Author: Zhang Yiao
First published by: Family Magazine (ID: jiatingzazhi)
Last week, we launched a topic collection from readers:
If you meet true love after marriage, should you divorce?
What are you willing to bear for your choice?
In the comment area, most readers chose not to get divorced.
Some people think that the risk of divorce is too great, and they will face great financial and moral difficulties, and they really cannot afford it;
Some people think Some people believe that no matter who you marry, you will eventually have to face a life where passion fades and nothing happens, and true love is no exception;
Some people believe that instead of pursuing so-called true love, it is better to manage your marriage well with your partner and let your partner become true love.
There are also a few people who believe that the reason why they want to divorce after meeting true love is because there are cracks in the marriage that are difficult to repair. Even if they can barely restrain themselves, they will regret it more and more in the days to come.
Therefore, compared to whether to divorce or not, perhaps what we should consider more is what we want.
Behind the change of heart
@黑pineapple
First we need to define true love. I think true love should be like the love parents have for their children, it is unconditional and innate. As for the love between a man and a woman, let alone 100%, at least 99% of it comes with conditions, such as appearance, talent, character, and ability, rather than loving whatever he is.
So whether there is such a thing as true love is itself questionable. Then the question becomes: What should I do if there is someone I like more after marriage? I think there are two situations.
The first is that you have been frustrated in this relationship and really can't survive, but this person just happened to appear, so just leave. Anyway, there will be others without this person;
The second is that your partner is good and there is no problem with the relationship, but you just think the other one is better. This kind of marriage should not be divorced, because love is first come, first served. Coming late is a mistake in itself, and the mistake should not be allowed to get bigger.
@ rare confused
My mother likes to collect glasses. Others like to buy clothes and bags, but she only likes to buy glasses. The cabinets at home are filled with her treasures.
According to my family’s financial conditions, I can actually afford her hobby, but for some reason my dad just doesn’t like it and often scolds her for buying so many cups. One time they had a quarrel, and my father smashed all her glasses. My mother cried while cleaning up the broken glass. They got divorced after that day.
After being divorced for more than a year, my mother remarried. She confessed to me that she actually knew her stepfather before the divorce and was attracted to him, but her words and deeds did not cross the line. She pursued her stepfather only after the divorce.
On the first day we lived together, my stepfather brought a glass cabinet to my mother and said, "You can put the cup in here for display in the future." Every time he went on a business trip, his stepfather would bring her back a new style of glass.
I have thought many times that if my father could tolerate my mother's hobbies and show more care and respect to her, maybe she would not be tempted by her stepfather at all. But no matter what, I am very happy that my mother has found true love, and now she is happy every day.
True love comes first
@ Stall Selling Memories
Since it is said that you meet the love of your life after marriage, then the person who is marrying you now is definitely not true love.It is more or less mixed with external factors or some reasons that cause you to make do with it. It can also be said that you have bowed your head to marriage. It is definitely not happiness from the bottom of your heart.
The ancients said that marriage is not a child's play, and it is even less so now. Obviously, we should pursue a happy marriage.
@ Fear of No Miracles
My first husband was introduced by my family. He was two years older than me. His family background was pretty good, he was hard-working and responsible, but I just couldn’t like him. My family kept telling me that when I got older, I would become an old girl if I didn't get married. I couldn't stand the attacks from my three aunts and my six wives, so I got married.
After two years of marriage, he has been neither salty nor dull. It feels like he has an extra family member. I have no emotional feelings for him and no desire in that regard. It wasn't until I met my second husband that I suddenly came to life. For the first time, I experienced what it was like to have a deer bumping into each other. I missed him when I woke up and missed him in my dreams.
I knew this was wrong and didn’t dare to take any action, but the more I saw my first husband, the more annoyed I became and I couldn’t help but lose my temper. He was also very depressed and didn't know where he offended me. I thought about it for a long time and felt that it would be bad for both of us if we continued like this, so we decided to divorce.
almost married her second husband despite being divorced. At first, he was immersed in love and lived a sweet life every day, but as time went by, his shortcomings were exposed. He spent money lavishly, didn't like to work, and later even cheated on her.
