Source: Wang Zhiyuan ID: Z201440
Share something with you first:
There was a colleague in the past. As long as the leader talked to other partners in the team, he would be anxious and always wanted to figure out what happened, or think that "I did something bad," but as long as he shared his inner thoughts with others and was comforted, he would relax. Why is this happening to
? Because it's too sensitive.
To be honest, this is not a very happy era. Nowadays, society is highly divided, and the technology and Internet convey to people the concept that "algorithms and technology" can improve efficiency and solve everything. 's behavior that blurs one's own meaning too much makes it difficult for people to have a stable mentality.
Sometimes, even if you do a good job at work, you may fall into "depressed" because of a small thing ; just like some time ago, I saw that the American philosopher " William Barrett (William) Barrett) A description in "Irrational Man":
In a society where people only require that people are competent for their own special functions, people will become equal to their functions. and the other parts of their existence are left to their nature at best, abandoned under the surface of consciousness and forgotten.
people with deeper qualifications have long developed the ability to be thick-skinned and thick-skinned, and proudly yelled in their hearts, "I am not only me, I am also a leader." Tags.
But there is a type of person who is not a management position and does a full-time job. He needs to accept repeated modifications of project plans every day and ruminates his thinking when he is fragile. It is inevitable that he will doubt "Did the leader target me, am I doing something wrong?"
In fact, many ideas have not been confirmed, but the inner drama has been repeated one after another; according to surveys, 15-20% of the people in the country have this kind of characteristics, and is called highly sensitive personality in psychology (Highly Sensitive Personality). If you can read its two sides thoroughly, you may have another bright future.
What causes high sensitivity traits
sensitivity is a normal personality trait dimension (Borchard, 2010; Tartakovsky, 2012; Aron, 2013), the reason why it is called a dimension is because it is not two extreme values, but more like a range of changing (spectrum).
Then, the highly sensitive personality we mentioned is the high degree of sensitivity. They can feel that the "subtle things" that are ignored by will naturally be in an excited state, and the speed is faster than others.
For example:
Douban 9.2 High-scoring Japanese drama "The New Life of Nai" is good at observing words and expressions; if you post a photo of a party on Twitter , you will be nervous, and sometimes you will click on other colleagues' tweets to see if they have a dinner secretly.
When a colleague made a mistake and was scolded by his leader, the colleague gave her a wink, and she understood it and took the blame. Even her boyfriend casually said that he liked long black hair, and she secretly pulled it straight when her boyfriend woke up the next day.
So, how did this high sensitivity come about?
It is not innate, it can be roughly divided into two types: 1) Parents' education when growing up, 2) The pressure carried after entering society
Some time ago, I followed a variety show that was called " Let's Go Together ". In the program, Yang Shuo's educational method of was criticized by many netizens at that time, and he often lost control of his son Yang Yuchen.
For example:
Get off the bus and shouted "Hurry up". At an altitude of 4,000 meters, my son was unable to get over his physical strength and walked crookedly. He scolded, "Can you not walk? Can you walk straight?" Even because his son wanted to choose the lucky number room of No. 5, he would be ridiculed by his father, "This is not my lucky number."
When they blindly chose and really moved into the worst room No. 5, their father continued to sarcastically say, "Is No. 5 your lucky number? Great." Yang Yuchen was frightened like a cat, trembling at all times, and was careful and sensitive to his father's emotions, for fear of being "reprimanded" again.
In fact, this situation will occur if some children born in farmer families have not received a complete system education.
一一个号 (I did not do well in the exam, and quarreled with my classmates) and would get furious. Even if I did not do anything wrong, I would occasionally become a garbage can for parents to vent their emotions, and suffer from language, emotional or physical violence.
According to the three-stage theory of self-formation mentioned in the classic work "Mind, Self and Society" by social psychologist George Herbert Mead, believes that , if the physiological self-stage (3-14 years old), is constantly criticized and denied by the outside world, it is likely to form a highly sensitive personality.
movie "The Life of Matsuko Despised", Matsuko was not liked by her father since she was a child, but when she grew up, she was wronged by her classmates, and gradually lost her self-identity and self-esteem.
feels that it is not good anywhere, and they always look for problems in themselves, "Is it my fault? What should I do to save it?" This kind of trauma that is unfortunate in the original family or childhood is a "hotbed" that nourishes the formation of highly sensitive personality.
