Author | Liu Na
The topic of this topic has been lurking in my heart for a long time.
I have been looking for an opportunity to explain this thoroughly.
To be precise, I want to tear off a fig leaf about an unfortunate marriage.
A piece of
is labeled as "meeting bad people" and "victims", and can gain public sympathy and support, and openly avoid the truth and responsibility.
01
Today's article starts with sad and extreme cases.
A tragedy occurred in Yibin, Sichuan.
On the wedding anniversary, the husband hugged his wife and jumped down from a 16-story building.
Information at the time of the incident @Network
Both husband and wife died, leaving behind two underage children, and no more parents.
The reason behind this tragedy is that his wife has no job. Just like Mo Huanjing in the "Hangzhou Nanny Arson Case", he is a gambling addicted gambling.
lost a lot of money, and owed usury, but did not repent.
Just before the incident, the husband who drove the excavator paid the wife a 50,000 yuan bet.
As a result, the husband went out for a few days and got home, his wife owed another 80,000 or 90,000 yuan.
In extreme despair, the husband left a bank in his circle of friends, "Am I a bank? I was wrong! You forced me to become the king of hell and took me to take him in his arms! He had no expectations for life." After he hugged his wife and committed suicide by jumping off the building.
Honey's Moments @network
Wedding anniversary has become a death memorial day. After this tragedy, many people scolded the gambling wife and sympathized with her desperate husband.
especially those who have vampire companions at home are empathetic. empathizes resonance and tears flow:
"A good partner can cure the original family. A bad partner will only make you feel pain.
is really bitter, difficult, and terrifying."
I agree with these views, and I also sympathize with the husband who has been a sucker for many years and has jumped off the building and died.
However, this does not mean that I don’t want to tell the truth, just use chicken soup to numb more people who are struggling in a bad marriage.
So, today, I want to hold up my stick and shout:
This unfortunate marriage is also responsible.
For several years of marriage, he has been using his hard-earned money to raise his wife's gambling addiction until the last moment of his life, and he is still helping her pay off her gambling debts.
The wife who was addicted to gambling was dared to gamble after losing and continued to lose after gambling. One of the important reasons is that
seemingly innocent husband is the host who indulges his wife to indulge in gambling.
After the husband found out that his wife was a gambling man, can cruelly refuse to pay the debt for her, let her be responsible for herself, knowing that no one's money is not blown by the strong wind, including her husband's money.
What's more, gambling is not the expense of the couple's living together, and even the law will support the husband's cruelty.
he can also divorce, take out evidence of his wife gambling, go to court to sue, and get the custody of the two children back at the same time.
The woman who is controlled by the gambling demon has no time to educate her children. Instead of paying her hard-earned money to pay the bad debts, it is better to hire a reliable nanny to be more helpful to the children's growth.
he didn't do that.
While paying off the debt for his gambling wife, he was in pain and complaining.
While he was the host of the blood-sucking worm, he offered blood to continue raising the gu.
While telling the world how painful it is, he plays the role of the savior on the moral high ground.
Finally, he was squeezed out the last drop of blood. He seemed to have been responsible for the gambling ghost, but he could no longer be responsible for the more important people in his life - himself, his two children, and his parents who had to give birth to him.
He is the victim of an unfortunate marriage and the creator of the tragic tragedy.
people in the same situation, Don’t be too sympathetic, but be very alert :
Be a soft-hearted bad guy, there is no good ending.
When the host of a vampire, it will only be sucked into a skeleton in the end.
There are no innocent people in an unfortunate marriage.
Sometimes, it is precisely the cooperation and indulgence of seemingly innocent victims that there are so many tragedies and misfortunes in the world.
Having written this, I have to mention another case -
02
Two years ago, a wife-killing case occurred in Hangzhou.
murderer Xu Guoli , killed his wife, Ms. Lai's body, and then crushed it with a meat grinder, and rushed into the sewer. After Ms. Lai was "missed", Xu Guoli accepted media interviews everywhere and spoke shamelessly to guide the case to the suspense drama "Ms. Lai ran away with others".
