"Bear, if I say that my friends' comfort can't cure me at all, isn't it really heartless..." The girl who left a message from
told Bear that a while ago, she messed up an important work project due to a moment of negligence.
I was very depressed and thought of asking my best friend to go out for a hot pot, and complained.
But unexpectedly, after she explained the whole story clearly, most of the responses she received were:
"It's okay! I won't be wrong next time!"
"Yes, don't think about it when it's over!"
"It's all done! Come on!"
Girls are The message said:
"I know my friends are doing it for my good, but these words not only did not relieve my frustration and anxiety, but instead put me under pressure... Every sentence seems to tell me 'I must succeed next time, otherwise you will be a bad person'..."
"Bear, am I too unscrupulous? Or, I am too impatient..."
Bear can especially understand girls' feelings.
We all know that we should "come hard", "work hard", "motivate", and "overcome difficulties". These words have been continuously instilled into our minds since we were children.
But now as adults, we occasionally really want to completely "die".
Because, we gradually discovered that some difficulties and failures are doomed to be unable to overcome.
Failure is not always the mother of success. There are too many ups and downs, setbacks, obstacles, regrets and failures in daily life;
, and we who try to defeat them again and again often have to relive the same setbacks over and over again.
sounds a bit disappointing.
But we can always find ways to make ourselves live a little easier and more enjoyable.
"Perhaps the only way to defeat them is to tell yourself: why not forget it!"
Want to love life, if you don't love it, forget it.
If you want to pursue success, if you don’t succeed, forget it.
You have to run hard, if you can't run, forget it. When
can truly reach this state, it is the beginning of our enlightenment. The view of
comes from the book Xiong wants to share with you today: "Love life, and don't love it."
Author Geraldina Mosner-Sava is a master of philosophy and producer of the French Cultural Radio program "The Road to Philosophy".
From a philosophical perspective, she believes that compared to success, what we experience more in our daily life is actually failure.
And the way to live happily in this "failed daily life" is -
"We need to dare to fail, disrupt, question, and transform better in laughter and scolding. The good news is that we are finally ready to face failure!"
So, in this book, through philosophical thinking, she wrote down many views that sounds like "fallacies" and reads very "negative energy".
But the magic is that after reading these views, we will feel more relaxed and calmer.
Today, Xiong selected 6 from the author's "fallacies" point of view and shared with everyone.
If you can understand these 6 points, it is the biggest sign that we are beginning to be enlightened.
I hope everyone can accept a life that is unsatisfactory and live seriously~
Signs 1:
No longer obsessed with the so-called "missing opportunities".
Debate, exam, interview... Whenever a test is over, we always look back and think about whether we should say this or do that at that time.
Especially, if the result is a failure, we will fall into self-blame:
"I knew it would have been like that!"
"Such a good opportunity, I missed it like this!"
But the author believes that we don't have to blame ourselves like this.
She suggested from a philosophical perspective to look at the problem in another way.
For example: "Perhaps this is not a good opportunity at all?"
Even if it successfully passed the test, the subsequent results may not be as we expected, so there is no need to blame yourself.
or: "Maybe, it's not that we didn't seize the opportunity, but that opportunities are difficult to capture?"
Even if I did that at that time, I might still not be able to pass the test, so there is no need to blame myself.
or: "Perhaps, it's not that we missed an opportunity, but that the opportunity missed us?"
is the loss of opportunity, not our loss. We can also go to the next opportunity to shine and heat, so there is no need to blame ourselves.
also feels that maybe you can’t get it, everything is destined.
Don’t think about the past. No matter whether it is a "good opportunity" or a "bad opportunity", if you can look forward, you will be enlightened~
Signs 2: Accept regret and regret.
Life is a road of regret, we always feel regret or regret for certain things:
A person who has gradually been disconnected, a hobby that has given up halfway, a lost life experience, or a word that has not been said in time...
We often lament for these things in pain and shout slogans: "Have a life without regrets!"
But how can there be no regrets in your life?
Just as the author said: "If life is a path full of possibilities, and this possibility gradually narrows with our continuous choices, then life is actually destined to be a path full of regrets."
Then, since that's the case, accept regrets and face regrets.
The author said that she herself also had a lot of regrets.
But compared to trying to forget them or indulge in it, she is more willing to treat every regret as a proof that a choice has been made.
It’s a pity that we broke off contact with our friends after graduation, but we chose a broader and more exciting life;
It’s a pity that we didn’t persist in learning the piano back then, but we learned to dance after giving up the piano;
The words that didn’t say were very pity, but we chose to use Actions express your feelings...
Or, more philosophical: "Maybe choosing a life without regrets will make us regret not choosing a life with regrets?"
Those regrets left in the early years are actually evidence of our lives and choices. Aren't they also beautiful memories?
Signs 3: "Give up" to pursue a dream.
"Chasing your dreams and sticking to the end."
From childhood to adulthood, this sentence almost makes everyone's ears sound callous.
We always think that we must strive to realize our dreams, and if we give up our dreams, we will be gossiped to be a "desergeant".
But the author questioned this:
Do we really want to realize our dream? Or, are dreams really meant to be realized?
The author believes that the reason why dreams can bring us strength is because in our hearts, dreams are pure and sincere, while reality is ridiculous.
Then, since that's the case, why do you still try to "turn 'dream' into the 'reality' that is always disliked by people and falsely degenerates like the source of all evil?"
She said that the reason why dreams are "dreams" is because they are like the moon on the altar, which can bring us a steady stream of strength and hope;
Never turn it into a pathetic life goal.