Secondly, after entering society, we carry a lot of pressure, which is impossible for schools to enlighten.
is like, the teacher will not teach you how to handle relationships correctly, which will lead to a bumpy and stumbling workplace when encountering them, so that you can’t see human nature clearly, and all kinds of invisible phenomena erode your physical and mental health.
We will be anxious because we cannot achieve our goals, and we will be irritated by the love that we feel that we have given a lot and the other party is unhappy, or we may not be able to reduce our fat and be ridiculed by others. After all, we will be worried about gains and losses for a long time, and we will inevitably fall into the queue of "carefulness, think twice before acting".
On the other hand, behind being careful is actually a "high expectation".
often cannot do 100%, but we will also expect that "treat according to the self in the eyes of others", or "hope your efforts" and "get" can form a positive proportion. The result is difficult to do, and it is easy to be sensitive.
furthermore, the "behavioral style" brought about by "high standards" and "high sensitivity" does not match the "values" they are in. Therefore, since childhood, the evaluations formed by people around us will actually become a "accusation". When is posted a lot of tags and wants to try to avoid trouble, they will act according to the tag.
As is:
When I was a child, my parents often said, "Do you see who your neighbor is, how are your classmates?" This statement, you must surpass him and be better than him. Invisibly, you will raise your self-requirements. When you blindly make efforts to achieve expectations, denial and accusation will come.
However, under the collision of interaction, the two will be subtly transferred to other aspects.
is like, under work pressure, it is easy to be wronged to please others. You think you can get a harmonious relationship by please, but it is difficult for you to determine whether the other party treats you sincerely.The cycle of
is constantly verified. is not actually whether you are needed, but the inner "high standard" . Based on this, a highly sensitive personality is shaped like this. So, what are its specific characteristics?
7 typical advantages
From an inward perspective, high sensitivity is not a derogatory term; as a manager, if he can dig out, it may effectively stimulate the work efficiency of his colleagues. As an individual, being able to recognize and use it appropriately will become a plus point.
has 7 specific advantages:
①Insight more information, ②High Embroidered , ③Full sense of responsibility, ④Benefits inner rich , ⑤ Thinking half a beat slow, ⑥ Life is interesting, ⑦ Like to talk about depth
First of all, the highly sensitive people nervous system is relatively developed, likes to deeply process information received and perceived from the outside, and also mobilizes the brain to have existing concepts, establish connections, and form logical self-consistent.
For example:
Every Chinese New Year, everyone sets off fireworks. Some people see bright fireworks across the night sky and feel relieved; however, sensitive people, during the enjoyment process, will think of what they did last year and try to review them. As the new year comes, make clear plans.
Secondly, they hate themselves in a conflict environment and do not want to make the atmosphere bad. They are very close to helping and taking care of others. In the eyes of others, they are "peacemakers" and "worrying life", but they can easily exhaust themselves after work.
For example:
You are experiencing a tense relationship, focusing on high sensitivity characteristics, and you will think, "Why are the other party angry at me, am I really doing something wrong?" Or "The other party seems a little frustrated, I shouldn't be like this", I should take the initiative to find the other party and make the matter clear.
In the end, no matter who is right or wrong, you will take the initiative to open up the pattern and be full of empathy. This kind of compromise may become a "bargaining chip" in the eyes of others, but you think that compared to a harmonious atmosphere, everything else is not important.
Of course, research shows that high sensitivity traits also have a strong sense of responsibility.
Since childhood, I can feel the anxiety and anxiety around me, and always try my best to solve it, as if I take on the responsibility of the whole world. I am a typical case. When I was a child, I would be unhappy when I saw my mother being frustrated and would try my best to avoid causing trouble.
The same is true in other occasions. For example,
participates in social activities and always actively listens to friends' complaints and strives to respond to their frustration; or when arguing with others, he is considering other aspects and often fails to give in to the other party.
However, what I emphasize in this regard is not "not fighting for what you can get", but they are full of responsibility, care and sympathy.
Furthermore, people with high sensitivity are richer in their hearts.
From a personal experience point of view, I am one of them. I rarely feel lonely when I am alone; on the contrary, those who are used to tight schedules and face major setbacks may find it difficult to survive the crisis smoothly.
sensitive people have much more positive attitudes and regard them as a rare opportunity to create a new self.
Of course, sensitive people will think slower.
