1. What is a letter of recovery?
Recovery letter refers to the fact that after breaking up, you still want to win back your ex, so you can increase the possibility of reconciliation between you by writing letters to the other party.
2. The meaning of the letter of recovery?
The meaning of the reply letter is to increase the possibility of reconciliation, but the content of the reply letter may not have any words about recovery.
Because breaking up means that the other party wants more to separate, and what we want is to save. If we cannot understand the other party’s feelings and blindly ask the other party to be with us, it is equivalent to forcing the other party to do what the other party does not want to do, which will only backfire in the end.
So although we are writing a letter of recovery, we cannot express the intention of recovery, and we cannot have too much purpose, otherwise it will only make the other party more rejecting ourselves.
Therefore, the content of the reply letter is more about expressing our sincerity, explaining each other's misunderstandings, changing one's image in the other's mind, reducing the other's rejection of us, arousing the other's curiosity about us, enhancing each other's sense of trust, etc.
These contents seem to have nothing to do with recovery on the surface, but in fact, these contents are the basis for the recovery.
3. Is your own situation applicable to the reply letter?
Recovery letters are useful in most recovery, but they are not omnipotent. Therefore, in some cases, you should use recovery letters with caution, such as:
1. The other party is very disgusted with us at the moment.
If the reason for the breakup is that we have done something that makes the other party hate, such as cheating, family violence, deception, concealment, pestering, entanglement, etc., then it is not recommended to use a reply letter to recover, at least it cannot be sent for a short period of time after the breakup.
Because when the other party hates us, no matter how sincere and reliable the reply letter we send is, it cannot eliminate the other party's disgust. Even our reappearance will make the other party recall our wrong behavior again, and the disgust will intensify.
So when the other party hates us very much, it is the best choice not to disturb us for the time being.
2, the reason for breaking up with each other is a very realistic problem.
For example, if the other party thinks that our income is too low, they choose to break up, or they can't afford a house, and they break up; for example, if the other party is unwilling to leave the city where they are, and they are unwilling to go over; for example, the other party's parents do not agree, and the other party just listens very much to their family members, etc.
If the breakup is caused by these realistic problems, then no matter how your reply letter touches the other party, it will be meaningless, and the relationship between each other will still be unable to reconcile due to these realistic problems.
3, the other party belongs to the avoidant attachment personality.
The essence of the reply letter is that we try to get close to each other, but if the other party is a habitual way of getting along with each other, then our approach will only make the other party farther away from us.
4. How to write a reply letter?
The essence of the reply letter is communication expression, and the reason why a couple breaks up usually includes that there is a problem with the communication and expression of the two people, so the reply letter requires a framework. It is not recommended to continue to express it in the way you originally wanted to say whatever you originally wanted to say. The framework of the reply letter can be used to refer to a book " Non-violent Communication ". The content of this book teaches us how to clearly express our observation of events, express our feelings, express our needs, and express our requests.
Take a specific example of a reply letter, and use common reasons for breaking up for women as an example.
For example: A girl lacks a sense of security in her heart due to the influence of her growth environment. After a girl is with her boyfriend, although she loves her boyfriend very much, she often tests her boyfriend's love for her because of her inner uneasiness. Common behaviors include:
1, which makes your boyfriend say morning and night every day, and you will get angry for several days if you forget once;
2, which allows your boyfriend to answer calls and reply messages at any time. If you can't contact them for a long time, you will not love yourself;
3, your boyfriend should not have too much contact with friends of the opposite sex, etc.
The two got along well at the beginning. The boy also felt that the girl was dependent on him, and the girl also felt that the boy was working hard to satisfy his expectations. But after a long time, the boy began to feel pressured, and then felt unable to bear it, so he finally chose to break up.
In this case, you usually don’t send a reply letter immediately, but give the other party a certain amount of time to calm down, that is, disconnect for a short period of time. The conflict between each other is reduced by breaking the connection, so that the other party can relax first and then recover through a reply letter. The reference content of the reply letter of
is as follows:
XX (the other party's name). I haven't contacted me for a while. Although I have always had the urge to contact you, I finally endured it. Looking back on these days, I found that I can actually live my own life independently.
I have thought a lot recently, thinking about the past, because I lack security, I keep contacting you and disturbing you; I think of my inner disconfidence, I keep wanting you to say the three words "I love you"; I think of because I am too afraid of losing you, I ask you to say good morning and good night to me every day, so that I can feel your existence all the time. (Observation, describing some conflicting events that have occurred in the past)
Now when I think of these things, I feel so stupid and selfish. I do love you very much, but I really don’t have the ability to love someone. I obviously hope you can live a better life, but my actual practices make you feel more and more stressed. I am just meeting your needs, but not experiencing your feelings well. In my way of getting along with each other, anyone might want to escape. (express your feelings about your past mistakes)
For me now, as long as you can feel your existence. I used to be quite inferior, so it is easy to doubt myself and feel that I am not good enough. These are my own problems. Your existence makes me believe that I am worthy of being loved, but this belief cannot exist stably in my heart and eventually hurt you. Sorry, it's my fault. Whether we can be together now is actually no longer important. What is important is that our existence will not make the other party feel stressed. (describe your own needs, and don’t put pressure on each other, just hope that each other can have a connection)
So I don’t know if we can continue to get along with each other now as ordinary friends? (express your request, give the other party the space to choose, so that the other party feels respectful. If the other party has a choice, it is more likely to give us the choice we want)
Comments : The end of the reply letter is usually to express whether we can continue to get along with ordinary friends. The reason for expressing this is that after breaking up, the relationship between the two will become awkward and you don’t know how to get along. Some couples broke up and broke up, and even if they had contact information, they were still in a state of no reply. So such a request can give each other a step, so that their subsequent contact will not change so much, and give yourself a chance to show changes normally.
5. The carrier of the reply letter and the timing of sending it. One of the values that need to be reflected in the recovery letter is sincerity, so if you have the conditions, the handwritten recovery letter you have to reflect your sincerity more than sending WeChat or text messages.
In addition, when sending a reply letter, you should consider whether the other party can have free time to see the reply letter to experience your emotions and feelings.
Therefore, it is not recommended to send the other party’s study time, working time, outdoor activity time, meal time, etc. It is best to send the other party when they are at home, alone, or free, so that the other party can carefully savor your reply letter.
Otherwise, when the other party is very busy, it will probably be even more annoying to receive your reply letter. No matter how well you write, the other party is not in the mood to read it, the reply letter will not work.
Happy~