Now I am divorced again and living alone. But I don’t regret it. I would still choose this way again. Maybe I am the legendary “ love brain ”. I feel that I must love once in this life, otherwise I will not know what love is like.
So, if you have fallen in love, live a good life with your current partner and solve problems together; if you have not fallen in love, please boldly pursue your love.
The risk is too high
@金生水起
We met in the children’s training class. We have endless topics to talk about and endless love words. We both thought we had found true love and met our soul mates.
But the reality is that none of us have the courage to bring up the heavy topic of divorce. She has two sons, the younger of whom has just entered kindergarten; I have two children, who have just entered elementary school. In addition, my family is not rich, and she has a stable job, and she does not want to give up each other's families just because two people truly love each other.
Neither of us could bear the pain of divorce, and we were in two places, so after blessing each other for a while, we chose to keep our love in our hearts and continue to live our lives.
I am willing to bear all unimaginable consequences for true love, but the other party does not think so. In her opinion, to meet true love, it is enough for two people to be emotionally connected and meet each other in life. As for divorce and remarriage, she doesn't have the courage for two people to really get together. I also lack courage.
Divorce is really unaffordable for an ordinary person like me.
@ Zhuzhu Xiaobao
I want to leave, but I don’t dare.
has been taking care of her child at home since she gave birth to her child. She has no income, works hard and does not get the respect of her husband. Although he treats me well and cares about my hard work in running a household, I know that he will not accept a woman who has children but does not earn money. I can only force myself to treat him as a friend to comfort my current miserable life.
Respect marriage
@Li好silly
Last year he died of a sudden myocardial infarction. I met him twelve years ago, when I first started working in the border area. He lived in the dormitory next to me and was extremely kind to me.At that time, he was stationed in the village, and he would bring me freshly picked fruits from the village every time he came back; one time during the Chinese New Year, I had to stay behind on duty, and he was worried that I would be scared, so he deliberately bought a bunch of firecrackers and took me to set them off; one time, I suddenly said that life on the border was so lonely, and I really wanted to keep a dog to accompany me. Unexpectedly, he actually brought back a dog a few days later...
We knew that each other had a crush, and he would occasionally joke with me: "We can't do anything shameful!"
We never took that step. Later, when I returned to the provincial capital, he was still at the border with Vietnam. Over the years, I would definitely receive his blessings on my birthday. Every time he came to Nanning, he would tell me to have a meal... His departure was so sudden, leaving many regrets to the world.
I know, I will always remember him well. I also know that the reason why this relationship is meaningful and does not contain too many impurities is, firstly, because of our restraint, and secondly, because death ends it. Without these two prerequisites, it can easily turn into a bloody plot in the world, with nothing but chicken feathers.
So I have no regrets, just keep him in my heart and leave a corner for him. He is in heaven, understands everything, and will bless me.
@林（看云）
I will not divorce if I meet true love after marriage. People are social animals, and marriage is not a child’s play. Responsibility and responsibility are the underlying colors of marriage. If a person does not take responsibility, he will get divorced from anyone, so don’t talk about true love in a high-sounding way.
There is a difference between marriage and love
@wei
people, if they don’t get it, they think it will be good. In fact, no matter who you get together with, the end result will be the same.
Looking back, wasn’t it true love when you and your lover got married? But life goes on after all, through romance and marriage, the two people become partners, each has a responsibility on each other's shoulders, and they begin to work together for the family, and the romance of the past is gradually overshadowed by the ordinary life. At this time, if you feel that it is boring and want to get out of the siege to breathe fresh air and find the so-called true love, then not only will the existing family be destroyed, but you will also be morally condemned.
