The reader wrote to me and said:
My husband and I work in the same building. We often meet in the elevator. Because he is tall and handsome, I took the initiative to say hello to him at first, and later, I asked for his contact information. While chatting with him, I learned that he was more than ten years older than me and was divorced, and my daughter lived with him. I didn't indifference to this relationship because of this incident, and I still kept chatting with him more frequently.
One weekend, he called: Do you have any other arrangements today? Me: Do you want to date me? He: I want to take you to see my daughter. In this way, my first meeting with his daughter and I got along very happily. Not long after, he confessed to me.
After we were together, he admitted: My relationship with his daughter was the main factor in his decision to pursue me.
When we got married, I was 26 years old and his daughter was 11 years old.
Now, I am 35 years old and his daughter is 20 years old. In recent years, I have never felt that it is difficult to be a stepmother because my relationship with his daughter has long become a "best friend".
Although he and his ex-wife divorced because of his ex-wife's personality, I have never stopped the connection between his ex-wife and his daughter over the years.
Nowadays, my husband’s son and I are five years old, and his daughter gets along well with our son.
often see some articles, reminding everyone that stepmother or stepfather is not easy to be a stepmother and stepfather, and there is no such confusion in me at all. In my understanding: after parents divorce, their children are actually fragile. They may become resistant to their stepfather or stepmother at some stage. As long as you can treat them as your own and give them some patience, they will accept you and regard you as their unrelated relatives. To this end, when you fall in love with someone, you need not only accept this person, but also his parents and his ex-children.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
The relationship between people is mutual. If you are a mean woman, or if his daughter is very twisted and continuously rejects you, it will be difficult to get along with this relationship. You can become "best friends" with your stepdaughter because you are all people who are easier to get along with. Becoming a "friend" is really simple as long as there are no obvious personality flaws and are kind. I am afraid that some people like to calculating and being too smart will naturally be very tired when they get along with such people. I hope your special family can be happy forever. I also believe that your stepdaughter has said a lot of praise to you from her classmates and friends, and you have lived together for 9 years, and your stepdaughter has long regarded you as a more important part of her life.
The difficulty of having sex with couples halfway is mainly reflected in the relationship with their stepdaughter or stepson. Once this relationship is not handled well, the couple will have a mentality of protecting their children, forming a quiet gap in this relationship, which extends to the level of spending and reservations; reservations in the level of giving. In this case, the relationship between husband and wife will be in a state of being in name only. Regarding remarried families, you must take into account your feelings with your ex-children. If the children's emotions are very intense during the running-in period of this relationship, or the partner you are about to remarry does not have much enthusiasm for you and your ex's children, let's forget about this relationship. Because children are also an important part of the new life, if the new lover is difficult to get along with you and your ex-children, and if they force them to get along, they are hard to say happiness.
However, not all marriages can be exchanged for a long time. Half-way couples are also an inevitable existence in life. What should everyone pay attention to when choosing a reorganized family partner? Once this relationship is exchanged for the result of marriage, what attitude should we use to manage the relationship?
1) A magnetic field of love needs between peers, and a magnetic field that is not annoying between children and adults.When choosing a reorganized family partner, after both parties have a good impression of each other, you need to bring you and your ex-children to meet with your current partner as soon as possible. Sometimes, the relationship between the child and your new lover is quite important. If both parties don’t like each other, don’t force them. Just like when you choose a marriage partner, you will also feel that your first impression is particularly important.
2) Couple is the core in marriage life. If your remarriage partner can get along well with your children, you also need to consider whether you have many interests and hobbies between the two of you, or whether the other person’s living habits and attitude towards life can be with you more often. Only when two people are having a happy relationship during the running-in period of love can this relationship continue. Never focus on the other person being nice to you and your ex-children, and think that the other person is reliable. After all, when you divorced your ex, you and your ex had no different intentions towards your children, and in the end your relationship still failed to continue happily.
3) Once the result of marriage is formed, don’t emphasize the “half-way couple” frequently in your mind, but instead regard each other as the most important people in your life, and do not keep traces of money and effort in your future life. During this period, if you and your ex-child are scolded by your lover for doing something wrong, don’t think that your lover is mean to you and your ex-child, but look at your lover’s scolding you and your ex-child with a normal mind.
4) Because of the existence of a child, there will definitely be some life-related connections between you and your ex. This possibility cannot be ruled out: after you divorce your ex, your ex will not be comfortable, which will make your ex feel like returning to you. At this time, you don’t need to be too kind to your ex before ex before excluding the child. Maintaining the sense of boundaries that should be firm and firm and the current love is the measure you must take. During this period, you can even show your love with the current person in front of your ex regularly in order to reassure your current person.
5) The current employee is not the third party between you and your ex, nor is it the scapegoat of your relationship with your ex. Since you have chosen to reorganize your family, you need to be on the same mind as the current employee and manage your future life well. In the process of running a marriage, there will inevitably be some frictions related to trivial matters in life. At this time, you need to take a more tolerant attitude and occasionally have the awareness of thinking from the perspective of others.
Postscript:
Most people will take the path of getting married as a man and getting married as a woman. I also believe that when choosing a marriage partner, everyone has a full understanding of each other and chooses to enter the siege. In fact, in the process of managing a marriage, if the two people's personalities, eating habits, and doing things can be at the same frequency in most cases, the relationship should be maintained well, which means that if one of the couples parted ways due to their troubles, it would be a pity.
The most painful thing for two people to live together is not betrayal of marriage, but that they cannot get a good connection at all in the trivialities of life. Remind everyone: If you meet a lover who gets along well with your family and has a good relationship with you, please be sure to cherish it. If one day you lose your relationship between husband and wife because you are looking for freshness outside of marriage, you will inevitably regret it in your future life.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
