asked a question on Zhihu: What moments do you want you to give up most in a long-distance relationship?
has a high praise answer like this:
sees someone else’s boyfriend eating with a girl, and will be sad when she gently lifts her hair; other couples take photos in the circle of friends, and we can only use the video Being in the same frame makes me sad; even seeing other couples arguing can make me sad for a long time...
The common reason for breaking up in long distance relationships:
1. The sense of distance increases and the sense of security decreases.
Long distance relationships are more difficult than ordinary lovers. What I overcome is the powerlessness of being unable to connect to the other party, invisible and intangible, and my heart is always at ease.
Two people in a long-distance relationship can't meet often, and can only maintain communication by phone information.
lacks the real sense of physical touch and cannot bring the satisfaction of a lover. He is obviously in a relationship, but he is used to being alone.
cannot always show affection, nor can he receive timely comfort and caring when he is sick, the insecurity caused by distance increases, and the sense of intimacy fades.
2. There is no intersection in life, and there is no topic in communication. The biggest problem of long-distance relationship is that there is no other party’s participation in the environment where both parties live. The relationship maintained by the virtual network is very fragile, and the lack of intersection in life can easily lead to the exhaustion of topics and trigger the cold war. Even break up.
3. There is no trust, and the inability to communicate effectively
Communication problems are always a big problem in long-distance relationships. Sometimes a toss is just to prove the importance of yourself in the heart of the other person. Whenever you express it sincerely, he always thinks you are making trouble . People in
feelings are especially emotional. Any contradiction will be infinitely magnified, and each other will be full of suspicion, but without formal communication, there will always be one party unreasonable in the communication, and you feel tired and don't want to explain.
So the two sides began a cold war and began to break up. Z1z
has been disappointed for a long time, and the tall building with fragile foundation may collapse when it meets the weight of the last hair.
Faced with the above problems, how should we deal with it to make long-distance relationships less vulnerable?
1. Impromptu sharing
The so-called impromptu sharing is to share the topics you see and think of to each other anytime, anywhere.
For example, if you find a very beautiful leaf on the road, you can take it and send it to the other party. This will create a topic for both parties, and it is equivalent to seeing the scenery together and participating in each other's life.
2. Keep a sense of ritual
consciously record your feelings, such as the time you spend together or the anniversary of your relationship, to deepen the sense of existence of this relationship.
can also customize your exclusive communication methods, such as sending a love story or sharing a joke to each other every day. This sense of ritual will also inject continuous vitality into your feelings.
3. Knowing the difference in thinking
all say that men are from Venus and women are from Mars, especially long-distance couples. This difference will be multiplied countless times.
Give an example: a girl said: "I have come to my aunt, my stomach hurts."
Many boys say: "Drink more hot water."
Don't girls know that drinking hot water works? Of course they know, but what they want is the feeling of being cared for and valued.
But boys are like this. They focus more on solving problems than the cumbersome process. Sometimes he doesn't care about you, but loves in a different way.
So when his answer is not as expected, don't rush to conclusions. Take a step away and return to the main premise of the difference in thinking between men and women. Empathy thinking, maybe you will suddenly become clear.
4. Regarding quarrels
quarrels are inevitable, and the most taboo of long-distance relationships is the cold war. It may be cold one day.
quarrels must be arguing happily, which is cool enough, but you must not personally attack or talk about the breakup, it is really easy to develop bad communication habits. Z1z
quarrels show that you need to understand each other, communicate on the matter and try to seek common ground while reserving differences.
Face the matter of quarrel positively, and understand the quarrel rationally. Quarrel is really nothing, in essenceIt's disagreement, no compromise, no agreement, it's that simple.
But we must remember that quarrels are to solve problems and make relationships better, not to accumulate conflicts and make them a time bomb.
