Liu Cixin said in " Three Body ": "Weakness and ignorance are not obstacles to survival, arrogance is."
Why?
Because arrogance will shield your eyes.
Many people have their own perceptions, but we also understand that perceptions are limited. If we want to look at something more comprehensively, only by learning to think from others' perspective can the problem become more objective.
Some people are self-centered and cannot listen to other people's advice. When they encounter something unhappy, they will use the other person's weakness to threaten them. They may succeed once or twice, but they will always regret it.
Just like the Ding Lulu below, she got divorced when her child was less than a month old. After her husband agreed to her, Ding Lulu felt regretful and asked her husband to get back together with her, but she was disappointed.
01. Yue Ziqiu, how much resentment do you have
Ding Lulu and Lin Xiang live in the same community. They both study in the same school for elementary and middle school. She is 2 years younger than the other and are not in the same class, but it does not affect their usual play together. When
grew up, their community was planned as an urban village, and was later demolished and moved to a resettlement community. Living conditions improved visibly, and every household had a house and savings.
A family with a girl does not want to marry outside, but hopes to find an in-law in the same community, so that both parties can be considered well-matched. Under this premise, someone introduced Lin Xiang to Ding Lulu. The two families lived in the same community, and Lin Xiang also became a doctor, which made Ding Lulu very satisfied.
The two have been in love for three years. Lin Xiang is still very good to Ding Lulu. He is usually busy with work, but on weekends, he will treat her to dinner, take her to see movies, and never worry about money when buying gifts. Ding Lulu also readily agreed to his proposal.
When the marriage was discussed, the Lin family gave a gift of 160,000 yuan and bought a car. The wedding room was ready-made and decorated according to Ding Lulu's favorite style. Ding Lulu also selected the home appliances. The two parties held a grand wedding in a local luxury hotel, which made many friends envious and thought that they were a combination of talented people and beautiful women.
After her marriage, Ding Lulu became pregnant soon after. Her husband asked her to recuperate at home, and her mother-in-law also came to bring her meals and clean her every day. Since her husband's family had several apartments and they did not usually live together, kept a bowl of water at a distance, which is also the way of getting along that many people long for.
Ding Lulu didn't like the food cooked by her mother-in-law. She felt that the food cooked by her mother-in-law was heavy in taste and had too few varieties. Most of the meals were home-cooked, which made her feel unappetizing. Many times, she threw away the meals her mother-in-law sent.
The mother-in-law can also feel the indifference of her daughter-in-law. When Ding Lulu gave birth to the child, she took the initiative to suggest that her biological mother take care of the child. She would give her 2,000 monthly living expenses. This idea was approved by Ding Lulu.
02. Arrogance should not be a reason to force someone else.
Ding Lulu is the youngest daughter in the family and has been doted on by her parents since she was a child.
She doesn't know how to do housework, and she doesn't know how to deal with relationships between people. If she is unhappy, it will show on her face.
It stands to reason that if a mother takes care of herself, she should be able to effectively avoid conflicts, but she hurt her mother-in-law's heart because she didn't hold her tongue.
In order to take better care of Ding Lulu, her husband hired a confinement nanny for her. Seeing that she was not comfortable breastfeeding, he hired a professional prolactinologist. Knowing that bird's nests support people, the husband spent a high price to buy back several boxes of bird's nests. In his opinion, as long as his wife recovers her health, spending a little money is nothing.
When the child was just born, relatives and friends came to visit, and the mother-in-law came naturally. She wanted to pick up the child, but Ding Lulu hurriedly stopped her. She said to her mother-in-law: "You just came in from outside, and you have bacteria on your body. The child is too young, so don't hold it."
The mother-in-law could only retract her outstretched hand. She asked Ding Lulu if she had an appetite, and if she wanted to make her a bowl of fish soup? Ding Lulu refused directly: ", the fish soup you stew is too fishy, I don't like it."
The mother-in-law's kindness made a big joke in front of relatives and friends. She knew that her daughter-in-law was weak and was too embarrassed to say anything. She stood for a while and turned back. Taking care of Ding Lulu was left to the confinement sister-in-law, and her biological mother was also taking care of it.
Since the birth of the child, Lin Xiang felt that the pressure of going home had become very great, and his wife was emotionally unstable . He loses his temper at every turn. Sometimes when he comes back late from working overtime, Ding Lulu asks to check his phone and asks him what he has been doing.
Lin Xiang does not want to go home, and it is also out of inner resistance. He deliberately works overtime to reduce friction with his wife, but his wife still misunderstands him. One day when he got home after nine o'clock in the evening, Ding Lulu got angry when she saw him: " Do you still have this home in your eyes? I work so hard at home to take care of your children, so it's better for you to be alone and carefree outside.
The mother-in-law also scolded her son-in-law: "I thought you were quite sensible at first, but it turns out I was wrong. I take care of your children here every day, and you and your mother have nothing to do and live very comfortably." "
Lin Xiang couldn't help it anymore. He said to his mother-in-law: "Mom, if you are tired, go home and rest for a few days. I will ask my mother to take care of you." "
"Are you going to drive me away? Okay, I didn't expect you to be this kind of person. When you use it, you face it forward, and when you don't use it, you face it backward. I tell you, I'm not that easy to talk to. Please call your mother. "
Seeing that his mother-in-law was angry, Lin Xiang could only call his mother, and her mother-in-law also called her husband. Due to the close distance, everyone arrived quickly. Ding Lulu was crying on the bed, and no one listened to what Lin Xiang said.