Later, the police found the wreckage of the woman in the sewer and used evidence to identify Xu Guoli's crimes. This well-dressed and handsome man exposed his human face and beastly heart.
"Actor Killer" Xu Guoli @ Internet
For a moment, the whole country was in an uproar, and thousands of people were shocked:
"A companion like Xu Guoli is really terrible.
often, you don’t know at all whether it’s a person or a ghost sleeping by the pillow.”
Especially, when more and more inside information are revealed, people are even more shocked:
Although Xu Guoli and Ms. Lai are second marriages, they are young lovers.
Xu Guoli was Ms. Lai's first love. Because of the opposition of her family, the two were forced to break up and each started their own families. After
, when she reached middle age, Ms. Lai met Xu Guoli again.
She betrayed her ex-husband and wanted to be with the divorced Xu Guoli.
After remarriage, the two gave birth to a lovely daughter.
Coming to the circle of friends before her death @王
But I lost it and regained it, reunited it, and "in the end it was you", and there was no good ending, but it was a killing.
In the face of real estate and money, disputes and wins and losses, Xu Guoli suffocated Ms. Lai to death, put it into the meat grinder, and rushed into the sewer.
life fate, two loves each other, he never left her a whole body.
Because this case was too tragic, it caused a lot of panic and discussion for a long time.
"The dead are the most important" taboo, and blind sympathy for the victims. people focus more on Xu Guoli's cruelty and cold-bloodedness. few people dare to face Ms. Lai's obsession and ignorance:
This tragedy of marriage, she is the victim, but it does not mean that she has no problem.
Her obsession with living in the first love filter;
Her betrayal of the previous marriage;
Her shortcomings of partner and malicious examination;
She automatically blocked the strangeness of her husband in marriage, and would rather go all the way to black than to save herself in time...
Ms. Xu Guoli and Lai @ information picture
The fostering of the demon is not a day or night.
Before the demon completely becomes evil, as long as you are willing to go against habits, get rid of the inertia of empiricism, and maintain enough recognition and soberness, you can discover his vision and demonicity from many details.
Lady is pitiful, sad, a pity.
But at the same time, she is also careless, ignorant, and paranoid.
embellishes peace, which means complicity with evil.
Only by examining tragedy in three-dimensional way can we not just live in the one-way cognition of empathy victims and ignore the truth:
The attitudes of others towards you are accused of.
often, the tragedy of gender relations is created by both parties.
This experience was told by a murderer -
03
10 years ago, when I was a reporter in a newspaper, I went to the court to listen to a murder case.
This is a very special murder case.
The murderer is a woman in her 40s who killed her husband with a kitchen knife.
The reason why she killed her husband was because in her 20 years of marriage, her husband had been urging her and her children family violence.
She has been beaten, fractured, and hospitalized for treatment more than ten times.
Horrible domestic violence @ TV series " Don't talk to strangers "
Her two children were also beaten to the point of being bruised and unable to go to school many times.
At the time of the incident, her husband came up again because of a very small matter, threw a bowl, picked up the bench, and smashed her son.
In extreme despair, the violence in front of her stimulated her 20 years of trauma, and also made her instantly become a villain in the loss of her mind.
She picked up the kitchen knife and slashed hard at the neck of the man who was beating the child.
After killing her husband, she knelt in front of her two children crying and called the police to surrender.
After this tragedy, her neighbors on both sides of the street, colleagues from her unit, including her brother, sister-in-law and sister-in-law, handwritten a letter of pleading with her handprints and pleaded for her:
"She is a good person. She has never quarreled with her neighbors. She works diligently in the unit and is polite to everyone.
html l0 She suffered domestic violence from her husband for many years and was covered in scars. But for the sake of her two children, she endured and retreated again and again.requested the judge to kill that hateful and terrible man because she wanted to protect the child. "
The laws of our country pay attention to legal principles and take into account the people's sentiments.
Finally, the woman was sentenced to 5 years imprisonment .
profile picture @ TV series Red Spider
What I remember most was her own statement after the verdict was:
"Thank you for your sympathy and support for me, so that after I was released from prison, I still have the opportunity to watch my two children get married and have children.
