she was actually a married person. They had been together for more than a year. At first, the man kissed her after dinner, but the next day, she was not convinced and wanted to attract this person and dump her again. As a result, she was actually attracted to it, gave her body, and had a tattoo of a man's zodiac sign. Later, the man didn't care about her thoughts, so she felt that she was cheated and she was dirty, so she always said that she was not worthy of me.
She never gave me sex because she didn't want it at critical moments before, so I didn't force it. What I wanted was to respect her. But I was unwilling to accept this ex after knowing this. After all, I had spent more than two years and asked her to give it to me. She seemed even more resistant. I said I would give me a tattoo, but she also disagreed and said that my mother would be angry. After the self-regulation in the past few days, I thought I might need to slowly influence her and give him time. But she said she would never give it to me in her life. If I had a strong sense of need, she would avoid me and would not meet me alone. And I was angry about a little thing recently, and I said that I would just leave whatever I want, and do whatever I like. This attitude, but after a day, she would take the initiative to be kind to me, which made me very conflicted.
Recently, I read the article on Zhihu and learned about the avoidance attachment . Because many of her behaviors are like the feeling of avoidance attachment, I think that what I love is just avoidance attachment, but many people say that she does not love me, she just depends on my goodness, but she just doesn't want to lose a dog licking. So what should I do is torture me recently. Recently, she has also spoken every day. As before, she talks from morning to night. She has all kinds of trivial matters and work, but she can't be unhappy, and she doesn't want to make any requests. If she asks, she will be sensitive and angry.
A few points are added, she usually sincerely reveals her thoughts.
I also suspect that it is not the complete avoidance , because when we were together, we basically talked from morning to night every day, and rarely said there was no topic, and we intentionally distinguished me from other friends, knowing that I had some temper, he dared not touch it. Only when I overexpress my love, I will feel a little resistant. She has always believed that the place is:
1. All love is just a sense of freshness. At the beginning, we said six months, and after more than six months, she said one year, but she would not believe in long-term love anyway. I won't believe that I will always love her.
2. If I get it, I won’t cherish it. She always feels so. Men will not cherish it when they get it. They often say that the reason why I treat him well is just because I want to get her. If I get her, I won’t treat her well.
3. Recently, she quarreled, and she repeatedly said that she had seriously thought about how happy she was with me and how worthy I was, but she said that she had a hurdle in her heart and she could not overcome this hurdle. It was not that I was not worthy of giving or entrusting it, but that was her own problem.
4. She felt that I knew her ugly thing. She had no secret in front of me. She felt that if I knew this, she would dislike her, and would not love her. So she would rather separate first than regret it. One day afterwards, she was separated from her. She was afraid that I would suddenly treat her badly and she would not be able to stand it. She said that if I didn’t know this, she could still be with me. If I knew it, she would not dare to be with me.
Thank you for your trust in Xinrong Youdao Psychological Studio~
Hello, I am so shocked. From your description, you can feel that you have become more and more anxious in this relationship. As long as the other person ignores you, you will become extremely anxious. What are you anxious about is whether your girlfriend is avoidant attachment or dependence or not love? Actually, I think you have subconsciously told your girlfriend that she doesn’t love you so much, but you don’t want to face it. I hope everyone will tell you a different answer~
You have been together for two and a half years in time. Your way of getting along is like a best friend and a good friend is not like a couple in love. You described you talking about everything, but it took you two and a half years to learn that the other party had a married ex. You said you only recently learned that your girlfriend has an ex, and she has been hiding it recently before she told her about it. The ex-boy is a married man. They have been together for more than a year. At first, the man kissed her after dinner, but the next day, it was nothing wrong. My girlfriend was dissatisfied and wanted to attract the person and dump him. As a result, she was actually attracted to him, gave her body, and had a tattoo of a man's zodiac sign.
Here we can simply describe the girl who was deceived by a married scumbag and lost her virginity. Does the girl know that the other party is married? After all, many girls who are inexplicably mistressed are not aware of the other party being married at first, but once they get caught in it, they realize that they are being mistressed. Looking at the girl’s behavior, the girl is not only attracted to give her body, but also tattoos for this man. Friends who have had tattoos know that tattoos are still very painful. It can be seen that the charm of this married man has deeply occupied the girl's heart.
Later, this married man didn't care about girls. The girl was hit hard in love and felt that she was cheated and dirty, so she always said that she was not worthy of her and that she was not worthy of your goodness. This proves that girls have never come out of this psychological trauma, which means they cannot quickly enter the next love. Many people may say that falling in love again can heal your love. However, it is difficult for ordinary people to get out of this kind of trauma. They need to go through psychological counseling professionals to help her clean up these traumas, otherwise the relationship between the protagonist will not go smoothly. The reason why she takes the initiative in your relationship is that she hopes to prove her charm and value by attracting men. She hopes that you can help her heal her, and she also hopes that you can become a spare tire and venting object. But he ignored your feelings. You are not a psychologist or that married man.
You suspect that the other party is an avoidant attachment type. She does see some of the same characteristics as avoidance.This kind of avoidance and repeated temptation is to gain a sense of security with you. The root of avoidance fear is the severe emotional trauma I suffered before.
Trauma made her subconsciously develop a stereotype of men, that is, all love is nothing more than freshness, and she will not believe in long-term love anyway. I won't believe that any man will always love her. Secondly, men will not cherish it when they get it. They often say that the reason why you treat her well is just that you want to get her. If you get it, you will not treat her well. This is the consequence of the traumatic sequelae on the girl, which leads to her worrying about gains and losses in the relationship between the two sides of the sexes and a serious lack of security in her heart~
You describe the recent quarrels and she repeatedly said that she had seriously thought about how happy she was with me and how worthy I was, but she said that she had a hurdle in her heart, and she could not overcome this hurdle. It was not that I was not worth giving or entrusting it, it was her own problem. It proves that the hurdle in her heart is insurmountable, and she really needs the help of professionals. She needs to open the knot in her heart at the moment, otherwise it would be useless to change to any boy to have N kinds of love.
Her feelings are related to inferiority complex : I feel that you know her ugly thing, she has no secret in front of you, she feels that you will definitely dislike her if you know this, and will not love her, so she would rather separate first than want you to regret it and abandon her one day in the future. She is afraid that you will suddenly be bad to her, and she will not be able to stand it. She said that if you don’t know this, she can still be with you. If you know this, she will not dare to be with you. It is proved that she subconsciously does not accept herself, and she particularly dislikes and dislikes the imperfect self who was deceived and lost her body. She believes that these past experiences are her shame and scars! She is afraid that she will suffer even a little harm...
The root cause of the trauma problem lies in the simplicity of girls. If these psychological trauma are not healed, it will affect girls' views on love and marriage. A student case I recently came into contact with is similar to the experience of this girl. She was already divorced when she came to find me. So if you are a warm man, you can keep trying to touch and warm her, but you will be very tired, very tired, exhausted. Therefore, the only way is to let girls face the harm bravely. If the other party allows, they can seek help from professionals.
I wish you a time to get out of the haze and gain happiness! Xinrong Youdao is happy and worry-free~
Follow us
Xinrong Youdao is committed to family therapy, marriage and love emotions and interpersonal communication · Psychological consultation and treatment
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-