When her mother-in-law knew what was going on, she persuaded her mother-in-law to calm down and promised that she would take care of her daughter-in-law. However, Ding Lulu flatly refused: "The food you cooked is terrible, and I don't want you to come. "
The meaning is obvious. Ding Lulu wants her biological mother to take care of her, but her biological mother wants to save face and needs Lin Xiang and her mother to look up to her. The reason why she loses her temper is that she feels that she has not received the respect she deserves.
Anyone with a discerning eye can see that Ding Lulu is deliberately looking for trouble. Her husband's family provides money and materials, and it is not because she does not want to take care of her daughter-in-law. The main reason is that her daughter-in-law does not take care of her. Well, my mother-in-law didn’t know what to do.
The key point was that Lin Xiang’s father-in-law and mother-in-law were not forgiving. They yelled at Lin Xiang’s mother in the living room, even using curse words from their hometown, which really angered Lin Xiang. He stepped forward to stop her and said to his parents-in-law: "You can say anything to me, but no one can say anything to my mother. It was not easy for my mother to pull me away, and I shouldn’t have my hands dirty. "
Ding Lulu heard this, and she was very angry. She put the child into Lin Xiang's arms and said: "Your mother is right, but my mother is wrong to take care of me. We are getting divorced, and you can take care of the child yourself." "
Both of them were angry, and Lin Xiang readily agreed to leave. We'll see you at the Civil Affairs Bureau.
03. Only by learning to think from others' perspective when encountering problems can the big issue be resolved into a small one.
A confinement conflict led to divorce.
The two of them impulsively obtained the divorce certificate. Ding Lulu returned to her parents' home. Lin Xiang asked her confinement sister-in-law to take care of the children. Her mother was responsible for washing and cooking. Although her life was busy, Ding Lulu lived a peaceful life. She didn't really want a divorce. She thought that if she made a fuss, her husband would care more about her feelings. However, more than a month later, Lin Xiang didn't call her. She took the initiative to send a message, but was blocked by the other party.
She couldn't sit still and took the initiative to find Lin Xiang and ask for remarriage. In her opinion, if she put down her attitude, her husband would have to give her face. As a result, Lin Xiang told her: "I will not remarry you. I have never seen such a ruthless woman like you. You can abandon your child within one month. Are you worthy of being a mother?" "
Ding Lulu: " I definitely love my children. There is no mother in the world who doesn't love her children. You have gone too far. How can you separate our mother and daughter? "
In order to realize her wish to remarry, Ding Lulu hired a mediation staff to help her and her ex-husband. The staff was very puzzled: "How did you get divorced when your children are so young? It was the woman who brought it up, because the mother was breastfeeding and the husband had no right to file for divorce."
These words exposed Ding Lulu's lies. She quickly explained: "My mother-in-law was not good to me during confinement. The food she cooked was too unpalatable and I couldn't stand it..."
Lin Xiang said to the staff: "It's too noisy! I don't want to talk to her, and don't come to me again. I can't satisfy you. "
He was very angry. His mother is not a chef. It is normal that the cooking does not meet your taste. You have hired a confinement nanny during confinement. Why can't you tell the truth and realize your mistake?
Obviously, the mediation failed. In the end, Ding Lulu longed to reconnect with her ex-husband, but her wish could only come to nothing.
- Some netizens left a message: "A woman is too pretentious. She has a princess living in her heart. Eating bird's nests and being cared for by a confinement nurse is not enough. She must regret it when she loses her." ”
- Some netizens also said: “When I was in confinement, I wish I had one-tenth of her treatment. As long as I have a confinement nanny, I will not suffer from confinement disease.”
- Some netizens said: "People are just not satisfied. The woman is spoiled at first glance. The key is that her parents don't know how to educate their daughter, and they still play tricks on their daughter's family. There must be something hateful about this poor person." "
To take a step back, if the young couple can live a good life, their happiness index will be very high. At least they don't need to worry about material conditions. Moreover, Lin Xiang is well educated and can accompany his children well in the future.
Ding Lulu is too arrogant. She regards herself as the center of the family and requires her husband and mother-in-law to revolve around her. She cannot even resist. This is a lack of emotional intelligence, because true love is not control, but understanding and support.
If she can greet her husband more and be considerate when he comes home, his husband will definitely be more understanding and patient with her. The relationship between husband and wife needs to be cultivated. Even if they are married, they must remember to respect each other.
In life, people with arrogant personalities are not an exception. Some women think that they have superior conditions, and they are spoiled by their boyfriends when they are in love. There will be a gap after marriage, and they will look for trouble. Only when the relationship is broken up will they realize that in this world, except parents, no one has the obligation to treat you well. Those couples who are in love have done one thing right, that is, they know how to control their emotions.