My greatest guilt is that I let the two children witness the tragedy of their mother killing their father with their own eyes.
My greatest regret is that I did not choose to escape and divorce earlier.
If I were asked to re-select, I would leave quickly when he hit me the first time.
For the sake of the two children, I endured it again and again, but with such a tragedy, the children witnessed the murderous nightmare and cruelty .
I am under the trial of the law, because I have a responsibility for this unfortunate marriage. "
" I also have a responsibility for this unfortunate marriage. "
This is a confession of a murderer, and isn't it the truth of many tragedies:
admits victims and has responsibility, which is cruel.
But if you don't admit such truth, more victims will not wake up in the paralysis and cannot find a way out.
even pay the price of murder or being killed-
04
For a long time, I have been listening to stories related to marriage and love.
Many people who come to me to talk to are victims of marriage.
Because of harm and pain, betrayal and deception, let down and nightmare, these victims are like passers-by falling into the mud, unable to move forward, struggling and indulging, grief and despair.
Because of harm and pain, betrayal and deceitful, let down and nightmare, these victims are like passers-by falling into the mud, unable to move forward, struggling and indulging, grief and despair.
I was infected by them, empathized with them, accepted them, and even wrote many warm words to try to heal them.
very regrettably, with my in-depth understanding, long observation, and specific communication, I gradually saw the truth clearly in my shocking heart:
has two perpetrators, just like Zhou Yu beat Huang Gai, one is willing to beat the other is willing to be beaten.
pictures @ TV series " Deadly Woman "
Husband cheating and his wife must be weak and cowardly;
Wife is strong and domineering, and his husband must be timid;
Husband gambling and prostitution, and his wife always pleases and feeds;
Wife complains and complains, and his husband always escapes conflict;
Wife complains and complains, and his husband always escapes conflict;
Wife complains and complains, and his husband always escapes conflict;
Wife escaping and prostitution;
Wife complains and complains, and his husband always escapes conflict;
Wife always avoids conflict;
The husband has been domestic violence for many years, and his wife is used to being patient and silent;
The wife is fooling around, and the husband must be a coward...
The truth that shocked me even more is:
In marriage, one of the victims is indeed scarred, but they are also addicted to trauma:
They are in repeated abuse of their partners, showing the wounds to outsiders in the posture of a victim, saying "Look how pitiful I am", and using this to gain something Compassion and attention.
simultaneously indulge the partner who does evil, continues to do whatever he wants, be lawless and domineering.
Until the end, they fell into the tragedy of killing the death of the net, or began to wake up and save themselves.
pictures @ TV series "The Deadly Woman"
is also them, and they taught me such a marriage class :
First, an unfortunate marriage, no innocent people.
No matter what kind of helplessness you have started an unfortunate marriage, as long as you are willing to save yourself, there are always more methods than difficulties.
In a marriage, your misfortune may be caused by others.
But the spread of misfortune, you cannot escape the blame.
4 Second, admit that toxic relationships are also responsible for "I".
You have a hook in your heart, so others can hang things up.
People who are hurt in their hearts are easy to blame others, but it is rare to reflect on why they handed the knife to others.
blind hatred is not only beneficial to making us fall into emotions, but it is not good for solving problems.
The solution to the problem requires us to take the initiative to assume our own responsibilities.
Because of responsibility, we can return to ourselves, build, salvation, and find a way out.
Third, "abandoning one's leave" is difficult, but in the face of the only life, it is worth bravery.
Not everyone has the ability and courage to escape when facing a bad partner.
If you can't leave for the time being, don't live in a plot with too many dramas.
You must see the problem truthfully and accept your own "cannot".
Then one day I can "can" and work quietly to secretly store energy.
Once you have the chance to give up, you must be cruel, escape, stay away from scum, and cherish yourself.
Don’t live in the sympathy of others and become a victim of news.
should live in the care of oneself and become the leader of life.
Run, friends @官方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方方