They can always see through the whole thing and are willing to spend time thinking more than others. The advantage is that no matter what they do, they are thoughtful or creative, and many writers, artists, and scholars basically have typical characteristics.
is completely opposite to this person who is "passive in behavior" and "unconsciously controlled".
commonly known as "big head". When this type of people are stimulated by certain things, they will use extreme methods, such as poor work, like resigning, friends who think badly, and even call elderly parents to vent their emotions.
However, people often summarize this extreme phenomenon into Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The biggest difference between the two is that Highly sensitive people will soon regret the wrong behavior before, while borderline personality disorder tends to be "angry" and "self-defense" reactions.
In addition, due to cautious and subtle strategies, highly sensitive people are often conservative but "life is interesting and interesting". Some people like to explore new things and like adventure sports. Others will think that these projects will cause unnecessary trouble.
But they did not blame themselves, feeling that there is nothing wrong with the unknown challenge. This desire and action can force one's personality to balance, which is a bit like "one step on the accelerator, the other foot must step on the brake" to move forward steadily.
It is worth mentioning that among the 70% of highly sensitive people who are with me, most of them are introverted, but their depth of thought and self-awareness are very high. Sometimes you can chat for an afternoon with a cup of coffee and you can get a lot of inspiration from them. In this regard, people with outgoing characteristics and more active may not do this.
They will feel that "relaxation scenes" require pleasant topics, and they often don't want to make the atmosphere look like "meetings"; however, everything has two sides, and the advantages also represent disadvantages.
4 common disadvantages
From the perspective of outward exploration, these 4 disadvantages are more conducive to seeing the lack of self: ① Ignore yourself and seek fullness, ② Self-esteem and confidence is not at the unified level, ③ ③ is prone to inferiority and anxiety, ④Heart is like a child
Generally speaking, it is difficult for people with high sensitivity to be active in social interaction for a long time. If you think that you must act according to those ancient and rigid personal mottos, you will quickly consume all your energy, so they are more harsh on themselves.
For example:
Under any circumstances, I must try my best to do things, I cannot let others discover my shortcomings, I cannot become a selfish person, I must always pay attention to others, I cannot make mistakes, and when others are present, I cannot just care about myself.
3333333333333333333333333333333334. They often ignore their own feelings and seek full grievance.
Others also have high standards for themselves and often require "I must be helpful, considerate, down-to-earth and reliable, care about others, and be vigilant". Set boundaries with such tags, and not leave any space at the end.
So, it seems very powerful during the day, but I feel very tired after I get home at night. Of course, there are also some people who are typical "low self-esteem, high self-confidence combination" , or "high self-esteem, low self-confidence combination".What does
What does it mean?
The former has a clear sense of self-boundary, and it is often difficult to truly open your heart to others. It is in need of dealing with the external environment and connections. It often shows a state of "no problem, I can". actually often asks yourself in your heart, "I really can"? Commonly known as "showing off your strength, afraid that others will find weakness."
The latter is just the opposite. It is strong inside and weak outside. Generally, it is very firm in its heart. However, when facing setbacks, it is often hesitant in its heart. From an external perspective, there is not much difference between the two. In fact, there is a huge difference. Both are manifested in the fact that self-esteem and self-confidence are not at the unified level. However, the sad thing is that the two always strengthen each other.
is like:
If you act according to your own high standards and keep grieving yourself and please others, you will find that people will like you, but you will never truly and from the bottom of your heart know Do they like you or are they grateful for your efforts.
In this way, you will constantly affirm your "not loving" guess. Even if you meet "love" again and again, others want to make friends with you in the workplace, You will also tell yourself that this friendship comes from high standards, not as a person.
In other words, many people pay attention to everything, try to show enthusiasm, but in fact they do not recognize it from the bottom of their hearts. Sometimes they feel that "the behaviors they have done are particularly fake", why do they still do this? The reason is that you are very sensitive to , you are afraid of falling behind, afraid of being unsociable, and afraid of being ridiculed.
This kind of inferiority complex and anxiety are the source of your requirements.
Sometimes, you feel that you are an adult, but you are still as afraid of being abandoned as you were when you were a child, as if you were very weak, powerless, and unable to survive on yourself.
Now you might as well think about it. Do you often leave your heart behind for the sake of the external face?
Deep down in my heart, everyone desires to be loved and respected because of themselves, instead of trying to prove it like others; in fact, if you perform poorly, others will also like you.
