At our side, we often meet such people, who are worried and complaining every day, and feel that life is unhappy, and the catchphrase is "If you have the chance, I will definitely do what."
But when someone encourages him to change his lifestyle, he will sigh: What can I do?
In the book "The Courage of Being Hate", psychologist Adler pointed out that the crux of people having this idea is:
people always try their best to avoid doing things that feel painful and risky. For this reason, they would rather maintain the status quo and choose to continue "unfortunate".
In other words, some people are unwilling to change, but actually have a hidden purpose, that is, not giving others the chance to hate themselves, or in other words, not giving themselves the opportunity to be rejected and hated.
In fact, we never lack the ability to be happy, but the courage to get happiness. However, in the face of our misfortune, we will never have anywhere to escape.
After reading this book "The Courage of Being Hate", we understand more and more: for a person who desires rebirth, what we need most is the courage to be hated.
Learn not to be trapped in others, not trapped in yourself, and live in the present.
01 Not trapped in others
A well-known strong woman in the business world posted the three words "Sorry" in her family, then jumped from a tall building and completely passed away.
In fact, she is a successful person in the secular sense. Nearly half a year before died, she often worked until the early morning for a project. Even during the Chinese New Year, she only stayed at home for more than an hour.
However, at the senior meeting, her boss criticized her for her poor work and her current position was likely to be out of security.
However, she has tried her best, but she still can't satisfy everyone. More than ten hours later, she jumped off the building and committed suicide.
Although not everyone in difficulties goes to extremes, how should we face the expectations and dissatisfaction of all parties?
Adler gave the answer: Life is not given by others, and there is no need to seek recognition from others.
Founder of Apple Jobs , was abandoned by his biological mother who was pregnant before marriage when she was born. She was the "child abandoned by her mother" in the outsider. This was once his unforgettable pain.
However, he was not labeled by others to define his life, and he thought clearly about what he wanted very early.
Jobs once said in his speech at Stanford University : "Stay hungry, stay foolish (seeking knowledge if you are hungry, thinking about your heart if you are foolish).
Focus on goals and are not afraid of being "annoying". Job uses his greatest enthusiasm to pursue his ideals in his heart, even if his ideals sometimes seem ridiculous to others, he is not afraid.
Although the embarrassment in life is very casual, no one will be spared. However, the meaning of life is what you give to yourself and it depends on yourself to realize it.
Other people’s expectations have nothing to do with you.
02 Not trapped in himself
1963, Stephen Hawking turned 21 years old, he was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. The playful and adventurous Hawking was hit hard, and he said: "I feel like a character in a tragedy."
Most patients with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis have no more than 5 years of survival. When they think that they will eventually suffocate to death, Hawking was extremely depressed. He hated himself who could not move freely.
For more than a year, Hawking locked himself in the room all day long and listened quietly to the music of Wagner . Only in this way can he bring some strength to him.
In the end, Hawking chose to accept this gift from fate and decided to complete his doctorate before the end of his life. This also led him to another life and become a physicist who can work with his brain.
When we see Stephen Hawking sitting in a wheelchair in a fixed position, will we ask ourselves: "How can I resolve my misfortune?"
Adler said that the answer to life should be found by yourself.
And this is exactly what Adler experienced. He has been very short since he was young, and he is only 155 cm when he grew up, and he is also hunched. Compared with his brother, Adler was obviously ignored by his parents, which made Adler very inferior since he was a child.
One day, Adler discovered that compared to his tall brother, he was more likely to gain the trust of others, which made him feel more secure.
till then, Adler was no longer worried about his height.
In fact, lack of height is not the problem. The key is how Adler views his height.
Although we cannot change what we are "given", we can decide "how to use these things we are given".
As long as "I" changes, the "world" will change.
03 Live in the present
Human beings may be affected by the mental trauma of the past, but Adler believes that we will not always be manipulated by the mental trauma of the past and have the full strength to choose the life and lifestyle we want.
Back then, " Chinese tobacco King" Chu Shijian , his daughter committed suicide and was imprisoned by himself. This is undoubtedly a great pain for everyone and it is easy to be depressed.
But Chu Shijian, a person who fell from heaven to hell, is already 75 years old, cheering up and opening a new chapter in his life.
A medical parole After returning to his hometown, he contracted 2400 acres of barren mountains and started planting oranges.
He said: "I have to do things all my life. In any case, as long as I live, I have to do things. As long as I have something to do, life has meaning."
Right and wrong, right and wrong, praise and slander, peak and trough, what Chu Shijian cares most about is always the present.
The past has passed, and the future has not come yet. What plays a decisive role is that at this moment, and living the "this moment" carefully is the meaning of our existence.
For example, if a person wants to travel, from the moment he steps out of the house, there are already scenery along the way, rather than having to check in and take photos at a certain attraction.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
We always miss happiness. It’s not that we don’t have a chance to be blessed in a year, but that we don’t understand that living the present is the basis for achieving future goals.
Instead of setting goals again and again for the distant future, it is better to pay attention to how to survive the moment in front of you.
From this moment on, you can become happy.
04
Some people are born with frivolous clothes and horses, and they have kind parents, while others work hard to support their families at a young age. There is no absolute fairness in the world, and this is reality.
When we blame our "unfortunate" on others and attribute the responsibility to the outside world, it means that we can not make any changes, that is, we choose misfortune.
On the contrary, once we look for the reason from ourselves, it means that we must be responsible for ourselves and have the responsibility to make changes, and this is often the beginning of happiness.
A sentence circulated in Jewish : "If you don't live your own life for yourself, who else will live for yourself?"
cannot experience happiness because you lack the courage to get happiness.
happiness is actually very simple, worry less and take more action. From now on, just do your best.
