text | Zhu Sinyong
When a man had an extramarital affair, he was reserved for Saner's efforts because he would not hand over his salary card, nor would he buy a house, a car and a child for Saner. Although he invested a lot, he would not devote himself to it, which was destined to be futile in the end.
So it feels that it is a common mentality for men to owe San'er. If you carefully review the extramarital relationship, you will find that Saner is indeed the one who suffers the most.
First, look at Saner's efforts and gains.
Put sincerely, time and reputation, and even career development opportunities and mate choice opportunities. The final rewards may be only a scarred body and a miserable reputation.
Some three children will miss the age of marriage, miss a good chance of giving birth, and consume their precious youth. In the unsuccessful extramarital affair, they act as a men's adjustment product and a supplement to marriage. They use their lives as cannon fodder for marriage. If they fail to stop the loss in time, they will only suffer heavy losses.
San'er has the means to get money and a house, but Marriage Law protects the interests of the original wife, and the original wife can recover them all.
Unless in individual cases, men use cash to pay from the beginning, this situation is rare, and it usually happens to Saner, who is familiar with the routine and will make a plan in advance. Putting aside this small group, most of the improper benefits of Saner can be recovered by the original wife, and the financial compensation they receive can be said to be a drop in the bucket of marriage.
Most San'er are ordinary women. What they get the most from men is sweet words, the promises and plans for the future that cannot be implemented, and the words that love you in their mouths are actually just an excuse to comfort them. It is the feeling of falling in love when they are passionate with men. They have not gained much benefit from men.
Men can figure out their own abacus and calculate their benefits from San'er. They originally wanted to play, but they didn't expect that after playing for several years, they still played with children. After all, they found that San'er had no gains, and he played a lot. San'er is still old and has a bad reputation. Her husband also knew that he had not fulfilled his promise to San'er, and he would feel guilty.
Second, the man does not think his wife is hurt.
The common thinking of cheating men is: If you don’t know this, there will be no harm; if I have an extramarital affair, there will be no divorce, if I don’t go home, there will be no harm to you; if I don’t divorce, there will be no harm to you.
Since it has not hurt you, there is no way to be guilty or indebted.
Because men have a preconceived choice: choose a wife, choose a marriage, and choose a family.
He made a choice from the beginning, and San'er was just a supplement. He would feel that his wife had everything, and he gave her everything he should give her, and he just went to play with her. What's the point of not giving up on this? What's so painful?
Don't divorce, I still get back home, I still make money, my children still take care of them, and I also communicate with my wife, so I don't have anything to owe to my wife.
This is a blind spot for men. They did not see the heavy damage caused by extramarital affair to their children, marriage, career, and wives. They only saw their emotional value benefits. So wives need to let their husbands see these injuries in the husband-wife talks and firmly push the end of extramarital affair.
Third, men have accumulated dissatisfaction in their past marriages.
Men don’t say it, but they have their own accounts in their hearts. Having an extramarital affair is actually like putting a mirror on a marriage, and a man will amplify his past dissatisfaction in his marriage.
Men will remember how their wives quarrel in the past, what trivial matters did their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have, what conflicts did their father-in-law and son-in-law have, and what harm and attacks did their wife have to him, and will also amplify their efforts. "I work diligently and diligently for this family, spend money on my family, live for you, and don't live for yourself, and all of you rely on me to support you." Mental activities such as
also reduce men's guilt towards their wives. To rationalize his own deviant behavior.
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