The most important thing is that your so-called "true love" does not necessarily last long, maybe it is just a novelty. Even if it lasts for a long time, you will still reach the stage of trivial matters after entering into marriage. At that time, will you still think it is true love?
Therefore, recognize the reality clearly. If your lover has no principle issues, then live a good life in a down-to-earth manner and warm your lover with love and sincerity. On the contrary, your lover will respond to you with warmth. And this is true love, top romance.
@白秋
I think marriage must be based on love and marry a responsible person. A marriage based on love and a responsible partner are more able to stick to their marriage, family, and various responsibilities when faced with the temptation of extramarital affairs.
At the same time, no matter how passionate and romantic love is, it can't compare to the feathers of marriage. Marrying your true love and entering into trivial daily necessities will not end like that. Of course there will be when you meet a better person or even true love. I've come across this and I believe I have the answer.
When you fall in love and get married, you think that the person you meet can be with you for the rest of your life and love you to death. In fact, it feels like the incomplete self has been repaired. When the beautiful veil slowly fades away, I am still incomplete.
People who look better may seem to be able to repair themselves again, but there is a high probability that they will make the same mistakes again.
Therefore, instead of relying on "true love", it is better to grow up and repair yourself. The best thing is for two people to work together to complete their own selves.
It doesn’t matter whether you meet a better person, but make a choice between two roads - either keep looking for a breakthrough in the cycle, or find a better self on the road of growth.
@小小花
I didn’t love my husband that much before we got married, and I was dissatisfied with him in various ways. Maybe we were not each other’s ideal partners.
But we are both family-oriented people. After having a baby, we have changed each other. If we feel uncomfortable at all, we will sit down and communicate. Slowly, we all became the people who understood each other best, and our family became happier and happier.
Until there was a discussion about which of us should go first. The two agreed tacitly that if they were still young, they would not get married until they raised their children; if they were old, they would be buried together after death.
At that moment we both felt that we had found the right person for each other. We are lucky, we didn't get over it and never thought about it anymore, and it actually became true love after marriage.
written at the end
"When you meet true love after marriage, should you divorce?" Perhaps many people have faced such a choice.
After all, love is like flowers, rings, and romance, while marriage is like firewood, rice, oil, salt, pots and pans. Compared with the two, true love is always more exciting.
Feng Yu in the hit drama "风风风向黄 Pinellia " originally ran a factory with his wife, and his life was quite warm.
But ever since Feng Yu met the young and beautiful Xie Jinbao, he fell in love with her uncontrollably. Looking at his wife who became loud and fierce in order to manage the factory, Feng Yu felt disgusted and afraid.
Thought he had met his true love, Feng Yusi thought about it a lot and finally decided to get divorced.
After that, he naturally stayed with Xie Jinbao, and habitually handed over the management of the factory to her. Unexpectedly, Xie Jinbao only knew how to act coquettishly and did not understand the way of running a business. He even fired several very important old employees just to show off his prestige as the boss lady.
The quality of the factory's products is getting worse and worse, and more and more customers are canceling orders. Feng Yu is too busy to save things, while Xie Jinbao is still acting like a monster at this time. The conflict between the two gradually escalated and they eventually parted ways.
Feng Yu is obsessed with freshness, but forgets that all old loves were once new loves, and all new loves will also become old loves.
More importantly, marriage is different from love. It is a synthesis of needs, reproduction, and property. If the so-called "true love" cannot reach a community of interests with oneself, life will still be unsustainable.
In our long life, our hearts will beat many times, but we don’t fall in love when our hearts are moved, and when we love, there will be results.
I don’t agree with blindly enduring a bad marriage, but I hope that everyone can think clearly about what they want before making a choice, whether it is the madness of falling in love at least once, or the peace and quiet of living in peace and harmony.
Think carefully about whether you can get what you want from your current partner. After all, the secret to keeping a marriage alive is not to change partners, but to manage it carefully.
If everything has the answer, stick to your heart and make bold choices that you will not regret.
Source: Public account comments
