1. There is no saying that "the male leads the outside and the female leads the inside". Each specific problem is analyzed specifically for .
Ye Zijun hates a traditional concept: "Men should focus on their careers, women should compromise and sacrifice, and manage their families and cooperate with men."
Personally, I think this does not apply at all in the relationship between husband and wife within the dual system.
As we all know, the gap between positions in the same city is not very big, and even if you are promoted, you won’t have much more money.
On the contrary, the energy of units and units is very different.
So why do we have to divide it by gender? The specific analysis should be based on the units where both men and women are located.
Simply put, who has a promising position and can bring more invisible benefits to the family, the other party should take the initiative to compromise and maximize the overall interests of the small family.
For example, if the man is in the Federation of Literary and Art Circles and the woman is in a large state-owned enterprise, the treatment is more than twice that of the man:
This combination is a bit inappropriate if the woman has to sacrifice her career to help the man develop her career.
But if the man is a doctor in a Grade A hospital, and the woman is a small employee of a marginal public institution:
In this case, I agree with the woman who is lying flatter and putting the family first in order to support the man's career.
In modern marriage, strength, not gender, is the best bargaining capital.
If the men are not convinced and think that their wife should take care of their children at home, the cracking method is also very simple - go to a unit that is stronger than their wife!
2. peer principle , cannot be double standard.
For example, the woman has more prospects in her work. The man has compromised the woman and takes the initiative to give up her career and go home to take care of her children after work, so that her wife can work overtime with peace of mind to make money.
The woman's sacrifice and dedication to her husband should be full of gratitude and understanding with the man.
instead of jumping out and saring him whenever there is a conflict:
"Look at how much your husbands earn, how much money do you make? Our family is so hard, it's all your fault that you are not good at it!"
This seems not very kind. When the division of labor is about modern men and women are equal , when talking about economic dedication, he takes the traditional route, throwing economic pressure on the man.
Similarly, if the child is naughty and has poor grades, the husband cannot accuse his wife of not teaching him well. After all, the wife also has to go to work to earn money. The responsibility for parenting is not only for women, but also for common.
3. A lot of affirmation and praise, and avoid blindly denying and cracking down.
Good marriage is praised, not scolded.
Adults also live in their hearts, eager to get praise and affirmation, praise more, and say more good things, so that the other party will integrate into the marriage with a positive attitude.
If you only see the other party’s shortcomings and deficiencies and complain and blame with a picky look, it will only make the other party reject this family and spouse from the bottom of their hearts.
thus created a vicious cycle and family relationships became worse and worse.
A female colleague once told me a small thing that touched me very much.
She said that her husband often travels on business trips, and she takes care of her family and children a lot, and she works hard and works hard.
When my husband was not at home, she was in a good mood and hummed a song when doing housework, but when her husband got home, she was upset and didn't want to go home after get off work.
The reason is that my husband is like a supervisor at home, constantly chasing her labor in all aspects:
Why did you take care of your child again? How long hasn't you dragged a layer of dust on this place? Why did you forget to pay the water and electricity bill again...
Her efforts My husband never said "Thank you for your hard work", but those flaws were infinitely magnified, making her feel infinitely frustrated.
4. Before going to bed, the relationship will be sublimated by the same hatred of the enemy. Ye Zijun has personally experienced this.
I feel that my relationship with my husband has deepened countless times because when I complained to him about leading some weird operations, his scolding made me feel very happy and relieved!
I just feel: I am unhappy for being scolded so hard by him, it is really my perfect mouth substitute! This man is very consistent with my wishes and his three views are particularly consistent!
Similarly, when your ta is treated unfairly in the unit, your first reaction as a spouse after hearing it must be to stand on the same front with him without any conditions and support him without any conditions.
Even if he is wrong, he has to support and scold the enemy, and then calmly help him analyze it.
Another negative teaching material. A friend of mine mentioned to me about her communication with her husband.
Whenever she tells her husband how she was wearing shoes by the leader in the unit, her husband's reaction is always:
"You should reflect on yourself, why he doesn't make things difficult for others, just make things difficult for you? You must have done something wrong."
Every time she makes her very depressed, and she feels like she has married a class teacher.
She said, "I talk to you to get your support, not to let you stand on my opposite side and criticize me. Why don't you understand?"
It's a pity that it's useless. Later, her husband even told her: Don’t tell me about the mess in the company in the future, it will also affect my mood.
Her husband's attitude of staying out of the matter made her feel deeply disappointed.
Later, when something happened in the company, she would rather be too lazy to say it, and when she got home, she became speechless.
When there is no desire to share and communicate in marriage, the relationship between the two parties is destined to drift away.
5. Remember to report on all major and small matters, from whether the year-end bonus was paid, how much money was paid, to whom you would eat with after get off work.
Don’t think that the other party has not taken the initiative to ask or the matter is not big, so just keep silent.
The most important thing between husband and wife is communication and honesty. Reporting means heart-to-heart talk. The more you know about your spouse, the more secure you feel in your heart.
You are used to not saying it, he is used to not asking. Over time, there will be a thorn that will penetrate into the depths of the heart silently until bleeding comes out.
6. Do not introduce objects to colleagues in the unit across the couple’s connections, especially family relationships. Remember!
For example, out of enthusiasm, you introduced a little girl to the young man in the unit, who is your wife's cousin.
If it fails, it will be fine, but at worst, the embarrassment will pass after a while. It is really troublesome if
becomes, which means that colleagues in the unit have another perspective and clue to peek at you couples, and are very passive to themselves.
0 One day, you have a divorce with your wife or a new car, and you don’t want to make a statement, but because there is another relationship, your secret will be exposed at any time.
may have been either intentionally leaked or intentionally. Like a time bomb, lying beside you at any time.
Instead of making yourself passively worried about the future, it is better not to build this awkward relationship from the beginning.
(Original article by Ye Zijun, plagiarism will be prosecuted)
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I am Ye Zijun. I have been working hard in the system for more than ten years, and I have been steadily speaking about my workplace experience and honestly teaching you to avoid pitfalls. Follow me and let you grow faster!
