Author: Men Chichi
Source: Chen Dali
I have always felt that many girls around me couldn't have a good relationship.
A girl who can treat love well actually has many commonalities in her personality and mentality: she is rational when encountering things, does not regard love as the only one in her life, and clearly understand what she ultimately wants and needs in an intimate relationship.
However, based on my observations over the past few years, it is not easy to love "having reason to follow". People who are not in love have common characteristics, such as selfishness, sensitivity and fragility, and always thinking that "good love is smooth and I don't need to work hard" ......
I have summarized a few points and hope to encourage you with everyone.
1. The concept of emotions is unrealistic
The requirements for life partner are just like all requirements for life. They cannot be too harsh, and they cannot be whimsical.
A few days ago, I got off work and went on a date with my boyfriend. At the dinner table, he ate a few bites of food and put down his chopsticks and said to me, "Look at the girl behind you, it looks like a friend of mine in Beijing before."
is very typical. Because she looks good, since she was a college student, she has been surrounded by a group of rich children. Ordinary college students have to save money from living expenses for a weekend when they play in the suburbs, but she takes a luxury car and lives in a five-star hotel. From then on, she could not accept life that was not on that level. She said: "My partner must be very generous, take me to consume and give me a rich life. I don't mind everything else."
- She felt that she had made concessions as long as she had money, but has no skin, no family background, does not have elite parents who support her long-term development, and her other conditions are also mediocre, and she will always be temporarily chosen. We told her that perhaps rich people also value their partner's family background? But she didn't believe it.
There is also a friend who always fantasizes about finding a perfect spouse: he can not ask himself to pay the price for his marriage and be willing to give up his preferences and lifestyle for himself. He must be careful, considerate, humorous... and can meet almost all his material and emotional needs. I just want to say that this is not looking for a partner, but pursuing a perfect illusion.
Love is not about playing house, nor is it about "This kid has a toy I like, so he can walk with me." You must not be confused or stand tall when choosing a partner, and put your view of choosing a partner in the clouds.
When asking others to bring these, the first answer is: What you have, can you also bring equal value to the other party? You have to answer more than anyone else: Why are you chosen?
2. Self-logic first
People who are too self-centered seem to find it difficult to enter long-term relationships.
A friend told me this. A girl asked her boyfriend to treat all holidays as Valentine's Day. She never considers the price if she wants her to buy anything. She bought delicious food at 1:00 a.m., and pushed her boyfriend who had just gotten off work and asked him to get up and roast egg tarts for herself. The key is that she has everything at home, but she can do it herself - but she feels that since you say you love me, you should do your best to take care of my emotions and life.
Love is not a complex relationship that can be summarized by "unilateral compromise", but many girls do this. When they are in love, they think that boys should obey their wishes anytime and anywhere.
I, a junior, became a "straight figure" in the entire college in my sophomore year, just because she asked her boyfriend from the same school to cross the diagonal corner of the school every day, and wait for her with breakfast under the dormitory building, and send her to class. One day, because the boy was a few minutes late, she got furious and asked her boyfriend why she was late today and delayed her morning class. Of course, the final division of
is very ugly.
observed several couples who had been dating for many years. Their tolerance and care were both firm double arrows. Boys would take leave to accompany girls to a strange city for re-examination, and girls would get up in the middle of the night with toothache to go to the emergency room.
Love is the experience and feelings of both parties, and it requires the efforts of both parties to maintain it. If you immerse yourself in "being given" and "being taken care of" when getting along, it is undoubtedly adding too much weight to the balance of love without reason.
has not been loved for no reason, you have to let the other party see the intention of "you cherish him too".
3. The contradiction that is not stable and self-consistent enough
Just a few days ago, I was dragged by a college roommate to chat about the pain of love all night.
said embarrassedly, I thought she had changed her partner so hard that she must be a full-level love player, only taste the sweetness and not suffer.
Although she does know some skills in love better than those "love novices", because her original family - her parents divorced very early, and later they each had new families, and she was bleeding every few days, it was difficult for her to develop long-term favor and trust in people. I always think sensitively, pessimistic and twisted, wanting to be loved, and do things to push the other person away from time to time.
The crux of the problem is that the unhappy family is not stable and self-consistent enough, and they are not safe enough about their life in front of them. It is even more fantasy to gain a sense of security by establishing a relationship with another person.
In fact, instead of lingering among the crowd and hoping to get the same redemption from different parties, it is better to read more books, learn more, and go to other places to receive life exercises under pressure and flush with value choices. First, run a few more roads, and find yourself, see yourself, and stabilize yourself in the process of seeing the world.
When you no longer need the sweetness or sense of security from the outside world, it becomes a natural thing to no longer be so nitpicking and hysterical about intimacy. Your self is stable, and intimate relationships really add icing on the cake.
No matter what stage it is, love is a very important part of life.
Although I have never been able to agree that good love has templates, the intimate relationship is not very good, looking back, there must be traces to follow.
A long and stable love is very difficult. It requires clearing all the clouds and mists, bypassing the charming eyes of flowers, and guarding yourself against the wind and rain. But when you see the blue sky behind the clouds and fog, from sunset to sunrise, the sun will never set.
Author: Men Chichi Want to get rich, Pisces, a girl who just wants to give you happiness
Source: Chen Dali
