[This book has been published by Economic Management Publishing House in August 2021]
Volume 1 on the suitability of behavior
Chapter 1 on the appropriateness
on the fifth section Kind, pleasant and admirable virtues
01 Bystanders try to be sympathetic and considerate of the person’s feelings, and the person tries to suppress their emotions and reduce them to the degree acceptable to the bystanders. These two types are based on sympathy. Empathy, the same below in this paragraph) Different efforts have formed two different types of virtues. The cordial and pleasant virtues of tenderness and consideration, gentleness and courtesy, kindness and friendliness, frankness and humility, tolerance and kindness are based on the former sympathetic endeavor. The admirable virtues of grandeur, bravery, dignity, self-sacrifice, and self-restraint stem from the latter kind of sympathetic effort. It is the efforts of the latter kind of sympathy that allow our various emotions or behaviors dictated by our nature to be appropriately controlled and restrained in various situations, so as to meet the requirements of self-esteem, reputation and appropriate behavior.
02 If a person is compassionate (translation: empathy), then he will fully understand and consider the various feelings of his friends around him, then he will feel sad for the misfortune of his friend, and express indignation for the hurt of his friend , I am happy for the good luck of my friends, and how kind and friendly such a person is! As long as we put ourselves in and imagine the situation of his friends, it is easy to understand the gratitude in the hearts of his friends and feel the comfort they will inevitably get from the considerate care of a close friend. On the contrary, if a person is ruthless, then he only knows to care about himself, then he will be indifferent to the good luck or misfortune of his friends, and how annoying such a person is! Similarly, it is very easy for us to understand the kind of pain that this kind of ruthlessness will inevitably bring to his friends; and what we sympathize most is that when a person encounters misfortune or is hurt, we cannot get the comfort of a friend.
03 On the other hand,If the person involved in the behavior understands self-esteem and self-love and takes into account the feelings of others, he will restrain himself and maintain inner peace when facing difficulties, and will reduce his emotions to the level that others can understand and accept, and how such behaviors are. It's elegant and decent and commendable! Because we not only hate the undisguised and crying sadness, but we also hate the endless tears, sighs, and weeping to gain sympathy. On the contrary, we will admire the kind of restrained sorrow and the kind of magnificent silent grief. We can only learn from his red and swollen eyes, sobbing lips and cheeks, and his seemingly plain but very sad behavior. , Felt the extreme grief in his heart. In the face of such a self-restrained person, we will stand in awe. In front of him, we will be silent and cautious in our words and deeds, and we will be anxious to pay attention to our words and deeds, lest we are a little improper and will disturb him so much. The inner peace that can only be maintained by hard work.
04 By the same token, if a person allows his own anger to break out, this kind of unrestrained anger will appear arrogant and rough, which is extremely disgusting. Conversely, if a person has suffered a great deal of harm, even if he is extremely angry, he can still exercise restraint by referring to the degree of indignation usually aroused in the minds of impartial bystanders; even if it is venting or dissatisfaction in words and gestures, he will not Allow yourself to go beyond the limits of common sense; even if you want to retaliate or impose punishment, the severity will never exceed the level acceptable to any just bystander; he will not even have the idea of doubling revenge ; Then, his restraint of revenge and anger in his heart, as well as the tolerance and generosity he showed at this time, will make us feel sincerely admired.
05 It can be seen that the perfection of human nature lies in caring for others more than oneself, and in overcoming selfishness and being kind. Only in this way can people live in harmony and make people's various emotions and behaviors behave gracefully and decently. Therefore, not only the main purpose of Christianity requires us to "love our neighbor as ourselves", but the main commandment of the Creator also requires us to "love ourselves as our neighbor" or "love ourselves as our counterparts" [1].
[1] Annotation: "To love our neighbor as ourselves" means that we must love others as we love ourselves. "Loving ourselves as loving others" means that we should love ourselves as we love others, or,We should not love ourselves more than we love others. "Love ourselves as others love ourselves" means that we should love ourselves as others might love us, in other words, we should not love ourselves more than others might love us.