How to weigh this state
So, how can we remove the disguised "high-sensitive characteristics" and become consistent inside and outside? In the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality theory model, highly sensitive traits are called "latest personality".
Specifically, sensitive traits will be very frustrated in the early stage development and will go through various hardships. However, if you can realize yourself and control her rationally, your potential will be immeasurable.
Why?
Because most people have "goals and directions" that go outward, just follow the crowd, but the result is nothing more than a difference in quantity. However, for people with high sensitivity, is essentially sensitive and twisted in the heart, and self-esteem and self-confidence are not unified.
If you suddenly realize the problem and use your strong intuition to summarize the information explored from the outside world on yourself, combined with your meticulous brain and various advantages, it is easy to transform the goal from external driving force to "internal force".
So, now that you see all the advantages and disadvantages of the characteristics, I believe you will also take the lead and examine yourself. These three aspects, deliberate practice in daily life, should help you get out of "high sensitivity".
1) Insight, put on yourself
Everyone has different characteristics. Some people are sensitive to rejection, some are sensitive to ignorance or criticism, and some are sensitive to direct feedback.
You may need to understand yourself and what aspects it is to cause inner discomfort. In the early stages (7-14 days) you should remind yourself to pay attention to your inner views.
For example:
I was a very direct person before, how straightforward was it? Once there is a misunderstanding, I will explain it immediately and clarify the facts; although I cannot directly determine the right or wrong, the pros and cons, this behavior makes me a "person who explains the characteristics."
Careful insights revealed that there are two things in interpretive personality. "sense of security and hope" . There are two major traps behind it, namely "preconceived, and post-event attribution " , involuntarily using past experience to explain the future.
One day I suddenly realized that I just had an obsession and explained to each other because of an obsession. Then I reminded myself, "I won't explain unless necessary."
I know a friend who often works overtime and says he enjoys it. When asked why, he said that what he earned in the company will be the answer to the life test paper when starting a business. I think his insight into his self-needs will definitely benefit greatly.
2) Learn to empathize, stop tangling
Transference, simply put, it means that the impact of an individual on an event, important person or environment is projected on others and makes adjustments.
If you are a person with negative thinking, you are easily overwhelmed by dark thoughts and constant self-blame. Assuming this is true, you can try some cognitive skills to better control your thinking.
For example:
Just like the colleague at the beginning of the article, he actively communicates with his good friends with his inner anxiety, and he can get rid of it after he says it; of course, you can also do some extra things. When I feel depressed due to work pressure and being scolded by my boss, I will have a compensatory mentality (Psychological compensation).
read the action list in your memo, find out what has not been implemented for a long time, and then fragment the time investment, which can bring great happiness after completion.
3) Open your heart and express it clearly
There is a kind of "anger" hidden behind the sensitivity, and there is a desire hidden under the anger, hoping that reality will change according to your wishes.
If you realize that "inner potential wishes" and "realistic goals" are on the unified track, you can help you clear all obstacles. Otherwise, it will restrain you and bring worse chain reactions.
As:
His preachy-style care becomes the condition for your "high sensitivity" trigger. If you are angry with them, their words and deeds will become cautious. Although you accept your request, it seems harmonious on the surface, but in fact, your inner anger will become "grace".
or at the work level, during the brief and fierce discussion, the highly sensitive person seems to always be the one who is compromised. If you have enough time, I believe that you can handle it better.
However, when unfortunately hit someone's gun, you are likely to retreat and clearly say "no, I don't want to do it, or I can't accept it" is often more effective than compromise.
Assuming that there is no effect, there is another method I often use, which is "list all possible consequences" for everyone to choose, just like I often say to my parents, "What you said is right, I accept it, but it's still like this." What should I do?
In addition, there are many sensitive self-rescue methods.
For example, improve the sense of relaxation, pay attention to the outside world in your spare time, and enjoy other beauty of life. I believe that you can turn your perspective to the inside well, balance them well, and inspire your later personality.
In short:
highly sensitive and well utilized is a scarce ability.
The many pressures we face are not imposed by the outside world, but are imposed by ourselves. The same information, when viewed with negative thinking, brings troubles, and when viewed with positive thinking, brings calmness and happiness.
you can't, instantly changes the ability to capture information for decades, but can adjust the way you understand information.