In this regard, Xiong's understanding is that we should have dreams, and we should face life more seriously under the inspiration of our dreams.
But if you can't realize your dreams in your lifetime, it's no big deal.
Life moves forward step by step under the guidance of dreams, without forcing anything or lamenting anything. Just spending your life like this is already a good life~
Signs 4: No longer force yourself to get out of the "comfort zone".
Everyone must have heard of the saying "comfort zone" and the earnest warnings that require us to "go out" from it.
People believe that staying in the comfort zone means stagnation and not being enterprising, while walking out of the comfort zone means being enterprising and taking the initiative.
Then, what does it mean to get out of the comfort zone?
In the author's view, "meaning we choose to put ourselves in danger and in a state of discomfort, that is, we choose risk."
The author believes that this view is actually a pathological advocacy of the value of adventure, and it is a slightly cunning dialectic such as "If you don't enter the tiger's den, you can get a tiger's son" and "If you endure hardship, you will be the best."
She asked two questions from a philosophical perspective: Does stepping out of the comfort zone definitely mean it is of great benefit?
Can life really be improved by deliberately creating turmoil and uneasy? Even if
can be "better", is this "better" really worth the "worse"?
Moreover, the author also said that she believes that staying in the comfort zone requires greater courage.
requires great efforts to maintain the boundaries of comfort, and also earn enough time, resources and conditions for yourself in the comfort circle in order to enjoy comfort well.
So, Xiong also felt that instead of forcing himself to bite the bullet and step out of his comfort zone, it is better to put courage and strength in: how to make yourself live a better life in the comfort zone.
Be brave to be comfortable, and in the range of comfort, you can be better and of course better;
This is the happy life that is more worthy of our pursuit~
Signs 5: Learn to complain.
Although we have been taught to grow up with "don't complain" and "complain is useless", in life, we still often complain about something.
complain about endless meetings;
complain about neighbors who started to decorate early in the morning;
complain about this takeaway is really bad;
complain about the job but the salary is low...
Moreover, after we complain, we often fall into self-examination, check whether we complain too much and whether we bring irritability to the people around us...
Then shut up in a hurry and put our thoughts in our hearts.
But the author thinks, who says complaining is unreasonable? Complaints are obviously reasonable.
"Fortunately, I can still complain, because if I don't complain, how can my grievances be heard, and how can someone come to help with justice?"
Of course, the author also agrees that complaining too much will add some gloomy rhythm to life, drowning everything in the overwhelming and suffocating complaints.
But, after all, isn’t this the meaning of complaining?
"The meaning of complaining is to let our hearts be heard, to hold on, not be overwhelmed by our own misfortune and grievances, to relieve depression with complaints, and to accompany us to make things difficult?"
The author said that it is these complaints that accompany us to spend the hard work in daily life together;
is these complaints that help us raise our heads again to face the difficult life after venting our inner dissatisfaction.
So, the bear's understanding is that we can complain, but we cannot indulge in complaining.
Being reborn in complaining is also one of the manifestations of enlightenment.
Signs 6: Enjoy the joy of "empty".
Not long ago, the author experienced something we all experienced - a blocked sewer pipe.
She stared at the somewhat blocked washbasin with a frown and resentful look. The water was very slow, and the surface was quietly floating with a ball of soap bubbles, toothpaste foam, hair and other unknown hair;
Then she silently lamented in her heart: "What kind of evil am I doing?"
However, the author's feeling, after purchasing detergent and pipe cleaner and successfully unblocking the sewer pipe, a huge change occurred.
She said: "What shocked me was not the difficulty of the process of evacuation, but the happiness I felt when the blockage finally surrendered."
"And this joy of victory continued when I put water to wash the sink and the dirt flowed away in the water. There was even a moment of joy and icing on the cake, which was when I heard the water pipe rumbling because of the smooth flow."
The author associated this feeling and was greatly inspired.
She found that this satisfaction and happiness came from a feeling of "finally nothing left, clean, empty".
And when we look back at our lives, we will find that we have put too many things in our lives.
The huge desire for shopping, the possessiveness of wanting everything, the desire to hoard everything, the desire to throw away anything;
There are also various stones that cannot be let go of in my heart, the past that cannot be forgiven, the present that cannot be accepted, and the future that is closely watched...
The author reminds us that this kind of "full" is exactly what most of our troubles lies.
And don't forget, we are actually very good at making and enjoying "empty".
So, occasionally, enjoy the emptiness.
Do nothing, think about nothing, just feel your existence quietly, wasting your time... Perhaps in this way, we can get closer to enlightenment.
Finally, Xiong wants to tell everyone:
At the end of most TV series or movies, all the entanglements and setbacks of the protagonists often come to an end. As the camera gradually moves away, three words appear on the picture: the end of the whole drama.
And in real life, we seem to be striving for a beautiful finale.
shouted positive energy slogans and worked hard, so that when the finale came, there would be enough weight in your hands and show that you were doing well.
But, in the long life in reality, where does the finale and finish line exist?
Or, as the author said: "Why does the ending have to be a distant goal that is slowly reached step by step, rather than a simple moment, a beneficial interruption, or an active pause?"
So, you might as well get rid of this obsession with the "big finale" and be happy for some tiny and short-term "success" in life.
accepts your own limitations, puts effortlessly, and occasionally pessimistic and often optimistic about life.
May we all live such a vivid life.
Dear everyone, good night~
Today's interactive topic:
Which of the above views do you have the most understanding?
Let’s talk in the message area~