06 Just like excellent appreciation and good judgment, they are highly respected, in fact, because very few people have the kind of discernment and keen insight that they require; Therefore, the noble virtues of sympathy and consideration for others and self-restraint are not something ordinary people can possess, and only those with extraordinary conduct can possess it. For example, the cordial and pleasant virtue of benevolence, charity and goodness requires compassion and understanding (translation: empathy), which must far exceed the requirements of rude and secular civilians; the very noble virtue of magnificence requires self-restraint. , Also far exceeds the weak will of ordinary people. Just as mediocre intelligence has no talent at all, so ordinary behavior has no virtue at all. Virtue is an outstanding quality that is noble, beautiful, and absolutely extraordinary, and is much higher than those of vulgar ordinary conduct. It can be seen that those cordial and pleasant virtues lie in its extraordinary thoughtfulness, benevolence and charity, and the amazing ability of sympathy and understanding (translation: empathy) that it exhibits from this; and Those virtues that are extremely admirable are that it has tamed the most difficult passions of human nature beyond imagination, and the amazing self-restraint it exhibits from it.
07 At this point of self-restraint, there is a significant difference between suitability and virtue: those virtues are worthy of admiration and admiration, but those behaviors that only act appropriately are only worthy of admiration. Because in many cases, even the most inconspicuous ordinary person, as long as he has an ordinary level of empathy and understanding (translation: empathy) or self-restraint, it is enough to make his own behavior show the most perfect. Convenience, sometimes even the most common kind of compassion and understanding (translation: empathy) or self-restraint is not required. To give a very simple example, we will eat when we are hungry. This behavior usually seems very reasonable and appropriate, and everyone will agree with it. But if someone thinks that such behavior is also a noble virtue, it would be ridiculous.
08 To give another counter-example, some behaviors, although they do not show the perfect suitability, obviously have a certain element of virtue; because it is difficult for people to be perfect in the face of misfortune. In the most difficult situations, if someone behaves closer to the perfect suitability than usually expected, then his behavior has a virtue element; especially when he needs to exert great self-restraint, then Even more so. In many cases, the test of human nature is so harsh, and even if imperfect creatures like humans exert their self-restraint to the utmost, they cannot completely suppress the weaknesses of human nature, so that we cannot suppress our passion most of the time. Reduce it to the point where a fair bystander can fully accept and consider. It can be seen that in those difficult circumstances, even if the behavior of the unfortunate person does not reach the perfect suitability, it is still worthy of praise, and can even be regarded as a kind of virtue in a certain sense. . Obviously, it is difficult for most people to show that degree of grandeur and self-restraint. Therefore, in such a difficult situation, even if a person's behavior is not perfect, it is closer to that perfection than we usually see or expect.
09 For these kinds of behaviors in difficult situations, people usually use two different standards when judging the extent to which they should be blamed or praised. The first criterion is to see whether the behavior is completely appropriate and extremely perfect. If the first standard is used to judge the performance of those in very difficult situations, then this perfect standard has not only been achieved by no one in the past, but also by no one in the future, so that everyone's behavior is bound to be all Appears flawed and should be blamed. The second criterion is to use the criterion that is close to perfection—that is, the degree that most people can actually achieve as the criterion. If the second criterion is adopted, then any behavior that exceeds this general level, no matter how far away from the standard of absolute perfection, seems to be commendable; of course, any behavior that does not reach this general level seems to be commendable. Be blamed.
10 When people are appreciating works of art that need to be created with the help of imagination, these two different standards are also used.When an art critic is tasting the poems and paintings of other masters, if he adopts the standard of perfection in his heart, what he sees is nothing more than flaws and defects; because anyone's work , Can't reach the perfect standard in his heart. However, if he pays more attention to the artistic status of those poems and paintings in similar works, then he will use the general excellence of this art as the evaluation criterion. Under this new scale, those poetry and painting works are often closer to perfection than most works that can be compared with them. Not only do they appear to be closer to perfection, but they also seem to be worthy of that kind of high praise.
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