The reader wrote to me and said:
My husband and I are both in a rural area in Guangxi, and we are neighboring villages. We met and got married through a relative's introduction. Because my husband's sister is doing business in Kunming, after we got married, we came to Kunming to join his sister. With the help of his sister and brother-in-law, we also have a small shop that belongs to us.
The following year of marriage, our son was born, and another 5 years later, and the daughter was born. After several years of wealth accumulation, we also bought an old and dilapidated house in the center of the city.
The husband is good at everything, but he likes to have cold wars after a quarrel, and after every quarrel, he runs to the sofa to sleep alone. When we were not quarreling, I reminded my husband: "Sleeping separately" is particularly sad about the relationship after the quarrel. My husband never contempts himself, and every time he is: I am happy. During
, I filed for divorce with my husband. At this time, he would "cry out loud" again, and I was unwilling to hurt my two children, so the marriage has continued to this day.
needs to admit: my husband is not bad-hearted, he is just a very vicious mouth. He is the kind of person who can't speak in his mind. He likes to be angry after a quarrel, and he likes to convey negative emotions in front of me on weekdays. To be honest: Living with your husband is really tired.
want to ask a question: Is sleeping on the sofa after a quarrel considered cold violence?
My husband also has his advantages: 1) He is very diligent at work; 2) He will also actively do housework when he is not working; 3) He never restrains me at the expense of money. But my husband's misunderstandings and the cold war after the quarrel still made me particularly crazy. Sometimes, I feel that I am the man at home, and my husband is the woman at home. It is because my husband often needs me to coax him, so he will be relatively happy.
I am a simple woman, and I feel that couples work together to do our business well and they also maintain a state of being at ease in life. In this case, I hope that my husband and I can maintain a simpler happiness, but it seems that if my husband doesn’t have a cold war with me once a week, he feels unhappy.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
is already very tired when you live, so many people are unwilling to quarrel, unwilling to be angry, and unwilling to accept negative energy. A disease that is popular now: not getting married. I think some of the people are unwilling to enter the siege: they have had a love experience, but the process of love is not beautiful at all, which leads to their unwillingness to touch love again, and feel that although a person's life is lonely, it is also simple. The inheritance of family traditions and physiological needs, and the older men should marry women should marry. These practical reasons have led to many people entering the siege at the age of marriage. Always stick to a belief: the happiness of "1+1" must be greater than 2, at least greater than 1, otherwise, getting married really doesn't make much sense. In my perception, I feel angry, cold war, and sleep in separate rooms.
Now, marriage makes you feel frustrated, but for the sake of your children, you insist on the integrity of your marriage. If one day you are too tired and have no way to persevere in this relationship, you will take the initiative to walk out of the siege without others persuading you. But in my understanding, marriage life does not drive you too crazy. At best, your husband will make you hysterical when he displays his arrogant side, but more often you will still think about his goodness and feel that you should give your children a complete home. In fact, no matter who you marry, there will be pros and cons. You might as well ignore your husband when he is emotionally unstable after you have some understanding of your character. When you care less about your husband's shortcomings, you will find that your mood will quietly become smoother.
Marriage life is sometimes quite strange: 1) If both of them are strong, the conflicts between husband and wife will increase; 2) When a woman is simpler, her husband will be a witch in her marriage life. It means that in normal marriage life, one must be strong and one must be weak; one must not be evil, the other must be evil. You might as well listen to other businessmen around you tell you about their experience in marriage life. You will find that in fact, everyone will show some dissatisfaction with their lover.When you ask the other person, since you are not satisfied with your lover, why don’t you consider divorce, the other person will smooth things out for your lover. At this time, the usual saying: It is not easy to start a family, you don’t want to hurt your children, and you will even list some of the advantages of your lover.
More times, you will feel that your marriage life is acceptable, but you feel that the cold violence after the quarrel of your husband is particularly hurtful. You and your husband have negotiated too many times about this, the key is that your husband can't change it. In fact, when your husband is in a cold war with you, his mood is the same as you, and he will feel particularly uncomfortable, but he cannot control his anger after arguing with you, which means that every time he rests on the sofa, he does not sleep soundly. There is a necessary connection between a person's attitude to dealing with things and his personality. Since you do not have the ability to correct some of your lover's daily behaviors, then make yourself less concerned to make yourself feel comfortable.
People's attitude towards life will change with the environment: when you and your husband just got married, you never thought that you would eventually take root in the provincial capital, let alone own your house and your career in the provincial capital, but now it has happened. I believe that your expectations for life at this moment will change greatly from when you first got married. Looking back at the past: Although you and your husband have not lived a wealthy life over the years, your life is reasonable compared to your peers in your village. Everything you have now is the result of the occasional effort of the husband you hate with you. From this perspective, you may feel quite relieved to marry him.
People like to focus on things that are worse for them. In fact, as they move forward in life, they have also done a lot of things that are not worthy of in the eyes of others. To this end, when facing life, we should not deny the achievements made by ourselves and our lovers in their married life because of temporary depression. Confidence is very important to a person, and trust between husband and wife is also very important to the management of marriage. The marriage attitude we should have: when examining or judging our lover, we should think more about the other person's strengths to hedge our dissatisfaction with our lover. The marriage life of ordinary people itself revolves around the bumps and bumps of food, oil and salt. In this process, it is normal to have some quarrels.
Postscript:
I don’t know if you have any misinterpretations and misunderstandings about the word “positive energy”, and think that only by telling some better things is positive energy. But let us not forget that the reality of life is also important. If you only talk about the beautiful things in life and ignore the misfortunes that are happening in some people, don’t you think this phenomenon is a bit false and a little indifferent?
Some plots in the film and television dramas are indeed romantic. The key is that the character of those people is either to have no worries about money or the process of struggle is too simple. What I want to say is, is the truth of life really the case? In this era of entertainment until death, too many people pay too much attention to the lives of celebrities or celebrities. The key is whether their lives are comparable to those of ordinary people? So many ordinary people insist on taking part in the lives of celebrities or celebrities, which will only lead to a greater psychological gap.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
